Great Geigerisms 1.16
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Memorable Mandy Moments/Great Geigerisms
Geiger is in Autopsy 124 examining a corpse's heart when Geri
Infante walks in:
GI: I got him after you.
JG: The consent was just to examine the heart.
GI: The widow said I could. I'm trying out a new rhinoplasty.
[taking a closer look at the corpse] Hey, wait a second. I
think I already did this guy once.
JG: Referring to his nose?
GI: Ha Ha. No, it's not mine, but this is good work.
JG: Geri, I'm gonna be awhile here. What can do for you?
GI: I want us to sleep together.
[JG slices right through the heart with his scalpel.]
JG: It's a good thing he was already dead.
GI: I'm sorry. But I know you. Once you're inside somebody's
chest, "How 'bout lunch" doesn't get your attention.
JG: Is that what you really want-- lunch?
GI: Today, yeah. Tomorrow, maybe a dinner. Next week, maybe
dinner and a movie. After 2 or 3 times of that, maybe we do
JG: Is that how you ask men out?
GI: I never ask men out. They ask me. Problem is, you're not
going to and you're the one I want to see.
JG: Well, I'm very flattered. But... I don't like you.
GI: Yes, you do. I wouldn't antagonize you so much if you didn't
like me, at least a little. Jeffrey, you need to get out
more. You're playing with corpses. Male corpses.
JG: It would be unprofessional for you and I to date. You're a
senior surgeon-- interfere with my sexually harassing the nurses.
GI: There's some kind of chemistry between you and me. There has
been for ten years.
JG: You and me?
GI: You're afraid I'd be too much for you. I understand that
completely and you're probably right. I don't want to put you
down, but emotionally you're a child. You're afraid to cross
the street for fear of getting run over.
JG: I've heard that line in a song. I think the Carpenters?
GI: I'm offering to help you get across the street, Jeffrey. I'm
offering to hold your hand the whole way.
JG: You and me?
GI: You and me.
Geiger and Shutt walking in the hall:
JG: She asked me out.
AS: On a date?
JG: No, on an autopsy. She asked me out on an autopsy. Of coarse
on a date. I want you to come.
JG: It will be easier, less tension. I don't know how to talk to
a woman alone.
AS: You talk to women all the time.
JG: Well, this one talks back.
Look, do me a favor. Do I ask for much? I think I don't. If
we go in a group, I could leave if it goes sour. She still
has someone to talk to. I'm trying to be considerate. Don't
make me say "please" Aaron. You know how I loathe that word.
Geiger and Shutt run into Geri in the hall:
GI: Hey. Are we still on?
JG: Yep. Aaron's gonna join us.
GI: He is? [sarcastically] That's great.
JG: I thought, you know, we could all go. It would be more fun.
GI: Uh huh. [beeper goes off] It's mine. Gotta go. Why don't
the two of you go out? Have a blast.
AS: I don't think she wanted me to go. [JG laughs as he enters
Kronk and Watters discuss Brian, the boy who was trapped beneath a frozen
pond for three hours:
BK: I'm going to crack him and pour some warm water right on the
heart. It can't hurt. [Geiger comes over.]
JG: Yeah, it probably won't do the trick. He's still running ice
water through his circulation, but do a thoracotomy. Put the
pacing wires directly on his epicardium, so we have some
control on the way to the OR. C'mon, keep going.
PW: You're going to put him on bypass?
JG: Surest way to warm the blood. He's already in and out of
v-fib. His myocardium needs help fast. Fortunately we got
nothing to lose.
Geiger talks to the Mrs. Concannon, Brian's mother:
MC: Open heart surgery?
JG: Yes, but we're not operating on the heart. We're just pumping
the blood out of it and into the bypass machine, until his own
heart can take over.
MC: He's only 12.
JG: Well, that's in his favor.
MC: Could I see him first?
JG: [hesitates] Well, uh...
MC: Please, I have to see him.
JG: All right. Hold on a sec.
[Geiger walks away and Geri joins him.]
GI: If I'm going to reattach that ear, I gotta do it soon.
JG: As soon as we get circulation, you're on.
GI: Fine and Jeffrey, if you don't want to go out with me, just
say so. You don't have to invite friends along.
JG: I wasn't doing that.
Geiger is walking down the hall, when Geri exits one of the ORs:
GI: [holding out her hand] Jeffrey, you better give it to me or
it's gonna shrivel up and die.
JG: What? [Thinking she's talking about something else.]
GI: The ear. If we don't reattach it soon, it won't stay viable.
JG: Oh. Um... as soon as we get [Backs away from her and bumps
into a window guardrail.] As soon as we get circulation,
you're on. [Rubbing his sore shoulder.] As soon as we get the
GI: Why are you so afraid of me all of a sudden?
JG: I'm not afraid of you. Why should I be afraid of you? I'm
not afraid of you. It's silly. I'm not afraid. [GI walks
away smiling.] It's ridiculous.
Geiger backtracks to where Geri is cleaning lenses in an OR:
JG: All right, I admit it. I'm scared of you.
JG: Well, I got this thing about intimacy. I hate it.
GI: OK. Why?
JG: Afraid that underneath it all... I'm mentally ill. But as
long as it stays a secret, I'm functional, you know. I let
somebody get close to me, she sees I'm nuts, word gets out.
People start to look at me like I'm nuts, I feel like I'm
nuts and I'm not functional anymore. So, I want, you know...
Fighting against intimacy seems a good way to keep my insanity
GI: Jeffrey, that you're insane-- Do you really think that's a
secret? Jeffrey Geiger's crazy. Now there's a news bulletin.
JG: See what happens. I offer you a little bit of candor and you
use it like a weapon to bludgeon me. There's a world for
people like you. What is it? Um... ah yes... woman.
GI: Aren't you relieved that I know you're crazy? Think about
it-- I know you're nuts and I still want to go out with you.
That has to be an enormous relief.
[JG opens his mouth but leaves in silence.]
In the OR, taking the boy off bypass, clamps and pump are turned
off, but nothing happens:
BK: [getting impatient] You want to pace him?
JG: Just wait. There are few better things in nature than a 12-
year old heart. C'mon buddy. C'mon.
[Hearts starts to pump on its own.]
Good boy ... You still have a long way to go. [Exiting the
OR and ripping off gloves, Geiger passes Geri.] You're up.
Geri is reattaching the ear:
GI: Almost done. Now what?
JG: I don't want to take the pacer out yet, so he has to go to the CCU.
AS: I want him to have a CAT scan, now that his circulation is restored.
JG: OK... could be hours before we know anything else.
[to GI] Maybe we could grab a bite? Just the two of us.
AS: I'm free.
JG: Shut up. [to GI] What do ya say?
[JG looks at Camille and rolls his eyes at her reaction.]
At the restaurant, Geiger nervously shakes his foot as he tries to
carry on a conversation:
JG: So, did I tell you I had a 12-year old cardiac patient? Had
the heart of an 80-year old. It was incredible.
GI: Actually, you did tell me. Uh... you started to tell me and
the waiter came over with the menus and I guess it through you.
JG: What made it remarkable, though, was that the kid was
otherwise 12-years old. I mean there was no premature aging
except for the... heart.
GI: Except for the heart.
JG: I wrote an article on it. It was published. It's actually in
the trunk of my car beneath some crap. I could get it. You
want me to get it? It's a quick skim. [Stands up to leave.]
GI: Maybe later.
[JG sits down and his foot starts to shake again.]
Geiger and Geri return to his office in the hospital:
JG: Well. Nice dinner. [Geri laughs.]
GI: It was horrible. It was awkward. We were both nervous. It
was excruciating. Instead of going someplace for coffee, you
wanted to come back here to the hospital.
JG: Well, I had to. That kid comes to, I gotta monitor his
pacemaker. [Stammering] Otherwise, I'd, you know, I'd... I'd
GI: OK. I'll take a rain check on the otherwise.
JG: Geri... You really th... Never mind.
GI: I can't stand this. Somebody has got to make a move here.
JG: [whispers] Pl... Please let it be you.
[GI walks over and kisses him; no response from JG.]
GI: This is how it works. I kind of put my lips onto yours and
squish 'em around a little and you sort of squish yours around
too. [He smiles.] Look at that. [They kiss again; GI takes
his hand out of his pocket and puts it around her waist.]
Geiger gets the hang of it, as they start unbuttoning and taking
GI: [stops] This is supposed to be our first date.
JG: Yeah. OK, OK. [but they resume until... JG starts to gag.]
GI: JEFFREY! JEFFREY! [Notices him choking and hits him on the back.]
JG: God. Oh God.
GI: You OK?
JG: I swallowed... It was lodged, but then I... then I swallowed it.
GI: Swallowed what?
JG: Your earring.
GI: My what? [feeling her ear]
JG: It just went down.
GI: It just went down? It's a diamond stud. Spit it out!
JG: I can't spit it out. I swallowed it.
GI: Are you kidding!
[JG collapses, head first, on the floor.]
Geiger's on a gurney, as Watters and Geri wheel him to X-ray:
PW: What do you mean he swallowed something?
GI: I mean he swallowed something. It went down his esophagus.
PW: You mean, like a bug?
GI: Could have been a bug. Could have been a diamond earring.
Would you stop asking so many questions, Phillip.
Looking at Geiger's X-ray:
PW: That's an earring, all right. How'd it get there?
JG: It's not important. Here's what is-- I'm not in any pain at
GI: I'd like to use an endoscope. It's an heirloom.
PW: How'd it get in there?
JG: You can't do an endoscope. It's halfway into my abdomen.
GI: I want the earring.
PW: You should be able to pass it.
GI: Like hell. It's more than a karat. I saw "Fantastic Voyage".
Loved it. But that stud is not making the journey your
talking about and ending up on my ear.
PW: How did you manage to swallow-- ?
JG: Never mind. Geri, I'm gonna take a suppository, followed by
a nice, big, steaming cup of coffee, chased by a bran muffin
and 16 ounces of prune juice.
GI: It's an antique.
JG: You want it to see the outside world again or not?
PW: How do you manage-- ?
JG and GI:
JG: Phillip, regardless of how I happened to ingest her jewelry,
I'd appreciate you not revealing this incident around the
hospital. [JG and GI leave.]
PW: Who would believe it?
In Geiger's office, he is drinking and eating all that he said he would:
GI: How long will we have to wait?
JG: Hopefully not long. [He gulps down a tall glass of prune
juice.] Oiyee. I'm nothing if not regular, Geri. At least
in this respect. Can I ask? How is it you happened to be
wearing a family heirloom?
GI: They were locked up in the safe in my office and I figured I'd
throw them on for our little date 'cause... [GI hides her
face in her hands; JG takes her hand.]
JG: So, I swallowed your earring... You and me... If we're going
to date, I'm sure we'll hit snags. So, I swallowed your
earring... This too shall pass. [She smiles and kisses him.]
At Brians's bedside, he awakens. Geri and Geiger enter the room:
JG: What's going on? [Camille explains.]
CS: [to GI; re Brians's ear GI attached] Your ear looks great.
[Geri touches her own earringless ear.] No, that one. [She
points to Brian's.]
Geiger holds Geri's hand as the boy is conscience and able to talk.
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