Great Geigerisms 1.7

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            Memorable Mandy Moments/Great Geigerisms
                           Episode 1.7
                      Geniveve and Fat Boy

Geiger and Watters walking behind security and a gurney carrying
Anthony Pelicanto, a mob boss who needs surgery:

JG:  Does this really need to be my case?  Why deny some lesser
     surgeon the privilege of saving an admitted mob killer?
PW:  He's 300 pounds.  It's high risk surgery.
JG:  Good, so he dies on the table.  Justice is done.
PW:  He's a key witness for the FBI.  We've been through this.
JG:  Yes, before I saw him in the flesh--pounds and pounds of flesh.
PW:  I've got a dead administrator's shoes to fill.  I've got a
     surgeon in the MRI tube.  At the moment, your preferences
     are on my "B" list.
JG:  Don't you find this disgusting?  The president doesn't have
     an entourage this big.
PW:  The president is not as popular.  Instead of thinking of him
     as a crook, why not think of trying to get him to the trial
     alive so that he could do some good.
JG:  He's still a criminal.
     [To one of the men in the "entourage"]  Tell me, is it
     gratifying putting your life on the line for a scumball?
Man: Give me a break.  I'm just the chef.

Pelicanto is in his room, with the residents around him.  He
finishes telling a joke as Geiger walks in:

JG:  [Never looks directly at AP while examining him]  I'm Dr.
     Geiger, Chief of Cardiothoracic Surgery.
AP:  Well I'm Anthony Pelicanto, your patient.  How come all
     these other doctors got here before you?
JG:  [Looks at chart] Your symptoms and your EKG--there's a
     strong likelihood you'll need a coronary bypass.  We'll be
     doing some tests to evaluate that, hopefully before you have
     any more chest pains, at which point I'll be back to discuss them.
     [Walks out into hall and waits for the other residents.
     Note: TC=Dr. Tim Carney, one of the residents.]
     I know the history.  Anything remarkable on the physical?
TC:  He reportedly has a grade 3 over 6 histolic murmur.
JG:  Reportedly?
TC:  I haven't confirmed it with my own exam yet.
JG:  You quoting me someone else's exam?
TC:  The patient said that he was already examined by the doctor
     they called to the motel and he wanted to relax.  He didn't
     want to be disturbed.  The FBI have me the written notes
     from that exam and asked me to accommodate him.
JG:  When someone is admitted to my service, examining them is
     not a disturbance, it is your duty.  Disturbed is what I am
     when I hear that a senior resident is accepting a morbidly
     obese, high risk patient with someone else's exam.
TC:  I was going to ...
JG:  I don't care if J. Edgar Hoover were at the bedside.  We got
     a standard of care at this hospital which is not subject to
     change.  You don't understand that, you can get yourself
     trained by whatever weight control clinic hack who wrote
     those notes.
TC:  I understand.

Geiger and Schutt are in the MRI observation room discussing
Karen Antonovich.  A doctor suggests KA needs a CHIPS regimen:

AS:  She's 35.  She's only 35.
JG:  CHIPS regimen?  [They walk into the hall.]
AS:  C-H-I-P-S.  Cocaine, Hawaii, icecream, Prednisone, sex.
     Neurology slang for surrender.
JG:  [Trying to comfort him, JG puts his arm around AS.]  She
     could go into remission.  Stranger things have happened.
AS:  When?  [Noticing Pelicanto being wheeled down the hall.]
     Listen, I gotta get back.  I'll see you later.  [JG looks
     back at AS leaving.]

Special agent Tom Jerryman approaches Geiger:

TJ:  Hey, this cardiologist whose gonna do Mr. P's
     echocardiogram, is he the top guy?
JG:  Yeah, all are people are top guys.
TJ:  [Pats JG on the shoulder.]  Maybe you could explain that to
     him--calm him down.
JG:  Maybe I could tell him he's not the only patient in this
     hospital.  [Pats him back.]
AP:  [From a few yards away]  You're my doctor.  I want to make
     sure you approve of these guys doing the tests.
JG:  [Walking over to AP]  If somebody comes to do a test ...
     [makes a bodyguard move out of his way] it's because I told
     him to do it.  If there's a given doctor there ... it's
     because I want him there.  See that light [looking up at the
     ceiling] ... it's shining because I said, "Let there be
     light."  And if you're not happy with that you can throw us
     off your case.
AP:  If I don't like something, I throw it off a building.
JG:  Want to break my thumbs Tony?  Do it before I operate on
     you.  [Light flickers.]
AP:  You should have said, "Let there be maintenance."

In surgery with an unknown patient, Geiger and Wendy Smythe are

JG:  Dr. Smythe, we seem to be missing some of our house staff.
     Don't your colleagues still find squeezing next to my sweaty
     body an enterprise, surgical experience.
WS:  Absolutely doctor.  I think Dr. [Karlshpinner?] was given
     them a lecture.
     [JG's beeper goes off.]
JG:  [To nurse]  Fat boy again?  [Announces Smythe should close
     and leaves the OR.]

Geiger walks into Pelicanto's room, where all the laughter
abruptly halts:

AP:  Go. [Sends away staff.]
JG:  [Looking at AP's chart] The valve that we're concerned with
     looks normal on your echocardiogram.  You'll have your
     catheterization in the morning and we're anticipating surgery
AP:  You came all the way up here to tell me that?  You don't
     have people that deliver these messages?
JG:  You beeped me three times, Mr. uh ... [looking at the chart]
AP:  That's because you haven't looked me square in the eye since
     I got here and I figure it's about time you did.  Unless you
     got a problem with that.
JG:  In my medical judgement, you're in no condition for this
AP:  Hey, don't hide behind that doctor crapola.  You don't
     bother me enough to give me heart trouble.
JG:  And you don't intimidate me.  Let's get something straight.
     There's countless patients with heart conditions worse than
     yours who get kicked in the teeth everyday from the stress
     of trying to lead a decent life and one of them isn't gonna
     get my help 'cause I gotta take care of some greasy thug
     who's doing everything he can to keep his fat ass alive.
AP:  You just keep my *heart* alive.  My fat ass is there for you
     to kiss when this is done.
JG:  Oh that's real smart.  I'm going into your chest with sharp
     instruments and you decide to offend me.  Well there's a
     lesson in common sense, isn't there?
AP:  You know, as easy as you can make a slip with your scalpel,
     I could have your toes chopped off, fed to the fish off the
     Grand Park rocks.  There's a thousand kids in Oak Park dying
     to be recognized by me.  All I gotta do is blink twice.  But
     I'm not gonna do that, because I'm a pro.  I don't do things
     vindictive and so are you.  I know when you cut me open
     you're a pro.  It's who you are.
JG:  You know nothing about me.
AP:  I know you're all ego.  You're too *arrogant* to let me die.
     So don't waste your breath trying to intimidate me.

Geiger walking the residents through the procedures for the

JG:  [To Nyland] I want you taking the vein 'cause your fast.
DN:  OK.
JG:  We're going to be working on limited time.  300 pounds.
     Between the fat melting under the lights and the blood
     simmering in the chest, it'll be like cooking a roast.  In
     here, our three main problems will be:  one, fitting him on
     the table.  We'll do him ...
Someone from hall:
     Excuse me, Dr. Geiger.
JG:  What?
Someone from hall:
     There's someone from the animal lab?
JG:  Send him in.  [Continuing] Make sure that strap is long
     enough to go around his arms.  Problem number two is
     maintain his cardiac output ... And finally visualization.
     Getting in his chest will be like digging in a sink hole
     with the layers of flab caving in, I want 3 sets of hands.
DN:  [Picking up an instrument brought in from the animal lab]
     Meat hooks?
JG:  Bovine chest retractors.  Thank you.  Have those autoclaved
     and everybody be on time.  See ya.

Special Agent Jerryman talks with Geiger in the hall:

TJ:  It defeats the whole purpose if you give him a coronary with
     all this antagonism.
JG:  Look, Inspector ...
TJ:  I'm just a special agent.
JG:  Yeah, whatever.  I don't like your guy.
TJ:  I don't care.  Look we need his testimony to put Dusanny
     away.  If he dies before trial ...
JG:  Then maybe you'd better get is deposition on record to be
     safe.  [Pats TJ hard on the shoulder.]
     [Walking away, Geiger sees a ball roll out of Pelicanto's
Boy: Hey, mister, give me the ball back please? [JG smiles as he
     returns the ball to the boy.]  Thanks.  [JG stares in
     Pelicanto's window, watching him play with his

A little while latter, Pelicanto is alone in his room and Geiger
walks in:

JG:  Saw your daughter in here.  She seemed very loving and
     devoted.  Does she know you've killed people?
AP:  Hey doc, what are we doing?  You trying to guilt me?
JG:  Just a question.
AP:  She knows.  She also knows that by my testifying, I
     guarantee a contract on me.  She knows I'm signing my own
     death warrant.
JG:  You're getting witness protection.
AP:  Which means squat.  Do I look like I can hide good?
     Wherever I go, they'll find me.
JG:  Well, then why do it?
AP:  I want to send a message to my grandchildren.  I went down
     the  wrong path.  I don't want them doing the same thing.
JG:  We take you for your catheterization first thing tomorrow.
     Between now and then, go easy on the jello. [Turns to
AP:  Go to hell!
JG:  [Turns around]  I'm gonna do my best Mr. Pelicanto, but you
     gotta understand something.  Your grandfatherly sentiments
     aside ... I don't like being a participant in a process
     that's gonna allow you to put your head on a pillow at the
     end of the day and feel good about yourself.  You want
     redemption, I understand.  What about the families of the
     people you've killed?  You think they want you to feel at
     peace with yourself?
AP:  No.
JG:  Then neither do I.

Geiger and Watters eating dinner in Watters' office:

PW:  I never asked you to like it, I just asked you to do it.
JG:  I shouldn't have to do it Phillip.  There's a hack-it man.
PW:  Who's sick.  You're a doctor, we heal the sick.  Simple
     equation, which has always been yours.
JG:  What do I say to the Siamese twins when they grow up?  Or
     John Lanier?  Or everybody else I operate on?  It's all
     perfunctory.  Just meat on the table.  Throw it in front of
     me.  Lights up.  I operate.  It's got nothing to do with who
     they are.  Just meat on the table.  Human beings Phillip.
     Good people.  So what.  Just a coincidence.  I operate
     anyway.  I'm a doctor, I cut.  Doesn't matter.  Doesn't
     matter, huh?  So what if he's got cute grandkids.  I'm
     supposed to ... humanize him.  We all got kids.  We all want
     redemption.  That doesn't mean he's entitled.  We all ... we
     all got kids.  I operate on him, I'm saying every other
     patient, it doesn't matter who or what you are.  It should
     matter damn it.  I never became a doctor to become rote.
     People have to matter.  Karen Antonovich has a tumor in her
     head.  I'm operating on this FAT KILLER.  Everybody wants
     redemption.  I don't give a damn he's got grandchildren.  I
     can't operate on him.  Don't make me rote.  I can't operate
     on him.
PW:  I think what's upsetting you is that you know you can.
     [JG hangs his head.]

Geiger, Carney and the other residents in the hall discussing

TC:  He's on schedule for noon and should be ready for Free Willy
     2 by the end of next week.
JG:  Dr. Carney, obesity is a very common, very serious, very
     painful disorder which should be reflected in the way you
     talk about patients.
TC:  Sorry sir.  I was just trying to follow your example.
JG:  That patient expects me to save his life.  I can talk to him
     anyway I like.  [As he walks away, talking to the other
     residents]  If the man wants to make himself useful, he can
     hold a retractor.

As Pelicanto is rushed on the elevator to the OR, the elevator
gets stuck from the unbalanced weight:

JG:  Keep pumping, we'll do him right here.
     [Opening jammed doors]  I want an open heart team and Nyland
     for  the ...
Dr.: Wait a minute, wait a minute, Dr. Geiger.  Are you sure?
JG:  Do not wait!  This man's in full arrest.  By the time you
     figure a way to get off this elevator, there'll be nothing
     left to resuscitate.  Just get as much lighting as you can
     find and position it in around the gurney.  Get these other
     people the hell out of the area.

A while latter, in the elevator:

JG:  [Emulize?] the patient.  Let's pretend we want him to live.
DN:  [Nyland arrives.]  Coming through.
JG:  Nyland, where've you been?  Making friends with your
     [forum?] in the ER?  Get in here.

Outside the elevator, Watters and Jerryman look on:

TJ:  I take it he's familiar with surgery under these conditions?
PW:  Sure.  He does it whenever he can.

Back in the elevator:

JG:  Patient warmed yet?
Nurse:  Never gave us time to cool him down.

Operation continues.  Geiger uses paddles to stop heart from
fibrillating.  He's successful:

JG:  We got another winner.  A shame, while I'm in, I don't
     staple his stomach.  Where's the Muzak when you need it.
     Let's close this sucker up.

Outside elevator:

TJ:  Wow!
PW:  Well, we pay him a lot.

Later that day, a horse which the residents are using as a
practical joke, is brought up to the fourth floor to Geiger's

TC:  How can we not get busted?
JB:  Everybody on the floor's been told.  They're all in.  Lucky
     it's Geiger.  The volunteers were lining up.
     [The horse stops.]  It's the wolf in Geiger.  Horses hate

The horse gets loose--trots past Geiger's office--and Geiger just
looks on.  The residents go after the horse, realize
Geiger is there, and Carney covers his face as they run past.

Geiger in Pelicanto's room:

AP:  Am I going to make it to testify?
JG:  If you behave yourself?  How I'll cope with missing you is
     another story.
AP:  Doc, I hope your head feels good on a pillow tonight.
JG:  Sing like a canary, Tony.

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