An abridged guide to hack poetry

First off, let's be clear about who should read this guide. This guide is for the hack poet. How can you tell if you are a hack poet? Well, do you write poetry? If yes, you're probably a hack poet. If no, it's time to start. If you answered yes but you don't think you're a hack poet, take a long look in the mirror and think hard about whether you're taking yourself too seriously. Still don't think so? I can't help you. Good luck. Don't starve.

For the rest of us, the purpose of this guide is to help you, the hack poet, write verse as quickly and easily as possible. After all, we've all got jobs, don't we?

Now then, here is the distillation of my years of experience in this very important field:

  1. Hack poetry must rhyme. Face it: rhyming is the only thing that will get your work recognized as poetry. Besides that, it's fun and it keeps you focused. Just do it.
  2. Pick a simple rhyme scheme. You're not trying to write the Raven. Enough said.
  3. Stick with your rhyme scheme. Too much of today's hack poetry is inconsistent in this regard. Consistency costs almost nothing and it makes your poem sound three to five times as good as it actually is.
  4. There is no greater time sink than the planned poem. Leave planning to the professionals. Remember, there is no deep message you are trying to communicate through your poetry. If you start out with some message or plan in mind you will forced to ignore most of the delightful, surprising, serendipitous ideas that come your way. Who sends them your way? It's called a muse. Use it.
  5. Hack poetry is best written when you are supposed to be doing something else.
I hope that these tips wills serve you as well as they have served me. For those who question my credentials as a hack poet, I encourage you to peruse some of my past work.

Email: tdillon@cs.stanford.edu