Great Geigerisms 1.22
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Memorable Mandy Moments/Great Geigerisms
Songs of the Cuckoo Birds
The Jacksons' "ABC" is playing in the background, as Geiger and
Kronk are operating:
JG: How do you say it-- Ferrari or Ferrara?
JG: The hockey player. Tough guy you keep babblin' about.
BK: No, no, no, no. Corria (sp?). Ferrara (sp?) is the general manager.
JG: Oh, right. Silly me. [Watters enters the OR in scrubs.]
Look who's here. It's bad news Watters. Tell us why you're
here, Phillip. Let it be somethin' good for once, 'cause good
describes our mood. Everybody... tell Phillip our mood!
JG: There you go. Now tell us your mood Phillip.
PW: It stinks. The state medical board has suspended your license
to practice medicine.
JG: Ha ha.
PW: It's not funny, Jeffrey. As of 20 minutes ago, you're
unlicensed. I'm here to take over this procedure.
JG: What'd you say?
PW: We'll talk about it later. Please step aside.
JG: Wait just a second.
PW: Jeffrey, please.
JG: On what grounds? What grounds are you yankin' my license?
PW: Subsection 27, mental illness. Mental infirmity resulting in
inability to practice medicine with reasonable judgement,
skill or safety. That's the charge.
JG: [stunned] I'm suspended?
PW: This hospital, therefore, cannot let you operate. Please step
aside now. Scalpel... Scalpel. [JG reluctantly gives PW the
scalpel as he steps out of the way.]
In Geiger's office, Shutt, Birch, Watters and Geiger are gathered,
trains chugging and whistling:
AS: All right, look-look-look-- why don't we all just calm down.
JG: [pacing between the tracks] Easy for you to calm down.
They're not taking your scalpel. Easy for you. [The trains
are shut off.]
AB: Look, you just got to remove the trains, OK? For the ...
JG: It has nothing to do with the trains Alan. I need them.
AB: Well, if they think that you need them, you've lost before
you've even begun. You can't have somebody walking in here
seeing you playing with your steam engines.
JG: What the hell is going on? I took all the psychiatric tests
they asked me to. I passed.
AB: Well, actually they were inconclusive. But the triggering
complaint was made by Dr. Joseph, OK? And he was there for
your little song and dance routine at Russo's.
JG: I never danced.
AB: The disciplinary board has scheduled a hearing for tomorrow.
It's kind of like a mini-court martial.
JG: Oh great.
AB: The attorney representing the regulatory board is coming by my
office. I'll get a feel for how hard they're gonna push this.
This could be nothing more that a perfunctory response to Dr.
PW: But what if they're serious?
AB: Let's not think about that. Let's just... [He sits on a train
that is on the desk.] Let's just remove the trains. OK? And
concentrate on disproving Jeffrey's insanity. [JG starts the
Geiger walks up to Camille, Kronk, Nyland and Hancock who are all
making fun of him:
JG: Are we all happy?
DH: Oh, we didn't mean anything by that.
JG: Because of my situation, I can no longer to the Morrison
bypass. [to BK] That means you will do it ... [to DN] and
you'll assist. Scrub now. I apologize for interrupting your fun.
Geiger meets Infante in the hall:
JG: Hi. Men in white coats are after me.
GI: So I hear.
JG: Been kind of a stranger. Wanna go get some lunch or take a walk?
GI: Jeffrey, um... you've obviously got a lot of things to resolve
with Laurie or with your dead mother. I'm not sure which. The
only thing that I'm certain of is that it isn't... I have to
protect *me* in this, OK?
JG: OK. [She walks away and turns around.]
GI: Jeffrey, I-I-I wish I could... I know that this thing could
get rough and you could use me by your side. I wish I was
that strong. I'm not.
JG: [whispers] I understand.
GI: Well... good luck with this.
JG: Thank you. [He smiles.]
Geiger, Birch and Watters are walking down the hall to Geiger's office:
JG: I don't believe it! I don't believe it!
JG: I don't believe it!
AB: The psychiatric reports won't hurt you. Only one was
negative which means the case is all anecdotal.
JG: Doesn't feel like an anecdote to me. It's all anecdotal.
AB: I'm lining up character witnesses. I got Dr. Joseph within my
sight. I will take him apart like an infected pimple. I've
got all your mortality and morbidity reports coded. I've
indexed all your profiles. I'm going to admit them into evidence
and-- [steps into Geiger's office] why am I still seeing trains?
JG: Forget the trains.
PW: All right let's not panic. These boards go after doctors all the time.
AB: Jeffrey, I will pounce all over this doctor putts. I am not
going to let you lose. Trust me here.
JG: Alan... I've decided to go with another lawyer.
AB: [stunned] What?
JG: I think I need a full time litigator, that's all, instead of
house counsel. Somebody who makes his living in a courtroom.
AB: Oh well, I-I guess that makes sense.
JG: Robert St. Clair. He's a friend of mine. He's the best,
he'll do it. My career's on the line.
AB: That... that is right. I-I-I follow your thinking.
JG: I still want you there though, second chair.
AB: Sure... yeah... absolutely.
JG: Thanks Alan.
After Shutt's honest and damaging testimony, the gang is walking to the
JG: "Speak hands for me." Isn't that what Koska (sp?) said before
plunging in the knife?
AS: I'm not Koska.
JG: [re PW] So he's Koska. You're definitely Brutus or Marc
Antony. Ask him to bury Geiger. Certainly not afraid, you
son of a bitch.
AS: What am I supposed to do-- lie under oath?
JG: Yeah! I'm dead. Read the will.
AS: Where's this guy getting this stuff.
JG: You must have shot your mouth off, that's how he got it.
AS: I didn't. I didn't tell anyone about the pants or the
whipping noises. I certainly didn't tell anyone what you told
me about your mother.
JG: You had to Aaron.
AS: I didn't. Am I telling you to get help. I didn't tell
anybody about that either. Who did you tell? Geri Infante?
JG: Not Geri.
PW: Then who?
In Laurie's room at Huron:
JG: Well it had to be you Laurie. You're the only one I've shared
this stuff with. What happens at the hospital, the stuff
between Aaron and me. You're the only one I tell. [She
suddenly remembers something.] What?
LG: Well, I never repeat anything you tell me except...
JG: Except what?
LG: Except with my doctor. I mean, my relationship with you is...
Stuff I feel about you I tell him... and stuff that you tell
me, I tell him.
JG: Joseph? You tell Dr. Joseph?
LG: I tell him everything that's on my mind. That's part of my therapy.
In Watter's office Geiger, Birch, St. Clair and Watters are assembled:
PW: This is doctor-patient privilege. They can't use that.
RSC: I keep telling you, the rules of evidence don't apply.
PW: It came out in therapy.
JG: Doctor-patient... what kind of proof is this?
RSC: That's a privilege you can't assert, Jeffrey. We can't stop
Dr. Joseph from saying what he knows. What *else* does he know?
JG: I tell Laurie everything. She apparently tells him everything.
RSC: All right, you're going to take the stand next.
RSC: We're going to dinner. We're going to talk over your soon to
be brilliant testimony. You got a jacket?
JG: It's in my office.
AB: We can go to Morton's. Get a back booth. I know the manager there.
RSC: Thank you, no. I think it should be just Jeffrey and me
alone. I want his undivided attention. I'll meet you at the
State Street Cafe tomorrow morning at 9:30 and I'll fill you
in over coffee. Let's go.
AB: OK, great. [RSC and JG leave.]
PW: You play an important role here. You do know that.
AB: That's right.
PW: Alan... Alan.
AB: You know, two months ago, Jeffrey came into my office and he
said-- he was talking about my legal work-- he said, "I keep
you all afloat every day."
PW: It's true. It's true.
AB: Well, when he said that, I guess next to Alicia, that's--
that's just the best anybody made me feel. I mean *ever*. But
those are words, Phillip. The action is in hiring Robert St. Clair.
PW: St. Clair's a trial attorney.
AB: Yeah, he is... and I'm the Eel. [He walks out with tears in his eyes.]
Geiger is on the witness stand in court:
JG: Of coarse I'm nuts. Makes me a better doctor.
RSC: How so?
JG: Because I don't internalize. I let all the demons have their
day. I vent, I explode, I exfoliate all the percolating
anxieties which, left to fester, could make my hands shake.
[holds out his hands] My hands never shake.
RSC: What about this singing the other night?
JG: It was nothing. You should see me on antibiotics. Sometimes
I have a cold I take antibiotics. I'm cuckoo. You should
hear me sing on that stuff. [to Judge] Next time I'll call
you. I'll get you a front row.
Ju: Thank you.
RSC: Dr. Geiger, we sat in this room and heard some startling
revelations about you.
JG: Tip of the iceberg, but none of those charges go to my medical practice.
RSC: Even so, I would like to address some of them. For instance, golf club?
JG: Guy parked in my spot.
RSC: Dr. Thurmond?
JG: Finger right in my face.
RSC: Your pants?
JG: Whipping sounds. Whip, whip.
RSC: Your mother?
JG: Dead. I didn't kill her. [He chuckles.]
Ju: She died so she could follow you around?
JG: Ever meet my mother?
Ju: No, sir.
JG: Well, if you met her, you wouldn't doubt me on this. [looking
upward] We all know why you died ma. What? You hear that?
She admitted it right here in open court. [Judge stares at him.]
Kidding. [Shutt and Watters smile.]
Ju: Dr. Geiger, you are a little strange.
JG: [turns to face directly at the Judge] Your Honor. I am very
strange. But when I'm the doctor, I'm the doctor. That's why
my mortality rate is the lowest. That's why the Chief of
Staff of Chicago Hope is here fighting to keep me.
Ju: But what if one day you should snap?
JG: Who's kiddin' who? Personally-- I'm a mess. Should you let
your sister marry me? Not a chance. But if her heart stops,
you want her on *my* table.
RSC: I have nothing further, Your Honor.
At Russo's, Geiger is singing and playing the piano:
JG: [singing] No one likes us / I don't know why / We may not be
perfect / But heaven knows we try / But all around even our
old friends put us down / Let's drop the big one / And see
what happens / We give them money / But are they grateful /
No they're spiteful and they're hateful / They don't respect
us / So let's surprise them / We'll drop the big one and ...
Kronk, Nyland and Hancock are at the bar drinking:
DH: I thought he hated singing in front of people he knows.
BK: Said he felt like it today.
The guy actually looks relaxed.
DN: It's a fun song.
JG: [continues to sing] South America stole our name / Let's drop
the big one / They'll be no one left to blame us ...
They all hate us anyhow / So let's drop the big one now /
Let's drop the big one now.
In the court, the prosecution brings in a surprise witness--Geri
Infante. After her damaging testimony, the Judge asks if the
defense would like to cross-examine her:
RSC: [whispers to JG] Give me something to tear her up with,
personal or professional, doesn't matter-- something.
RSC: Jeffrey, we just got hurt. If you don't give me a bomb to
blow her ass to pieces, you can kiss your license goodbye.
JG: Leave her alone.
RSC: Dammit, Jeffrey.
JG: I said, leave her alone.
[Birch says he has a few questions and proceeds to
brilliantly, yet gently, rip Geri's testimony apart.]
At the hospital, the gang is walking down the hall; Geiger is in scrubs:
AB: Jeffrey, why are you in scrubs?
JG: I was down in surgery.
PW: Jeffrey, you're not licensed.
JG: No, I wasn't operating. I just went down there. I wanted to
go down there. It's like home to me. You know, I relax more
at home. I'm nervous. They're about to take my job away from
me. What? It's insane to be nervous about that? I think it
would be nuts not to be nervous. The fact that I'm in scrubs,
why don't you admit that into evidence, huh?
PW: No, it's OK to be in scrubs. [Birch asks Shutt to give the
Geiger is in the room above the OR where Kronk is operating.
"Sweet Home Alabama" is playing in the background. Geri walks in:
GI: Hey. Uh... I didn't mean to hurt you.
JG: Yeah well. What's done is done.
GI: I am, uh... Everything I said was the truth. That-- that I
think you need help. That I think you're getting worse. That
I love you.
JG: Tell you the ridiculous part. Everybody calling me crazy,
being on trial for it. Never felt so liberated. You telling
me you love me... that I find oppressive. Maybe I am insane.
JG: I think uh... you know, timing-- it is important. Think we
tried, you and me before I was... you know, healed on other stuff.
JG: When I am healed, and it's a long way off, but when I am
healed, maybe, you know uh... we could try again.
GI: Yeah, who knows? Well... good luck today. [She kisses him
Shutt's closing statement: (thanks to PhantMPnts)
AS: I'm his best friend. I love the man, and uh, I think he's a
little crazy. Truth is, every night before I go to bed I
pray, uh, "Please God, don't let him snap." I've been praying
that for six years now. And then the next day comes and, uh,
I see him go into the OR and I know he'll never snap. At
least not in that room. Last night I, I was so, um, worried
about all of this I started walking around my house. It was
late at night, the whole world was asleep and I was just
pacing about. And in all the quiet, I heard it. I heard my
pants. "Whip whip whip!" [JG smiles.] They actually do make
a noise when you walk. Most of us don't know this. But
that's Jeffrey's problem. He sees and hears everything.
That's what insanity is. It isn't a blindness--it's seeing
too much. The main difference between Jeffrey Geiger and
everybody else is that he is acute enough to be on speaking
terms with his demons. Normal people defend themselves with
a kind of oblivion. Jeffrey has no such defense. The
unconscious voices that remain buried and hidden and therefore
silent in most of us--they scream at him. It's this mental
acuity that makes him, so uh, well, tortured. But it's also
what makes him *thee best* surgeon I have *ever* witnessed.
Maybe he will self-destruct one day. That's one of my
greatest fears. But it won't be in that room, Your Honor. In
the OR--he's safe. In fact, if you really do want to keep him
from snapping, then please, please keep him in that room.
Geiger, Shutt and Birch are waiting for the Judge's decision.
Geiger is pacing:
JG: How long do we wait? How long? It's a bad sign he's been
deliberating this long.
AB: Relax. [They're all pantless!]
JG: You still make fun of me? This is what, sport?
AS: No, I-I hear my pants now, OK? Thanks to you I actually hear
my pants when I pace. Are you happy?
AB: I actually think I hear mine. Sympathy noises. I don't know.
JG: You're right, Aaron. If I don't win this, then what? It's
not like my world's got a lot of dimension. Don't get me
wrong. I've never felt so free. I should go [???] out for
insanity once a month. What's the upside? What on earth, if
I can't be a doctor? Can you imagine all the free time, other
than an improved sex life. You think... I can lose this?
You think they'd let me be a vet?
AS: Hey, Jeffrey. We are going to know everything in a little
while. Until then, just stop! Stop.
JG: Thanks for what you said in there. [RSC enters.]
RSC: [weird look on this face] Why is no one wearing pants?
JG: [looking down at his pantless legs] What difference does it make?
RSC: The Judge is coming back. [They grab their pants, AS rushes
out; JG and AB are dressing.]
AB: [catching JG as he stumbles] Gotcha.
JG: Alan, thanks for... yesterday. If you hadn't gotten up and
cross-examined, I'd probably have no chance. And having Aaron
do the summation. I said it before, I'll say it again.
You're a hell of a lawyer.
AB: Just know how close you guys are-- knew it would be effective.
It's not as if we won here yet.
JG: Well, let's go see if we did. [Pats AB on the arm.]
AB: Jeffrey. You know, we, we, we both love trains, uh... We both
uh... sing to relieve stress, though I of coarse do it in the
bathroom, um... I just think we have a lot in common. Do
you... Do you consider us-- ? Never mind.
JG: No. You got something to say, say it. Can't tell a friend,
who can you tell?
AB: [smiles] Yeah, we are friends, aren't we?
JG: Yeah. I think we're good friends.
The Judge's decision:
Ju: I have no doubt Dr. Jeffrey Geiger is a gifted surgeon. Maybe
even as good as you all think. Although I doubt as good as he
thinks. But there's more than being a doctor than having good
hands and the charge here doesn't go to his dexterity. It
goes to his mental fitness. And by even the most objective of
standards, this man has big trouble. Based on his behavior,
based on the psychiatric reports, based on Dr. Joseph's
testimony, and even based on Dr. Geiger's testimony as well,
there seems to be no justification for letting this man keep
his scalpel. But if there's anybody who truly knows whether
the man belongs in the OR or not, it's Dr. Watters and Dr.
Shutt. They know him intimately on both a personal and
professional level. And I find their integrity and their
credibility unblemished. On their say-so and on Dr. Geiger's
undeniably phenomenal medical record, I'm letting him keep his
scalpel for now. The suspension is lifted. You have your
license back and we're adjourned.
Geiger shakes hands with St. Clair and hugs Shutt. He sees Geri in
the back of the courtroom, and after hugging Watters, finds she has
left. He turns to Birch:
JG: Oh come here you. [Gives him a big hug and kiss.]
As the men leave the courthouse (Thanks to the person who has
closed captioning and posted this back in May):
PW: OK, maybe we cold all get back to work.
JG: I thought we could celebrate. Go to Russo's. Have a drink.
I could sing.
AS: No, please... please.
JG: So I like to sing. Sue me. If you think my singing's a
problem, Kronk's is like chalk on a blackboard. There should
be limits to who can sing in the OR. The guy could kill a
patient with a voice like that.
PW: How about nobody ever singing again.
JG: Don't be nasty.
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