Everything I ever needed to know
I learned from watching Babylon 5.
Don't argue with superior beings. Don't shoot people: The paperwork is a
pain in the butt. Know what you want in case somebody asks. Know all the
laws and read the fine print. No one is precisely what they appear to be.
"Why not" is a perfectly good reason. Go to the bathroom before you leave.
Bend the rules, but don't break them. The power of one mind can change the
universe. If you're making an encounter suit, design it so you can get into
it quickly. Share your second favorite thing in the universe with a friend.
Look forward to the day when you have cleansed the universe of your enemy
and carved their bones into flutes for your children to play. Half a dream
is better than none. If you offer someone a body part to slit, make certain
it doesn't have a major artery. Never hand someone a gun unless you're sure
where they'll point it. The best way to understand someone is to fight him,
make him angry, that's when you see the real person. Of all things in life,
females are the finest. Know all there is to know about your station. Find
something worth living for instead of something worth dying for. Grab any
chance you can get to take out a ship. When you become obsessed with the
enemy, you become the enemy. When the avalanche has already started, it is
too late for the pebbles to vote. Retribution in inevitable. Nobody is pure.
At the year's end, count how many people have survived and celebrate your
good fortune. If your dinner crawls off your plate, put it back and tell it
to stay put. Some things we are not ready for. All beings are defined by
their capacity and need for love. Ignore the propaganda, focus on what you
see. Wear loose shoes and remember how to dance. A herring is just a herring,
but a good cigar is a Cuban. Stay away from airlocks. Don't argue if it's
kosher, just eat it. Sometimes the act of searching is more important than
what you're searching for. Talk softly and carry a big stick. A stroke of
the brush does not guarantee art from the bristles. One of these days...
BOOM!. Don't believe everything you see and hear, escpecially the promos
for next week. Properly used two meter long genitals can beat four aces.
Don't assume anything is just decoration. The universe runs through the
complex interweaving of energy, matter, and enlightened self interest.
Fasten, then zip. Make sure your enemies know pain and know fear before they
die. Collect reflection, surprise, and terror for the future. Don't touch
yourself. Some things one must do alone. The universe holds many wonders: Be
terrified and relieved that we have not explained everything yet.
Understanding is a three edged sword. Make love, not treaties. Always have
your people watching their people. The longer a terrible secret is held, the
more painful it is to reveal it. Wash your hands after going to the bathroom
or playing cards. The Hokey Pokey really doesn't mean anything. Some things
are better left buried. The last thing you need is a corporate lawsuit. You
can learn whatever you like. What we hold sacred gives our lives meaning.
What makes us human is that we care, and because we care, we never stop
trying. It can't be that bad. Don't take demands: consider requests. Have a
nice day. We create the future with our words, with our thoughts, with our
deeds, and with our beliefs. If you don't understand the song, then listen to
the music.
All of this is for nothing unless we go to the stars.
-Thomas
tfoote@vlsi39.gsfc.nasa.gov Thomas Foote
HTMLization by Christian Mogensen