Great Geigerisms 1.19

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            Memorable Mandy Moments/Great Geigerisms
                          Episode 1.19
                        Internal Affairs

Geiger, splattered in blood, is operating on John Sagonner, the man
whose leg was cut off with a chain saw by Kronk:

JG:  He just cut it off with a chain saw?
DH:  Had to.
JG:  Lucky man, Mr. Whoever.
PW:  Mr. Sagonner.
JG:  Sagonner?
PW:  He's not going to feel so lucky in the morning.  You see he's
     a football player, the Bear's third round pick.  He's in town
     for rookie camp.  He's the kicker.
JG:  You're serious?
PW:  Yep.  [Geiger laughs at the irony of it.]

Geiger is examining Allison, Nyland's patient and ex-girlfriend:

JG:  Any pain here.
Al:  No.  Look, I used to be a nurse.  I know how hospitals like to
     keep their beds filled.
DN:  Allison, you came to us remember, through the emergency room.
Al:  Yes, sweetheart, but since you can't find anything wrong...
DN:  I did find something-- acid in your urine.
JG:  Excuse me.  Ma'am, it is not normal to have chest pains and
     hypertension on a weekly basis.  That we don't know what your
     ailment is, does not mean you're not sick.  We need to run more tests.
Al:  But I feel...
DN:  You're not going to argue.  [He kisses her.]  I'll make sure
     you get the good jello.  [She kisses him back.]
     [JG and DN leave Allison's room.]
     Thanks for taking...
JG:  What's with the kiss?
DN:  We used to be together.
JG:  Right, you're little nurse fetish.  Schedule an MRI.  These
     symptoms-- who knows what she's got?  Could be intercranial
     lesions, something renal, even a primary cardiac abnormality.
     She take drugs?
DN:  Not that I know of.
JG:  Well, ask the question!  Do a toxicity test and stop kissin'
     her.  She's a patient now.
     [JG leaves DN and bumps into Birch and Kronk.]
     With a chain saw?
BK:  Yeah, a chain saw.  How's he doing?
JG:  Critical.  I think he'll make it, but he's kicked his last field goal.
AB:  That isn't funny.  I put out a memo regarding coarse humor in
     public areas.  Maybe you didn't get it?
JG:  Yes, but I'd run out of toilet paper, I had to put your memo
     to emergency use.  Sharing that here was probably a violation
     of your directive, wasn't it?  Sorry, I'm chagrined.  Let's
     wipe the slate clean.  You got another memo handy?  [AB walks
     away, as does JG in the opposite direction.]
BK:  [Looking at JG.]  Not respect.

Nyland and Geiger are arguing about Allison's diagnosis:

DN:  I don't believe it.
JG:  You asked me to get involved, so I'm involved ...
DN:  I'm grateful.  I'm just saying I think that your diagnosis is
     a little bit from Mars.  I see no evidence of a tumor.  Show
     me something from radiology.  Show me anything...
     [Allison is wheeled in.]
Al:  Excuse me.  What's the big fight?
DN:  Dr. Geiger believes you have what's known as pheochromocytoma.
Al:  Pheo... what?
JG:  Basically it's a tumor that secretes adrenalin.  Also known as
     epinephrine causing the severe headaches and the high blood
     pressure.  Typically it's found in your adrenal gland.
DN:  Except we can't be sure since X rays don't show anything.
JG:  The catheterization shows your epinephrine levels in your
     right renal vein are double to that in the left.
DN:  I'll review the test results personally, Allison.
JG:  I'll assist on that.  [He winks at her and leaves.]

In the OR, operating on Allison:

JG:  So you and this girl were serious?
DN:  At one time.
JG:  Still seeing her?
DN:  No, I told you.
JG:  First procedure since your fingers healed?
DN:  No.
JG:  [??????] this?
DN:  Nope.
JG:  Liar.  Buzz this.
DN:  She's gonna be fine.
JG:  There's one adrenal gland otherwise as good as new.

Looking at the Allison's X rays:

DN:  We got a problem.
JG:  It could have been triggered by the procedure itself... by
DN:  Pathology found no evidence of a tumor in the gland we took
     out.  And I just did a urine test and she's still putting out
     epinephrine metabolites.
JG:  What?
DN:  The tumor is still in her.  It must be in the left gland.
JG:  Well, how is that possible?  It was the right which was elevated.
DN:  You took out the wrong gland.
JG:  I didn't take out the wrong gland.  I was just assisting.
     DN:  Yeah, but you took it out and you said it was the right
          gland and you were so proud of your diagnosis.
     JG:  It was your operation.  Your malpractice, not mine.
     DN:  So why don't you take responsibility for your diagnosis, doctor?

In Allison's room:

Al:  You have to operate again?  [DN looks to JG.]
JG:  Well, the tumor has to be in your left gland.  I don't know why
     the right would be elevated.  The blood work definitely shows the
     metabolites are still being produced.  Since you had another episode...
Al:  You took out the wrong gland?  You promised me you'd take care of me.
DN:  I will.
Al:  What happens when you take out my other gland?
JG:  We treat it with adrenal steroids.
Al:  Oh my God.
JG:  It's just that the tumor has to be microscopically small.
     That's why it's not showing up on X rays.
Al:  Danny?  [JG leaves.]

Geiger meets Birch in the hall:

AB:  Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.  What do you mean you have
     to take out the other gland?
JG:  [calmly]  Please get out of my eyeline.
AB:  How can this be?  You took out the wrong side? [JG tries to
     pass, but AB won't let him.]
JG:  I'll ask you once more nicely.  Please get out of my eyeline.
     [AB won't budge.]
AB:  How can a person live without either adrenal gland?  This is
     not a healthy way to live.
     [JG feints left, then ducks and sprints to the right, around
     AB and "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head" plays in the
     background as AB stands alone in the hall.]

Geiger and Nyland walk into Allison's room:

Al:  What's going on?  Shouldn't I be getting prepped or something?
JG:  See up there in the corner?  There's a camera.  It records
     things that go on in the CCU.  It's installed for the
     patient's protection.  We got some interesting footage today.
     [DN finds a vial in her handbag.]
DN:  Epinephrine 1/1000.
JG:  [Walks to the head of Allison's bed and leans over.]  That's
     why the tumor didn't show up on X rays.  You don't have a
     tumor.  You're a wacko.

In a bar after work:

DN:  Maybe I should have seen it.
JG:  She fooled all of us.  She's a nurse, she has medical know-how.
     And she's sick.  Very sick.  But a good kisser.
BK:  [sitting down]  Hey, sorry I'm late.
JG:  Tell the truth, we were enjoying your absence.
BK:  [to bartender]  Beer please.  [to DH]  Um... I've been
     thinking about stuff and you might be right, I'm sorry.
JG:  Sorry about what?
DH:  Nothing.
JG:  What nothing?  He says sorry, I got a right to know.  Sorry
     about what?
DH:  Drink your beer.
BK:  Hey, where's the Eel?  I thought he was gonna meet us here.
JG:  I told him.  Unless I said the Dugout.  Maybe I told him...
     No, I said the Puddle.  I'm sure I said the Puddle.
     [Next scene is Birch at the Dugout, sitting alone at a large
     table with mugs and a pitcher of beer.]

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