Great Geigerisms 1.14

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            Memorable Mandy Moments/Great Geigerisms
                          Episode 1.14
                          Cutting Edges

Geiger visits Laurie at the institution:

JG:  Hey honey.  Sorry I'm late.  Traffic.  [Sees Gilbert Weeks
     sitting on the bed]  Who are you?
LG:  You remember Gilbert.  Gilbert Weeks-- he was in the band originally.
GW:  Until you cut me.
JG:  Right.  I didn't recognize you without your uh... trombone.
GW:  Yeah.
JG:  [pulls LG to the side]  Honey, as I recall, Gilbert has cut people
     with sharp instruments.  Should you really be alone with him.
LG:  That was one isolated incident with a can opener.
JG:  I understand that but even so, given your own volatile...
     [notices that GW is listening in]  Could... could you lean
     back, please?  Appreciate it.  [to LG]  Security should really
     be present.
LG:  Gilbert and I are extremely close.  That's sort of why he's
     here.  We have something to say.
GW:  I would like her hand.
JG:  I see.  She needs her hand, Gilbert.  Suppose someday she'd
     like to play the trombone, like you.  She'd need both her
     hands, wouldn't she?
GW:  I mean her hand in marriage.
LG:  And I want to give it to him.
JG:  I beg your pardon.
LG:  I'm sorry.  I know this is a conversation we should be having
     alone, and I wanted to tell you alone, but I was afraid that
     I wouldn't be strong enough to say it.
JG:  Strong enough to say... ?
LG:  I'm in love with Gilbert and I want to marry him.
JG:  You... ?  It's a joke right?  [laughing]
LG:  It's not a joke [laughs along].  I want a divorce.

JG:  [Leads GW to the door.]  Can we have the room for minute,
GW:  I would prefer not to leave.  Laurie needs my support.
JG:  Well, I'm Laurie's husband, Gilbert.  I would like to share a
     spousal communication with her in your absence.
GW:  I don't like your tone.  I'm a lawyer by trade, you know, and
     I object to your condescending intonations.
JG:  Objection sustained, counsel.  Let's try to keep in mind,
     you're in this academy because you tried to play doctor with
     a jagged can opener without getting informed consent from your
     patient.  [GW remains in the doorway]  Both feet have to be
     fully out for the door to close.
GW:  The tone troubles me.
JG:  Shut your eyes.  Think Prozac.
     [He closes the door and joins LG on the bed.]
     Are you out of what's left of your mind?
LG:  I didn't plan on it happening.  We've been together every day
     for three years.
JG:  Laurie, I am your husband.
LG:  I'm not gonna get better.
JG:  So marrying Gilbert... that's an answer?
LG:  I want a partner again.  I want somebody to share with and live with.
JG:  I've tried to be there for you.
LG:  I can't imagine anybody trying harder than you have.  I also
     cannot imagine loving anybody as deeply as I have you.  And,
     God, if I could get back, if I could return to the way it was,
     that would be one thing, but I'm not gonna get back there,
     sweetie.  So I have to move forward.  And I love Gilbert.

Shutt walks past Geiger's office.  Geiger is pacing pantless:

AS:  Why are you not wearing pants?
JG:  Because I need to concentrate.  I need to pace in order to
     concentrate.  [Shutt enters and closes the door.]  I also need
     quite.  When I pace, my pants make a sound.  Not a big sound,
     a little sound.  A little whipping sound.  Strikes me.  Makes
     me hafta stop pacing.  I don't think so well.
     You see, I'm nuts!  I'm perfectly qualified to be her partner
     in life.  I can... I can be just as crazy as that loon with
     the trombone.  [He imitates a trombone player.]  You know who
     they bonded over?  Red Sox, the Boston Red Sox.  Who bonds
     over the Boston Red Sox?  He first went over the edge in '86
     after they blew the World Series to the Mets.  Can you believe
     that?  A baseball game sent the guy to the rubber room.  She
     finds it endearing 'cause she grew up routing for the Cubs.
     She could identify.  Unbelievable!  [He starts to pace again.]
     I'm hearing my pants.  I'm not wearin' 'em.  I'm hearin'
     phantom pant noises.  Whip, whip, whip, whip, whip.  I
     couldn't snap over baseball, maybe, but I'm perfectly capable
     of empathizing with her insanity.  We can be partners.  Am I
     the only one hearing the pants, huh?
AS:  You said that if she could return to her old self, she would?
JG:  Of coarse.  [Looks at AS, folds his arms; silence from AS.]
     ... What?
AS:  There is one procedure.  It's called a cingulotomy.
JG:  Brain surgery... for Schizophrenia?
AS:  Extremely radical.  Only place that's ever done it is Mass.
     General.  Personally I have some ethical reservations.
JG:  And done it successfully?
AS:  About 40% show improvement.
JG:  Explain the procedure.
AS:  Well, hold on...
JG:  Explain... the procedure.
     [Shutt explains.]
     Why isn't it done?
AS:  Because it's so controversial, no hospital wants to touch it.
JG:  It isn't a good reason, if it could save a life.
AS:  Well, Jeffrey, you're talking about a partial lobotomy.  Do
     you really want to do that to Laurie?
JG:  I don't want to do it...  I want you to do it.

Geiger visits Laurie to explain the surgery to her:

JG:  It is brain surgery and it might not work.
LG:  But, but I... this, this could make me better again?
JG:  Yes.
LG:  Then, of coarse I want it.  How could I not?
JG:  Are you sure?
LG:  I want the operation.  I want it.  [She smiles and they kiss.]

Geiger, Shutt, Birch in Watters' office:

AB:  It's a lobotomy.  That's what this is, a lobotomy.
JG:  You're an attorney.  Affectionately known as the Eel, because
     you slither around from room to room on a bed of fungus which
     oozes from your mouth under the malignant guise of legal
     counsel.  What you are *not* is a doctor.  So please, do not
     ever try to define medical procedures for my benefit.  Do you
     feel too trampled upon with that restriction?
AB:  No, no, no, no, no. no.  I would never presume to preempt your
     medical judgement.  As an attorney, however, I'm often
     occasioned to have opinions.  My opinion here is that this
     operation threatens catastrophic repercussions for this
     hospital.  It is irreversible.  It is unpredictable.  The risks...
JG:  You're talking medicine again.  This troubles me.  You are not a doctor.
AB:  And are you or are you the husband?
PW:  All right, that's enough!
AB:  He started it.  Sorry, Phillip, I have to be allowed to fight
     back.  Always had gumption when cornered.
PW:  Aaron, this procedure.  It... it does seem a little barbaric.
AS:  Well, it doesn't involve much brain tissue.  We pinpoint cell
     clusters and... look, every option has been exhausted.  Drugs.
     Electroconvulsion therapy.  Nothing's worked.
PW:  But this...
AS:  Well, as barbaric as it sounds, it's going on very quietly already.
AB:  Not here, it isn't.
PW:  Shhhh.
AS:  It's psychosurgery and it goes on hundreds of times a year.
     Nobody likes to talk about it because of the "L" word.  Nobody
     likes the phrase "lobotomy," but it is a treatment.
JG:  Patients have a right to it if they want it.  Laurie wants it.
AB:  At the very least, we have to put this to risk management.
JG:  [pleading]  Oh please!  No committees!  This is my wife.
     Can't we just do this without assembling the debate team?  Press'll
     come in a frenzy.  Could we just do it quietly?  Please, Phillip.
PW:  Are you the legal guardian?
JG:  I am.
PW:  OK.
JG:  Thank you.

Geiger and Birch walk off the elevator:

JG:  I don't believe this!
AB:  It wasn't my doing.  I promise you.  He just appeared in my office.
JG:  I do not believe this!
     [Enters Birch's office; shakes GW's hand.]
     Gilbert!  What a surprise.
GW:  [to DG]  Check out the tone.
DG:  I'm Dr. Goodman, resident psychiatrist at Huron.  [shakes
     hands with JG]
JG:  Hi.  Jeff Geiger.  [leading DG away from GW]  Are you
     supporting this?
DG:  No.  In order for him to leave the institute, he's got to be
     accompanied by a doctor and security and that's why I'm here.
     The lawsuit's his own initiative.
GW:  I'm an attorney.  I'm fully licensed to litigate.  And you're
     not going to perform this invasive procedure on my fiancee.
JG:  Please.  [Gestures GW to sit down; JG slumps in a chair.]
     [whispers to himself]  Fiancee.
     What's the nature of your lawsuit?
GW:  I've brought a motion to disqualify you as guardian.  Laurie
     lacks capacity to give meaningful consent to this cingulotomy.
     And the guardian should certainly not be you, since your sole
     motive for this operation is to make her fall out of love with
     me, her true soulmate.
JG:  My motivation is for her to get well.
GW:  Well, she's been ill for six years and it wasn't until she
     decided to marry me, that you felt compelled to drill into her brain.
JG:  Mr. Weeks, you too are an ill man, in no position to be vested
     with Laurie's welfare.  You went insane 'cause the Red Sox
     lost a series of baseball games to the Mets.  Gilbert, the
     Mets *were* a better team.
GW:  The Mets were *not* a better team and I'm not insane.
JG:  [sits next to GW on the couch]  Well, here's something-- Bucky Dent.
GW:  Routine fly ball, routine.  Any other park, it's an out.  Easy out.
DG:  Easy.  Easy, Gilbert.  Looped toward shortstop.  Petrocelli's
     back and he's got it.  The Red Sox win.
GW:  Red Sox win.
JG:  What are you doing?
DG:  Taking him back to 1967.  The year they won the pennant.
     Remember the rally, Gilbert?  Lonberg started it off with a bunt.
GW:  Then he has to go skiing.  Should be in the Hall of Fame.
     Instead, he's a dentist.
DG:  Could you give us just a moment, please?

Outside Birch's office:

JG:  How can this man go to court and challenge us.  He's  certifiable.
AB:  His sanity isn't the issue.  Your being the guardian is the
     basis of the motion.  If he removes you as guardian, there
     will be no operation on Laurie.
JG:  This is insane.
AB:  We did catch a break.  Division 16, tomorrow.  Our friend,
     Judge Aldrich is sitting.
JG:  Our friend?  The one that calls you a toad?
AB:  He's sympathetic to this hospital and he is not threatened by
     controversial procedures.  He is the judge we want.

In Shutt's office with a bottle of booze on the table.  Shutt is on
the couch, Geiger in a chair:

JG:  Explain it to me again.
AS:  How many times are we gonna ...
JG:  'Til I know it by memory, that's how many times.  I want to be
     able to do the procedure myself if I have to.  You target the
     cingulum, then what?
     [Shutt explains again.]
     Do you think it's wrong?  Ethically?
AS:  I don't know.  We're operating on a brain to alter a
     personality.  I don't know.
JG:  We already do it with drugs.  All the time.  Prozac,
     Thorazine.  Mind altering drugs.  Is it really so different to
     do it with a piece of equipment?  What am I supposed to do,
     Aaron?  Let her be insane the rest of her life.  Let her
     resign herself to... where she has to marry some other nutcase
     just...  What am I supposed to do?

Geiger wheels Laurie off the elevator, accompanied by a mangled
Birch.  Shutt meets them:

AS:  Hey, so the judge said "Yes"?
AB:  Yeah, Gilbert was winning 'til he wigged out and mugged me.
     Aldrich ruled in our favor.
JG:  We go tomorrow, Aaron.
LG:  You gonna do a good job, right?
AS:  I'll do my very best.
JG:  Let's go, honey.
     [Geiger wheels Laurie to her room; both looking scared.]

In the operating room before the operation.  The Temptations'
"Ain't too Proud to Beg" is playing in the background:

AS:  It's my procedure.  I should be able to choose the music.
JG:  I thought you loved the Temptations.
AS:  That's not the point.  You shouldn't preempt me like that,
     Jeffrey.  It's your wife I'm operating on.  I think you'd want
     me to listen to the music of my choice.
JG:  I thought you loved the Temptations.  Stop the music.
     [Camille enters.]
CS:  Jeffrey...  Laurie is still in her room.
JG:  What?
CS:  Evidently she has a visitor.  A man claiming to be her fiance.
JG:  Son of a bitch!  [Ripping off his gloves as he leaves.]

In Laurie's room:

GW:  Laurie, you know I want you to get better.  I just wish there
     was an operation for me.  No, actually I don't.  At Huron,
     I've been the happiest I've ever been.
LG:  In an institution?
GW:  It's a community.  Lots of good friends, food's good... even
     fell in love there.
LG:  Me too.
GW:  What if after the operation you still love me.  Would you and
     I still have a chance?
LG:  I don't know.  They say that when I'm sane, I won't love you
     anymore, so I don't know.
     [Geiger appears.]
JG:  Gilbert...  can I have a second alone?
GW:  [leaving]  Please don't sing.
JG:  I'll try not to.  [GW leaves; JG closes the door and sits on LG's bed.]
     You really do love him, don't you?
LG:  Yeah.
JG:  Do you want this operation, Laurie?
LG:  No.  I love you, Jeffrey.  I always will.  You're the most
     special person I've ever known.  But, I do remember us
     together.  Even before the incident... and the truth is, I
     think I'm happier with Gilbert.
JG:  [crushed]  I see.
LG:  I think that maybe I belong with Gilbert.
JG:  OK.  I'm uh... I got the team assembled downstairs so I'd
     better go let them know the procedure's canceled.
LG:  Yeah.
JG:  I don't want to tie up the room so, I'll be back.  [He leaves.]
LG:  Jeffrey!  [too late]

Geiger walks into the operating room:

JG:  Listen up people.  This procedure is canceled.  Thank you all
     for your time.  You're free to go.
AS:  What's going on?
JG:  She opted to remain insane, which may, in fact, be the sane
     thing to do.  Does that sound crazy?  Maybe I need the
     operation.  [Seeing that no one has left]  Why are you people
     still standing here?  Get out.  Get lost, huh?  Go call your
     accountants.  [They leave.]
AS:  What happened?
JG:  [pacing]  She loves Gilbert, she loves me not.  She loves
     Gilbert, she loves me not.  Loves Gilbert, loves me not...
AS:  OK, Jeffrey.  Your pants making noise again?
JG:  Aaron, I wanna go out and celebrate.  I'm liberated. I stood
     by her.  I was a good husband.  I was there for her in every
     way.  She's choosing to leave me.  I'm off the hook.  I'm home
     free.  I want to go out and drink Guinness.  I know how the
     Munchkins felt when that house landed.  I have never been so free.
AS:  Well, we should have a big, big party.
JG:  It's not like we had a life together.  She's in a nuthouse.
     (pacing again; quiet for a moment)
     She's still my foundation.  I wake up everyday still loving
     her.  How am I gonna wake up tomorrow?
AS:  You just do.
JG:  I never thought of myself as being without her.  It's all for
     the best.  It's really for the best.  It's a blessing is what
     it is.  We're all gonna be better off.  It's a great day,
     really.  It is a good, good day, man.
AS:  Yeah, happy day.  [hurting for his friend]
     [Geiger leaves the room.]

In Laurie's room, ready to leave the hospital:

JG:  This doesn't have to be goodbye, right?
LG:  Of coarse not.  I'll still need you, Jeffrey.
JG:  Is it OK for me to need you once in a while?
LG:  I'd like that.
JG:  [whispers]  Love you.
LG:  Love you.  [They kiss awkwardly.]
JG:  Bye-bye, Laurie.  Take care.
LG:  Yep.

Laurie is being wheeled out.  She and Weeks are happily singing
"Carl Yztremski."  Geiger watches them, tosses a folder on the
counter and walks slowly in the opposite direction, alone.

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