Great Geigerisms 1.11
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Memorable Mandy Moments/Great Geigerisms
Love & Hope
Geiger is playing the piano and singing "Jingle Bells" to Laurie at
LG: No, no. You have to sing Casey.
JG: Sweetie, Casey isn't a Christmas song.
LG: I want Casey. It's my show. I want Casey.
JG: OK. Will the band be able to play Casey? Jingle Bells is
something everybody knows.
LG: I got the sheet music. They can do it, but we have to
rehearse. Can you rehearse with the-- [JG's beeper goes off.]
JG: There's an emergency at the hospital, but I'll tell you what. We'll
do Casey and I'll come back and rehearse with the other patients.
LG: Let's call them musicians.
JG: [nodding] OK.
[His beeper goes off again. LG takes it and throws it across
At the hospital, Geiger walks over to Nyland and his patient in the ER:
JG: This better be good. You pulled me out of the nut house.
DN: He was in [v-tek?].
JG: I was the only cardiothoracic surgeon on-call. I think not. ...
[JG looks over at the patient.] This man has an erection.
What's your name sir.
GN: [through the oxygen mask] Godfrey Nabbott.
GN: Godfrey Nabbott.
JG: Mr. Nabbott, I'm Dr. Geiger. The amyl nitrite was not a very
sound decision. You have a very serious arrhythmia and it was
complicated by your asthma. I want to admit you to the
coronary unit. You probably need a pacemaker.
GN: Oh no!
JG: We're going to evaluate you in the meantime, we need to keep
you monitored. Try not to worry. You're uh ... in good hands.
Geiger is playing the piano [in his office?] and Geri Infante walks in:
GI: I'm sorry. I was walking by and heard the music and I just
had to come in and tell you-- you stink.
JG: You know, Geri. I'd really love to bury the hatchet-- right
in your head.
GI: Cute. Truth is... that is why I came by. If I'm working here,
we really should get along. Make nice. Testify for each
other in malpractice claims. Refer unnecessary procedures...
whatever. Let me take you to dinner on Thursday.
JG: Thanks [shaking his head]. I promised my wife I'd, uh, be in
her Christmas show. Fa la la la la from the laughing academy.
GI: Oh... Um... Is she ever gonna get better?
GI: Well, I'm sure you heard this before and I have no place
saying this, but... have you thought about moving on. She's
not who you married. You don't have to stay married to her.
JG: [whispers] Yes, I do.
GI: Anyway... well... if you ever need somebody to put a smile on
your face, remember, I can do it surgically.
JG: I'll keep that in mind.
GI: Meantime, keep practicing. You really do stink.
[She leaves and JG plays 3 sad notes.]
Geiger explains to Nabbott and his girlfriend Melissa Cole about the
GN: You want to operate?
JG: It's what we talked about. You had a severe reaction to the
epinephrine. Which, given your asthmatic condition, is a
concern. You're an otherwise healthy man. There's no reason
for you to be suddenly dropping dead.
MC: What are you saying?
JG: We want to implant a defibrillator.
MC: And that's a pacemaker?
JG: Same idea. It's actually a mini computer. We insert here and
wire it up to your heart. Should your heart ever stop, it
will automatically deliver an electric shock to restart it.
GN: You want to put a computer inside me?
JG: Yes sir, I do.
Geiger is scrubbing for Nabbott's surgery as Shutt is discussing
his inability to get it up:
AS: Maybe I should try some amyl nitrite.
JG: Aaron, if I had a nickel for every time Mr. Man didn't show up
for class [counts to two on his fingers]... I'd have a dime.
AS: It's never happened to me before.
JG: You're getting back at the love of your life. After all
you two have been through, it'd be strange if you didn't
suffer some anxiety.
AS: What about you and Laurie? Do they allow, you know, uh...
JG: No. And even if they did, she's insane. [She'd trip?]
through the experience of it. I gotta fix Mr. Nabbott's
AS: Do you... have you been with anybody, uh... since Laurie?
Have you-- ?
JG: I'm going into surgery. Can we not have this discussion now!?
[goes into OR] I'm a little gassy everybody so--
DN: [passing by AS] Hey, what's up?
AS: Very funny!
In the OR, Geiger is singing "What Becomes of a Broken Heart":
JG: OK, this guy's wired for sound. Give me the gizmo. [He taps
At the institution, Geiger is warming up with "Coffee in a
Cardboard Cup" as the "musicians" look on. Laurie comes rushing in:
[M=mental (or musician)]
LG: That's not the song! That's not the song!
JG: Honey, I know. I'm just warming up. It's good to warm up.
LG: Warm up on Casey.
M1: I only know 3 notes, so I prefer those kinds of songs with 3 notes.
M2: No song has just 3 notes, you mental.
M3: You know more than 3. You're the best one. He's a liar.
JG: All right. The song we're doing--Casey, it's pretty simple.
You all said you could read sheet music right?
M1: Only 3 notes.
M2: He's mental.
M3: And a liar. A mental liar.
LG: Stop it!
JG: Don't panic. No reason to get upset. It's OK. This is an
easy song. We can all do it.
LG: It has to be perfect. I promised everyone it would be perfect.
JG: Honey, this is a Christmas show. It's gonna be fun for
everybody. This is gonna be great. [He hugs her.] Come on.
LG: [to the others] He's my husband.
M2: Does he know we're all mental?
He got crazy once and cut somebody. That's why he's here.
JG: Elliot, I cut people for a living. I get paid very well for
it. Which isn't to say I wouldn't do it for free. Did I
mention I have conversations with my dead mother?
M2: He's one of us!
Laurie has a tantrum and the doctor/guards are trying to hold her
down while administering something to calm her. Geiger rushes in:
JG: What happened?
Dr.: She bit me.
JG: Honey, I'm right here. I'm right here. It's OK. I'm right
Anybody know what set her off?
They were rehearsing for the show. The band... didn't sound
JG: [Stroking her forehead] All right, baby. You rest. I'm
going to rehearse the band. Just rest, honey.
Rolling up his sleeves, Geiger faces the musicians:
JG: OK, you know tomorrow night's show is very important and we
want to get it right, don't we? [no answer] DON'T WE?
M3: Please! Don't talk to us that way. Our families will be here
too. Of coarse we want it to be good. Do you have any idea
how big tomorrow night is for *all* of us?
JG: Yeah, I think I do. OK, everybody, pick up your instruments.
I want to start with the bridge which is at the very top of
the page here. Any of you seen "The Music Man"?
M1: [in the rhythm of "We got trouble in River City"] I'm talking
about a boys' band-- Ooh baby-- Little Opie with a lisp-- Big
director now-- Kinda bald ... Trombone-- Talk about trouble,
right here in River City-- Not talking about ping-pong, just
[JG just stares.]
M3: You asked if anyone saw it.
JG: The point is... this band... they used the "think" method.
You think the song as hard as you can. That's what I want you
to do. OK? Instruments up everybody. OK everybody? On
three we go. Now the bridge from the top... and think. 1-2-3
1-2... [They begin to play--terribly.] Keep playing... but
stop thinking. Play, but don't think. Read the notes. Do
not think. [Sinks onto piano bench.]
Camille joins Geiger [eyes closed; contemplating] on the roof:
JG: [a little startled] Hmmm?
CS: Aaron and I were thinking-- how about you coming to our place
for Christmas dinner?
JG: Thanks. Probably go to the rubber room with Laurie. Boneless
turkey breast, mashed potatoes. All the food which can't be
used as a weapon.
CS: I heard about what happened today.
JG: She had every right. Band was lousy.
Sometimes, I wish she would die. I mean, I don't... but I
love her... But I see her suffering. If she were completely
insane, if she was so gone that she didn't even know. She
does know. She's insane enough to be insane, but she's not so
insane she doesn't know she's insane. Listen to me. They
should outfit me for a jacket. [smiles]. Geri... Geri
Infante says I should move on, 'cause Laurie's not the same
woman I married. It's true... but she's also uh... [smiles
again] There's still a little bit of the woman I fell in love
with. That part, I guess I can't get by.
[CS puts her hand on JG's shoulder.]
Geiger is fixing his tie in the window, getting ready for the
concert when Watters stops by:
PW: You all set for the big show?
JG: Yeah. Stupid huh?
PW: Nah. Ron [Cusonni?] is a friend of mine. He's heard you sing.
PW: One Wednesday a month, you go on stage at Russo's, a little
dungeon of a bar. Use a different name. Says you're quite good.
JG: That's the way I... I just blow steam. That's all. It's a release.
PW: I'd love to come.
JG: No. I'm not a doctor in there. I can't do it in front of
people who know me. Except Laurie. I don't know. It's
another personality I gotta give voice to. Aaron doesn't even
know and I prefer you not tell.
PW: All right, all right. [walking away]
JG: Beg your pardon.
PW: Boxing. I help run a boxing clinic with kids. It's my
release. I use to box way back when... when I had hair.
JG: I bet you were good.
PW: ... Well, I had hair.
Sing well, Jeffrey.
JG: Hey, Phillip. Do you want to come with me? I mean, I could
try singing in front of somebody I know. If it's too much,
what the hell, I'll be right there in the nut house, no commute.
PW: You're sure?
[JG starts to leave, and turns around to place his beeper on
At the institution, the musicians are waiting to go on. A comedian
is performing for the audience:
LG: The room is completely full.
M1: He's telling jokes, but nobody's laughing.
M2: They'll laugh at you.
M1: Shut up!
LG: Stop it! You said it was going to be perfect.
JG: Laurie, if it's not, you have to accept it. If you make a
scene, the guards will come and take you out. Then you'll
miss our big finish.
M3: Can you see my mother? Is she out there?
M1: You know your mother. I thought she was dead.
M2: That's his mother, mental. [re JG's]
M3: We're gonna blow it.
JG: Hey, hey. You all worked very hard. We're gonna go out there
and be great and we're gonna have fun. Everybody, let's have
fun. This is your night, huh?
LG: It's not gonna work. It's not gonna work.
JG: Honey, it's gonna work. Come on.
[JG and LG hug-- which prompts the drummer to put his arms
[Then they all join in a group hug.]
Geiger sings Casey and the band plays great. Laurie is full of
emotion and delight.
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