Great Geigerisms 1.16

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            Memorable Mandy Moments/Great Geigerisms
                          Episode 1.16
                           Freeze Cuts

Geiger is in Autopsy 124 examining a corpse's heart when Geri
Infante walks in:

GI:  I got him after you.
JG:  The consent was just to examine the heart.
GI:  The widow said I could.  I'm trying out a new rhinoplasty.
     [taking a closer look at the corpse]  Hey, wait a second.  I
     think I already did this guy once.
JG:  Referring to his nose?
GI:  Ha Ha.  No, it's not mine, but this is good work.
JG:  Geri, I'm gonna be awhile here.  What can do for you?
GI:  I want us to sleep together.
     [JG slices right through the heart with his scalpel.]
JG:  It's a good thing he was already dead.
GI:  I'm sorry.  But I know you.  Once you're inside somebody's
     chest, "How 'bout lunch" doesn't get your attention.
JG:  Is that what you really want-- lunch?
GI:  Today, yeah.  Tomorrow, maybe a dinner.  Next week, maybe
     dinner and a movie.  After 2 or 3 times of that, maybe we do
     sleep together.
JG:  Is that how you ask men out?
GI:  I never ask men out.  They ask me.  Problem is, you're not
     going to and you're the one I want to see.
JG:  Well, I'm very flattered.  But... I don't like you.
GI:  Yes, you do.  I wouldn't antagonize you so much if you didn't
     like me, at least a little.  Jeffrey, you need to get out
     more.  You're playing with corpses.  Male corpses.
JG:  It would be unprofessional for you and I to date.  You're a
     senior surgeon-- interfere with my sexually harassing the nurses.
GI:  There's some kind of chemistry between you and me. There has
     been for ten years.
JG:  You and me?
GI:  You're afraid I'd be too much for you.  I understand that
     completely and you're probably right.  I don't want to put you
     down, but emotionally you're a child.  You're afraid to cross
     the street for fear of getting run over.
JG:  I've heard that line in a song.  I think the Carpenters?
GI:  I'm offering to help you get across the street, Jeffrey.  I'm
     offering to hold your hand the whole way.
JG:  You and me?
GI:  You and me.

Geiger and Shutt walking in the hall:

JG:  She asked me out.
AS:  On a date?
JG:  No, on an autopsy.  She asked me out on an autopsy.  Of coarse
     on a date.  I want you to come.
AS:  Why?
JG:  It will be easier, less tension.  I don't know how to talk to
     a woman alone.
AS:  You talk to women all the time.
JG:  Well, this one talks back.
     Look, do me a favor.  Do I ask for much?  I think I don't.  If
     we go in a group, I could leave if it goes sour.  She still
     has someone to talk to.  I'm trying to be considerate.  Don't
     make me say "please" Aaron.  You know how I loathe that word.

Geiger and Shutt run into Geri in the hall:

GI:  Hey.  Are we still on?
JG:  Yep.  Aaron's gonna join us.
GI:  He is?  [sarcastically]  That's great.
JG:  I thought, you know, we could all go.  It would be more fun.
GI:  Uh huh.  [beeper goes off]  It's mine.  Gotta go.  Why don't
     the two of you go out?  Have a blast.
AS:  I don't think she wanted me to go.  [JG laughs as he enters
     the elevator.]

Kronk and Watters discuss Brian, the boy who was trapped beneath a frozen
pond for three hours:

BK:  I'm going to crack him and pour some warm water right on the
     heart.  It can't hurt.  [Geiger comes over.]
JG:  Yeah, it probably won't do the trick.  He's still running ice
     water through his circulation, but do a thoracotomy.  Put the
     pacing wires directly on his epicardium, so we have some
     control on the way to the OR.  C'mon, keep going.
PW:  You're going to put him on bypass?
JG:  Surest way to warm the blood.  He's already in and out of
     v-fib.  His myocardium needs help fast.  Fortunately we got
     nothing to lose.

Geiger talks to the Mrs. Concannon, Brian's mother:

MC:  Open heart surgery?
JG:  Yes, but we're not operating on the heart.  We're just pumping
     the blood out of it and into the bypass machine, until his own
     heart can take over.
MC:  He's only 12.
JG:  Well, that's in his favor.
MC:  Could I see him first?
JG:  [hesitates]  Well, uh...
MC:  Please, I have to see him.
JG:  All right.  Hold on a sec.
     [Geiger walks away and Geri joins him.]
GI:  If I'm going to reattach that ear, I gotta do it soon.
JG:  As soon as we get circulation, you're on.
GI:  Fine and Jeffrey, if you don't want to go out with me, just
     say so.  You don't have to invite friends along.
JG:  I wasn't doing that.
GI:  Right.

Geiger is walking down the hall, when Geri exits one of the ORs:

GI:  [holding out her hand]  Jeffrey, you better give it to me or
     it's gonna shrivel up and die.
JG:  What?  [Thinking she's talking about something else.]
GI:  The ear.  If we don't reattach it soon, it won't stay viable.
JG:  Oh.  Um... as soon as we get [Backs away from her and bumps
     into a window guardrail.]  As soon as we get circulation,
     you're on.  [Rubbing his sore shoulder.]  As soon as we get the
     heart started.
GI:  Why are you so afraid of me all of a sudden?
JG:  I'm not afraid of you.  Why should I be afraid of you?  I'm
     not afraid of you.  It's silly.  I'm not afraid.  [GI walks
     away smiling.]  It's ridiculous.

Geiger backtracks to where Geri is cleaning lenses in an OR:

JG:  All right, I admit it.  I'm scared of you.
GI:  Why?
JG:  Well, I got this thing about intimacy.  I hate it.
GI:  OK.  Why?
JG:  Afraid that underneath it all... I'm mentally ill.  But as
     long as it stays a secret, I'm functional, you know.  I let
     somebody get close to me, she sees I'm nuts, word gets out.
     People start to look at me like I'm nuts, I feel like I'm
     nuts and I'm not functional anymore.  So, I want, you know...
     Fighting against intimacy seems a good way to keep my insanity
     a secret.
GI:  Jeffrey, that you're insane--  Do you really think that's a
     secret?  Jeffrey Geiger's crazy.  Now there's a news bulletin.
     [She laughs.]
JG:  See what happens.  I offer you a little bit of candor and you
     use it like a weapon to bludgeon me.  There's a world for
     people like you.  What is it?  Um... ah yes... woman.
GI:  Aren't you relieved that I know you're crazy?  Think about
     it-- I know you're nuts and I still want to go out with you.
     That has to be an enormous relief.
     [JG opens his mouth but leaves in silence.]

In the OR, taking the boy off bypass, clamps and pump are turned
off, but nothing happens:

BK:  [getting impatient]  You want to pace him?
JG:  Just wait.  There are few better things in nature than a 12-
     year old heart.  C'mon buddy.  C'mon.
     [Hearts starts to pump on its own.]
     Good boy ...  You still have a long way to go.  [Exiting the
     OR and ripping off gloves, Geiger passes Geri.]  You're up.

Geri is reattaching the ear:

GI:  Almost done.  Now what?
JG:  I don't want to take the pacer out yet, so he has to go to the CCU.
AS:  I want him to have a CAT scan, now that his circulation is restored.
JG:  OK... could be hours before we know anything else.
     [to GI]  Maybe we could grab a bite?  Just the two of us.
AS:  I'm free.
JG:  Shut up.  [to GI]  What do ya say?
GI:  Sure.
     [JG looks at Camille and rolls his eyes at her reaction.]

At the restaurant, Geiger nervously shakes his foot as he tries to
carry on a conversation:

JG:  So, did I tell you I had a 12-year old cardiac patient?  Had
     the heart of an 80-year old.  It was incredible.
GI:  Actually, you did tell me.  Uh... you started to tell me and
     the waiter came over with the menus and I guess it through you.
JG:  What made it remarkable, though, was that the kid was
     otherwise 12-years old.  I mean there was no premature aging
     except for the... heart.
GI:  Except for the heart.
JG:  I wrote an article on it.  It was published.  It's actually in
     the trunk of my car beneath some crap.  I could get it.  You
     want me to get it?  It's a quick skim.  [Stands up to leave.]
GI:  Maybe later.
     [JG sits down and his foot starts to shake again.]

Geiger and Geri return to his office in the hospital:

JG:  Well.  Nice dinner.  [Geri laughs.]
GI:  It was horrible.  It was awkward.  We were both nervous.  It
     was excruciating.  Instead of going someplace for coffee, you
     wanted to come back here to the hospital.
JG:  Well, I had to.  That kid comes to, I gotta monitor his
     pacemaker.  [Stammering]  Otherwise, I'd, you know, I'd... I'd
GI:  OK.  I'll take a rain check on the otherwise.
JG:  Geri...  You really th...  Never mind.
GI:  I can't stand this.  Somebody has got to make a move here.
JG:  [whispers]  Pl... Please let it be you.
     [GI walks over and kisses him; no response from JG.]
GI:  This is how it works.  I kind of put my lips onto yours and
     squish 'em around a little and you sort of squish yours around
     too.  [He smiles.]  Look at that.  [They kiss again; GI takes
     his hand out of his pocket and puts it around her waist.]

Geiger gets the hang of it, as they start unbuttoning and taking
clothes off:

GI:  [stops]  This is supposed to be our first date.
JG:  Yeah.  OK, OK.  [but they resume until... JG starts to gag.]
GI:  JEFFREY!  JEFFREY!  [Notices him choking and hits him on the back.]
JG:  God.  Oh God.
GI:  You OK?
JG:  I swallowed...  It was lodged, but then I... then I swallowed it.
GI:  Swallowed what?
JG:  Your earring.
GI:  My what?  [feeling her ear]
JG:  It just went down.
GI:  It just went down?  It's a diamond stud.  Spit it out!
JG:  I can't spit it out.  I swallowed it.
GI:  Are you kidding!
     [JG collapses, head first, on the floor.]

Geiger's on a gurney, as Watters and Geri wheel him to X-ray:

PW:  What do you mean he swallowed something?
GI:  I mean he swallowed something.  It went down his esophagus.
PW:  You mean, like a bug?
GI:  Could have been a bug.  Could have been a diamond earring.
     Would you stop asking so many questions, Phillip.

Looking at Geiger's X-ray:

PW:  That's an earring, all right.  How'd it get there?
JG:  It's not important.  Here's what is-- I'm not in any pain at
     the moment.
GI:  I'd like to use an endoscope.  It's an heirloom.
PW:  How'd it get in there?
JG:  You can't do an endoscope.  It's halfway into my abdomen.
GI:  I want the earring.
PW:  You should be able to pass it.
GI:  Like hell.  It's more than a karat.  I saw "Fantastic Voyage".
     Loved it.  But that stud is not making the journey your
     talking about and ending up on my ear.
PW:  How did you manage to swallow-- ?
JG:  Never mind.  Geri, I'm gonna take a suppository, followed by
     a nice, big, steaming cup of coffee, chased by a bran muffin
     and 16 ounces of prune juice.
GI:  It's an antique.
JG:  You want it to see the outside world again or not?
PW:  How do you manage--  ?
JG and GI:
JG:  Phillip, regardless of how I happened to ingest her jewelry,
     I'd appreciate you not revealing this incident around the
     hospital.  [JG and GI leave.]
PW:  Who would believe it?

In Geiger's office, he is drinking and eating all that he said he would:

GI:  How long will we have to wait?
JG:  Hopefully not long.  [He gulps down a tall glass of prune
     juice.]  Oiyee.  I'm nothing if not regular, Geri.  At least
     in this respect.   Can I ask?  How is it you happened to be
     wearing a family heirloom?
GI:  They were locked up in the safe in my office and I figured I'd
     throw them on for our little date 'cause...  [GI hides her
     face in her hands; JG takes her hand.]
JG:  So, I swallowed your earring...  You and me...  If we're going
     to date, I'm sure we'll hit snags.  So, I swallowed your
     earring... This too shall pass.  [She smiles and kisses him.]

At Brians's bedside, he awakens.  Geri and Geiger enter the room:

JG:  What's going on?  [Camille explains.]
CS:  [to GI; re Brians's ear GI attached]  Your ear looks great.
     [Geri touches her own earringless ear.]  No, that one.  [She
     points to Brian's.]

Geiger holds Geri's hand as the boy is conscience and able to talk.

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