Random collected quotes

(1:36:06 PM) eeyore: as I am playing with the cat and trying to get her used to the house I realize that I'm following basically the same procedure as I would with a kidnap victim that I was trying to turn
(1:36:20 PM) eeyore: she has her own room with a bed and a toilet and some things to idly spend her time with
(1:36:35 PM) eeyore: I come in and visit for a while every once in a while and we spend time together getting her used to me
(1:36:43 PM) eeyore: then I leave and close the door and come back later
(1:36:50 PM) eeyore: slowly she warms up to me and her fear diminishes
(1:37:01 PM) eeyore: and then one day I let her out and she kills me in my sleep and runs away
- 1 July 2008
(11:03:16 AM) eeyore: so we did a phone interview with a guy, and somebody noticed on google alerts a blog post by somebody who had had a phone interview, and it turned out to be the same guy
(11:03:27 AM) eeyore: and from his blog we gathered that he's into polyamory and BDSM
(11:03:50 AM) eeyore: so, yeah, why he didn't put that on his resume I'll never know
(11:04:14 AM) eeyore: now the in person interview won't be weird at all
- 29 May 2008
(11:06:51 AM) eeyore: heh, I've been looking at some assembly for an architecture I don't know very well yet and there's a mnemonic 'STMFD' and 'LTMFD', which I can only assume (by context) mean 'store the mother fucking data' and 'load the mother fucking data'
- 4 Oct 2007
[15:56] <@eeyore> what kills me about the SotU, which I like to watch otherwise, is the fucking CLAPPING
[15:56] <@eeyore> if _I_ was president, I would get up there and say, 'I will have the secret service execute anyone who claps before I'm finished.'
[15:56] <@eeyore> because they do it several times every minute and it's fucking stupid
[15:58] <@snoopy> there would be some who clapped for the ban on clapping
[15:58] * synec would get confused and clap in approval of the policy
[15:59] <@eeyore> they'd get a double tap
[15:59] <@snoopy> exactly
[15:59] <@eeyore> and I'd send them out to murder their kids
[15:59] <@eeyore> I also think it's hillarious when half of congress claps or stands, while the other half sits down
- 31 Jan 2006: Why eeyore will never be elected president

[16:35] <@synec> jesus h motherfucking christ
[16:36] <@synec> eeyore: you were catholic... what does the "h" stand for?
[16:37] <@eeyore> the h in what ?
[16:37] <@synec> jesus h christ
[16:37] <@eeyore> oh
[16:38] <@LingLing>  http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-jes1.htm
[16:38] <@eeyore> handjob I think
[16:38] <@synec> omfg
[16:38] <@yph> ....
[16:38] <@LingLing> haha
[16:38] <@LingLing> I've gotta start going to church
[16:38] <@eeyore> don't tell me _you've_ never felt the love of christ

- 16 Jan 2006

"I look at a monster, take off my pants, and its threat level goes up."

- mhough, ~1:00 PM 27 Oct 2003

"Then I'd be working for nobody. Nobody makes even worse games than Activision does."

- mhough, some time in Oct 2003, poorly expressing his thoughts

"I'm almost done... I just started."

- greG, 5:56 AM, 27 October 2000, about his HCI homework

Authentic Personal message at 19:07:38 on Tue Jul 25 2000
From: gregory hutchins <gmh> on elaine38.Stanford.EDU
To: yph@IR.STANFORD.EDU
look at all them vortex
look at all them vortexs
look at all them  ... fuck it.  Dunno.  whirlpools?
- when asked, "What is the plural of vortex, anyway?"

Authentic Personal message at 22:50:51 on Wed Jun  7 2000
From: gregory hutchins <gmh> on epic16.Stanford.EDU
To: yph@IR.STANFORD.EDU

how is this summary:
Friday, May 19
Byraon Reeves
Stanford Dept. of Communication
Arousal Responses to Interactive Media
----------------------------------------

    Reeves talked a lot about a device called the Galvactator,
a nuclear powered death ray.  Well, actually the Galvactator is just
this little black glove with a  light on it that measures the moiture
coming from the sweat glands in the palm (if the glove had deathray
functionality it was not mentioned.)

Authentic Personal message at 22:28:48 on Wed Jun  7 2000
From: John Abraham Bauer <horatio> on elaine31.Stanford.EDU
To: yph@IR.STANFORD.EDU

elaine31:~mfk/cs191/demo2> man yph
Reformatting page.  Please wait ... done
User Commands                                               yph(1)
NAME
     yph - an arbitrary insult generator
SYNOPSIS
     yph
DESCRIPTION
     Yph is an arbitrary insult generator.  Under conditions of little
     sleep, sharp performance increase is noticible.  Thinks it is the shit
     because it is a 107 TA.  Will make obnoxious zwrites with little
     provocation.     
BUGS
     Email bug reports to bug-gnu-utils@prep.ai.mit.edu.  Be sure
     to  include  the  word  ``yph'' somewhere in the ``Subject:''
     field.  A better solution is to simply run ``nkill yph -9 -all''.
GNU Project          Last change: 1997-03-25                    6
- after yph resonds to horatio's question about dc with two zwrites: "man dc, mofucka" and man dc | zwrite horatio

Authentic Personal message at 20:11:37 on Wed Jun  7 2000
From: gregory hutchins <gmh> on elaine38.Stanford.EDU
To: yph@IR.STANFORD.EDU

foodp?

Authentic Personal message at 20:12:54 on Wed Jun  7 2000
From: gregory hutchins <gmh> on elaine38.Stanford.EDU
To: yph@IR.STANFORD.EDU

technically speaking, the "?" in my last message was redundant.

Zup.  Be there soon.
(aren't my friends the biggest geeks?)

Authentic Personal message at 02:50:32 on Tue Jun  6 2000
From: Dawson R Engler <engler> on tree1.Stanford.EDU
To: yph@IR.STANFORD.EDU

i thought initially that it was some pissed off phd's that didn't like
the OS quall.

Authentic Personal message at 02:52:39 on Tue Jun  6 2000
From: Dawson R Engler <engler> on tree1.Stanford.EDU
To: yph@IR.STANFORD.EDU

it will be echoed through the ages.

and on naming day, the yph spake: let that which is ceasers be unto him.
and gmh listeneth and said unto the people: make it so.  and it was.
and it was good.
- regarding the "elevator machine" prank

Date: Sun, 4 Jun 2000 02:31:58 -0700 (PDT)
From mfk@Stanford.EDU Sun Jun  4 02:32:02 2000
From: Michael Foster Kim <mfk@Stanford.EDU>
To: sangman@Stanford.EDU, yph@Stanford.EDU
Cc: horatio@Stanford.EDU, mfk@cs.Stanford.EDU
Subject: www.cat-scan.com

Mike to John: Check out this random-ass web-page Sangman sent me...
[we look at pictures of cat scans]
John to Mike: What is it just a bunch pictures of cat-asses?
Mike to John: Well yeah, they just put cats on a scanner and scanned
them.
John to Mike: Do they get trophies for them?
Mike to John: I don't know... I guess so.
John to Mike: Well, if they did it would be a cat-ass-trophy.
Mike to John: [groan]

Date: Fri, 2 Jun 2000 22:41:48 -0700 (PDT)
From horatio@stanford.edu Fri Jun  2 22:41:49 2000
From: John Abraham Bauer <horatio@stanford.edu>
To: Yu Ping Hu <yph@stanford.edu>
Subject: Haiku silliness (for quote file?)

After latest threat to train many years to be able to kick Mike's
butt...

Mike's response:

then you kick my ass
ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch
my ass being kicked
"It helps to be an enlightened being."

- mfk, 5:00 PM 1 June 2000, referring to his A on a bullshit paper

load averages:  2.00,  2.38,  2.43                                     17:11:35
146 processes: 143 sleeping, 2 running, 1 on cpu
CPU states:  0.0% idle, 96.8% user,  3.2% kernel,  0.0% iowait,  0.0% swap
Memory: 128M real, 2920K free, 1036M swap in use, 44M swap free

  PID USERNAME THR PRI NICE  SIZE   RES STATE    TIME    CPU COMMAND
21169 tbretl     4   0    0   24M 1192K run    876:11 51.36% Medit
11537 paulwlee   1  10    0   12M 4264K run     37:06 34.98% verilog.ee282
11544 paulwlee   4  32    0   11M 4168K sleep    0:17  0.90% gs
12314 lilly      1  60    0  521M   29M sleep    1:07  0.88% justencoding
 7934 yph        1  58    0  134M   24M sleep    1:45  0.68% Xsun
 8094 yph        1  44    5   26M 4640K sleep    0:57  0.26% netscape
12347 wangm      1  58    0  888K  800K sleep    0:00  0.08% more
 9035 yph        1  58    0 2240K 1096K cpu      0:11  0.08% top
12172 yph        1  49    0 1816K  448K sleep    0:00  0.07% ssh
13634 bjjiang    8  58    0   31M 4184K sleep    0:13  0.05% rmiregistry
 7955 yph        1  58    0 3016K 1056K sleep    0:04  0.05% fvwm1
  154 root      27  58    0 6848K 4728K sleep    1:34  0.05% nscd
12040 yph        1  58    0 3680K  648K sleep    0:00  0.05% xterm
14691 javlopez  11   0    0   33M 4280K sleep    0:17  0.04% java
  140 root       1  59  -12 2280K 1552K sleep    0:00  0.04% xntpd


Authentic Personal message at 17:17:28 on Tue May 30 2000
From: Lilly Christine Irani <lilly> on elaine13.Stanford.EDU
To: yph@IR.STANFORD.EDU

sorry about that. i'm grading programs and this person had a really
inefficient algorithm.
- top output, and lilly's response to my query as to what she was doing that needed that much memory (appropriate line highlighted)
(Note: lilly was grading for 106B!)

"I was talking about fucking oranges!"

- mfk, returning from a Box run, 12:25 AM 30 May 2000

Authentic Personal message at 17:32:27 on Fri May 26 2000
From: Wallace Huang <whuang> on epic17.Stanford.EDU
To: yph@IR.STANFORD.EDU

make love
make: *** No rule to make target 'love'.  Stop.


Authentic Personal message at 17:33:34 on Fri May 26 2000
From: Wallace Huang <whuang> on epic17.Stanford.EDU
To: yph@IR.STANFORD.EDU

what, you haven't seen that before?  It's just like free(NelsonMandella).

Authentic Personal message at 21:17:47 on Wed May 17 2000
From: gregory hutchins <gmh> on elaine38.Stanford.EDU
To: yph@IR.STANFORD.EDU

1e-6 seemed really small.  1e-3 still seemed small, but not really
small.


Authentic Personal message at 21:18:46 on Wed May 17 2000
From: gregory hutchins <gmh> on elaine38.Stanford.EDU
To: yph@IR.STANFORD.EDU

yes.  i pulled that number out of my ass. (but i assume that
the person writing it pulled 1e-6 out of their ass as well.  my ass is 
better.

Authentic Personal message at 03:33:35 on Mon May 22 2000
From: Mike Kim <mfk> on elaine45.Stanford.EDU
To: yph@IR.STANFORD.EDU
John to Mike: "If my pieces didn't want it they wouldn't have been dressed like
that."
Mike to John: "Then stop dressing your pieces like slutty hoes."
[after the AI spanks John in a game]

lkovar (ICQ#60454092) Wrote:
Ah, but novelties aren't necessarily pleasant.  For example, it would be
a novelty if I were to live in a mosquito-infested shack in the
jew-hating heart of Alabama, making a living cleaning out
port-a-potties.  I do not feel I am missing something by not trying this
out.
- 11:35 PM, 17 April 2000

Authentic Personal message at 23:17:03 on Mon Apr 17 2000
From: gregory hutchins <gmh> on elaine6.Stanford.EDU
To: yph@IR.STANFORD.EDU

heh.  heh.    I see you've got your future planned out.  When we are all
conservatives (and old) you'll come back and extort us.   Damn
you to hell (in advance).
- re: quotefile

Authentic Personal message at 23:12:45 on Mon Apr 17 2000
From: gregory hutchins <gmh> on elaine6.Stanford.EDU
To: yph@IR.STANFORD.EDU

ahhhh.   blessed caf.   Headaches begone!

Yeah, I'm sure all the prostitutes say "I'll only turn tricks
until I'm back on my feet."  That's not the point.
- lkovar, regarding mfk selling out for "only a couple of years", 10:53 PM, 17 April 2000

Authentic Personal message at 04:57:57 on Mon Apr 17 2000
From: Dawson R Engler <engler> on cardinal0.Stanford.EDU
To: yph@IR.STANFORD.EDU

fuck that!  i don't want to convince you --- i want to keep all the happiness
for myself.  i can sit in my room counting it.  i tell you, if you can
count all your happiness you don't have a billion dollars.

Date: Sun, 19 Mar 2000 16:32:22 -0800 (PST)
From whuang@Stanford.EDU Sun Mar 19 16:32:23 2000
From: Wallace Huang <whuang@Stanford.EDU>
To: Dawson Engler <engler@csl.Stanford.EDU>, Yu Ping Hu <yph@Stanford.EDU>
Subject: Re: stats

Imagine my shock when I saw this command prompt.  :)

-w

        
     --==>  WELCOME TO EMBOS  <==--

                           \_
                        __/o \_
                        \____  \   <--- Our operating system
              RROOOWWWRR!!  /   \
                 /         //\   \
   Your        |\    _,,,-//,,\   \_/
 mission --->  /O`.-'`'    -.  \  |,_
 critical     |O4-  ) )-,_..;\ (\ |'-'
   apps      '---''(_/--'  `-'\_)||


Date: Thu, 2 Mar 2000 18:06:44 -0800 (PST)
From: gregory hutchins <gmh@Stanford.EDU>
To: yph@CS.Stanford.EDU
Subject: Re: where the fuck are you?

>
> Dude,
>
> Wallace and I are in Sweet... billyh might be interested in dinner
> soon. Where are you?

        I have oft wondered that very same question.  Where am I?  Who the fuck
knows.

Authentic Personal message at 20:26:52 on Wed Feb  9 2000
From: gregory hutchins <gmh> on epic5.Stanford.EDU
To: yph@IR.STANFORD.EDU

Would you believe that i was the "wild one" in one group of my provo
friends?

Authentic Personal message at 20:08:17 on Wed Feb  9 2000
From: gregory hutchins  on epic5.Stanford.EDU
To: yph@IR.STANFORD.EDU

drugs.

Authentic Personal message at 20:13:26 on Wed Feb  9 2000
From: gregory hutchins  on epic5.Stanford.EDU
To: yph@IR.STANFORD.EDU

well, you are from new york city.  Isn't that what all the young
kids do there?
- Suggestions for yph's summer plans

Authentic Personal message at 02:24:06 on Wed Feb  2 2000
From: Dawson R Engler <engler> on tree0.Stanford.EDU
To: yph@IR.STANFORD.EDU

btw, where are all these hot femmes that are my age?  if the world has
one shortage, it seems to be hot babes, my adge or otherwise.

Authentic Personal message at 01:29:08 on Wed Feb  2 2000
From: gregory hutchins <gmh> on epic5.Stanford.EDU
To: yph@IR.STANFORD.EDU

hopefully tomorrow (today morning) we launch the multi-million dollar
aerospace picosats and get them pigfuckers off our backs.

Authentic Personal message at 01:29:26 on Wed Feb  2 2000
From: gregory hutchins <gmh> on epic5.Stanford.EDU
To: yph@IR.STANFORD.EDU

well, to be honest, only the boss fucks pigs.  The other 50 of em
are ok.

Authentic Personal message at 00:07:13 on Sat Jan 29 2000
From: gregory hutchins <gmh> on myth6.Stanford.EDU
To: yph@IR.STANFORD.EDU

do you realize that you may have put the whole of humanity at risk.

... and don't tell me i'm overreacting.

Authentic Personal message at 11:55:40 on Tue Nov 30 1999
From: gregory hutchins <gmh> on myth6.Stanford.EDU
To: yph@IR.STANFORD.EDU

not really.  kind of funny.

(oh,  and your draw group is the most fucked up group of people i have
ever met.)

Authentic Personal message at 11:55:47 on Tue Nov 30 1999
From: gregory hutchins <gmh> on myth6.Stanford.EDU
To: yph@IR.STANFORD.EDU

in a nice way

Authentic Personal message at 15:10:18 on Fri Nov 19 1999
From: gregory hutchins <gmh> on myth6.Stanford.EDU
To: yph@IR.STANFORD.EDU

sure.  send me email.   Do we get to cut one of the first years in .35 & .65
parts?  Please.
- re: 140 TAs for winter.

Authentic Personal message at 17:22:03 on Tue Sep  7 1999
From: gregory hutchins <gmh> on myth6.Stanford.EDU
To: yph@IR.STANFORD.EDU

do pigs fly?

Authentic Personal message at 17:22:22 on Tue Sep  7 1999
From: gregory hutchins <gmh> on myth6.Stanford.EDU
To: yph@IR.STANFORD.EDU

does a wild pope shit in the woods.

Authentic Personal message at 17:22:32 on Tue Sep  7 1999
From: gregory hutchins <gmh> on myth6.Stanford.EDU
To: yph@IR.STANFORD.EDU

is a bears ass watertight?

Authentic Personal message at 17:23:05 on Tue Sep  7 1999
From: gregory hutchins <gmh> on myth6.Stanford.EDU
To: yph@IR.STANFORD.EDU

um yeah.  i should be logged on.

Authentic Personal message at 14:46:28 on Tue Jul 20 1999
From: Matthew Todd Franklin <startled> on elaine36.Stanford.EDU
To: yph@IR.STANFORD.EDU

in the short and long run, i want to have lots of fun, sex, money, and
power, i think.  but those are just tentative goals.

"I'll be sure to keep those guys out of my butt."

- Dave Fair, ~2:30PM, 12 Jun 99 

Authentic Personal message at 03:12:07 on Mon May 17 1999
From: Lucas Kovar <lkovar> on myth7.Stanford.EDU
To: yph@IR.STANFORD.EDU

Emil needs to put his crack pipe away before he sets off the smoke detectors.

"He doesn't know that I'm the natural playboy."
"Dude, you're a twelve year old girl."

- Wiesen and yph, 1:15AM, 7 May 1999 

Authentic Personal message at 22:57:04 on Mon Mar 15 1999
From: gregory hutchins <gmh> on myth2.Stanford.EDU
To: yph@IR.STANFORD.EDU

it sucked.  (hmmm. really hope that i didn't fail.   a distinct
possibility.

hmmmm.  i guess that one "f" will just make the rest of my grades look
much better.  Mom, dad, i didn't fail a class, i just added much needed
contrast to my transcript.

"... we should get a bonafide dinner ..."
"A modified dinner? You mean the dirty bit is set?"

- yph, with gmh and startled simultaneous response, 9:55PM, 6 Mar 1999

"If you're going to be slow, you might as well be big."

- Dawson Engler, ~10:30AM, 8 Feb 1999 

Read some evolutionary psychology books... in no way is it evolutionarily
strategic for you to spend your college years playing gun games.
- Spack, ~6PM, 31 Jan 1999

Obscenity is the crutch of inarticulate motherfuckers.
- fortune's appropriate response to yph's nachos code

Who gots the lock? I gots the lock! Yeah motherfucker!
- nachos, Winter 1999

"It goes from God, to Gerhard, to J.C., to Eric."
"Dude! Gerhard comes before Jesus Christ?"

- yph trying to explain the hierarchy to mhough 

<Yak> spack:unfortunatly Ill have to find cardboard that talks.....have to
      present my "project" when I get back....but I guess I can always duck
      tape Teddy Ruxpin to the back, doubt anyone would notice when it
      stopped talking about Literacy and stated talkin
<Yak> and started talking about hugs...
<Spack> Yak's humor again limited by the 355 char barrier
<Spack> err 255
- irc, frosh year

<Spack> I'm a TA, dipshit.
<Pookster> spack: excuse me, asshole.
<Pookster> spack: it was a logical error...
<Spack> pook: you're no fun. I don't want to play with you
        anymore.
- more childishness on irc frosh year

<Yak> spack: I rotated the keyboard 180 degress in the air, and pressed my
      face into its soft chewy center...
- irc freshman year, explaining how "morning" becomes "nade"

yph@cs.stanford.edu
Last modified: Tue Jul 1 12:16:36 PDT 2008