MARITAL RELATIONS IN ISLAM (Copyright Free) Hussein Khalid Al-Hussein, Ph.D. Marriage in Islam Introduction The Qur'an and Hadith address the family structure in Islam in great detail covering all aspects of family life. Marriage, divorce, inheritance, provision, rights and duties, and marital relationships in Islam are the main issues that are covered in the parts of the Qur'an and Hadith addressing the family structure in Islam. The family is the main cell in the society, and its structure affects the structure of the whole society. This is why Islam paid so much attention to protecting and taking care of the family. Islam has established rules that govern relationships between different families, as well as guidelines for relationships between members of the same family. Islam does not allow people to give way to bodily desires or to be dominated, controlled, or enslaved by them. If everyone became a slave to his passions, life would run in the wrong direction, and humans would become like animals. Humanity aims at development and improvement; it can never achieve such aims as long as it is dominated by unruly passions which exhaust all one's energy and lead downward to animalism. Islam prevents people from descending to the level of animalism. Islam, however, does not advocate repression or support the belief that such passions are dirty in themselves. This would drive people to abstain from even entertaining such feelings in the name of purification and elevation. Muslims are strongly encouraged to get married. Marriage provides Muslims with the comfort and tranquility that help them become better believers and also raise a new generation of believers. In its treatment of the human soul, Islam recognizes, in principle, all the natural emotions and does not repress them into the unconscious; it permits the practical performance of such instinctive acts, allowing a reasonable degree of pleasure, without causing any harm or injury to the individual or the community. Al-`Alaqat Al-Mubahah (Allowed Relationships) Islam shows, quite clearly in the Qur'an and the Hadith that all intimacies outside the legal marriage are prohibited. Among the prohibited acts are adultery, fornication, homosexual acts, incest, child molestation, sodomy with animals, and masturbation. In many places in the Qur'an, Allah warns those who transgress and seek such unlawful ways. Masturbation is prohibited according to most Muslim scholars, but is allowed according to some scholars when it saves the person from falling into adultery or fornication. The rule of taking the less harmful choice when one has to choose between two harmful things applies here. When a person is under the control of the bodily desire to an extent that would lead to adultery or fornication, masturbation is the less harmful choice. However, one should not exceed the limits and make masturbation a habit, since it is harmful both physically and psychologically. For those who are interested in the opinions of the major four schools of law in Islam about masturbation, I will briefly mention them here. It is prohibited all the time according to the Maliki and Shafi`i Mazhabs. It is generally prohibited according to the Hanafi and Hanbali Mazhabs, unless one fears adultery or fornication, or is under the desire pressure, in which case, it is permissible to seek a relief through masturbation. Temporary marriage (Mut`ah), in which the period of marriage is specified at the time of performing marriage, is prohibited in Islam. Allah (s.w.t.) said: {{And who guard their modesty. Save from their wives or whom their right hands possess, for they are not blameworthy. But those who crave beyond that are transgressors.}} [Al-Qur'an: Al-Mu'minun (23:5-7) and Al-Ma`arij (70:29-31)]. Al-Hishmah (Decency and Modesty) Islam introduced many laws of decency to protect Muslims from unlawful relationships. Muslim men and women are told to lower their gaze avoiding temptation that could lead them into unlawful relationships. Allah (s.w.t.) said: {{Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and to be modest. That is purer for them. Lo! Allah is aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest, and to display of their adornment only that which is apparent, and to draw their veils over their bosoms, and not to reveal their adornment save to their own husbands or fathers or husbands' fathers, or their sons or their husbands' sons, or their brothers, or their brothers' sons or sisters' sons, or whom their right hands possess, or male attendants who lack vigor, or children who know naught of women's nakedness. And let them not stamp their feet so as to reveal what they hide of their adornment. And turn unto Allah together, O believers, in order that you may succeed.}} [Al-Qur'an: An-Noor (24:30-31)]. Muslim men and women are also ordered to dress decently when going out in public or when with other people. Women can wear any fashion and any color as long as it is not transparent, tempting, or tight, and as long as it covers their bodies except the hands and the face. This applies only in public and in the presence of foreign men. Muslim women are also told by the Prophet (s.a.w.) to refrain from using makeup or perfume in the presence of foreign men if the smell reaches the men. When Muslim men are in public or in the presence of foreign women, they are required to cover themselves at least from the knees to the navel, wearing clothes which are not tight or transparent. Islam also prohibits any man from being in complete privacy or touching a woman with whom he is not a Mahram . A Mahram is a man that a woman can never marry, like a brother or a father. A brother-in-law is not considered a Mahram in Islam since he can marry her after the death or divorce of his wife (her sister). A man can also marry his sister-in-law after the death of his brother (her husband) or after they get divorced. If the man and the woman get divorced because one of them accused the other of adultery in the court without proving it (Li`an), the man is not a Mahram here, even though he can never marry her again. Islam taught men and women how, when and where to coexist without exceeding the limits that Allah defined for us. For example, Muslim men and women go to Salah and Hajj together. These two are among the five pillars of Islam that make us Muslims. However, if we were to exceed the limits and break the laws of decency, then it would be prohibited for men and women to coexist even in these two occasions, let alone in other more informal gatherings and occasions. Islam prohibits loose and open forms of socialization between men and women, in which the above laws are not observed. Gatherings that bring about direct contact between men and women, such as dancing together, riding overcrowded buses together, and playing games together are prohibited. Ahammiyyat Az-Zawaj (Significance of Marriage) Marriage is an essential part of life, and the Qur'an stressed its importance in many places. Allah (s.w.t.) said: {{And among His signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell with them in tranquility, and He has put love and mercy between you. Indeed, in this are signs for those who reflect.}} [Al-Qur'an: Ar-Rum (30:21)]. Allah (s.w.t.) also said: {{O you people! Be careful of your duty toward your Lord, Who created you from a single soul, and from it created its mate, and from them twain scattered countless men and women. Be careful of your duty toward Allah, in Whom you claim (your rights) of one another, and toward the wombs (that bore you). Lo! Allah has been a Watcher over you.}} [Al-Qur'an: An-Nisa' (4:1)]. Marriage provides the whole society with comfort and tranquility. protecting it from adultery and fornication, while providing the right environment for raising a new generation of good Muslims. Marriage is a legal and organized way for people to enjoy the love and passions given to them by Allah. Marriage strengthens the mutual relationships between the family of the bride and the family of the groom, thereby strengthening the bonds of society as a whole. The family is the basic unit in society, and for this reason, Islam introduced many rules to protect the family from anything that could disturb its peace, tranquility, and stability. The Prophet (s.a.w.) encouraged the Muslim youth to get married once they could afford it, and emphasized the importance of marriage in the lives of people when he addressed them. The prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) said: {Young men, those of you who can afford to get married should do so, for it helps you lower your gaze and preserves your chastity; but those who cannot should fast, for it is a means of cooling the sexual passion.} (Al-Bukhari). Celibacy is not a way of worshipping in Islam, as is the case in some religions. When a Muslim man considered celibacy a way of devoting his life to worshipping Allah, the Prophet (s.a.w.) rejected the idea. He told him that getting married is part of following the Sunnah of the Prophet (s.a.w.), and hence is part of practicing Islam. The companion Anas reported: {Three men came to the houses of the Prophet (s.a.w.) to inquire about his worship. When they were informed by his wives, they tended to belittle its quantity. They said to one another: How can we compare ourselves to the Prophet (s.a.w.) when Allah has forgiven him all his sins, past and future? One of them said: I shall pray all night every night, for the rest of my life. The second one said: I shall fast all day every day of my life. The third said: As for me, I shall remain celibate and never get married. When the Prophet (s.a.w.) arrived, he asked them: Are you the ones who said so and so? By Allah, I am the one who fears Allah most and worships Him most among you, yet I pray at night and sleep; I also fast on some days and do not fast on others; and I also get married. Whoever turns away from my way of life is not a follower of mine.} (Al-Bukhari and Muslim). Hukm Az-Zawaj (Marriage in Jurisprudence) Islam encourages marriage in general, but marriage can, on certain occasions become Fardh (obligatory), Mandub (recommended), Mubah (allowed), Makruh (hated), or Haram (prohibited). Marriage is obligatory (Fardh) if a person fears he/she will commit unlawful acts (i.e. adultery, fornication, or be unable to lower his/her gaze) and he can afford marriage (for men). Marriage is strongly recommended (Mandub) when a person can afford it (for men), but there is not a fear of committing unlawful acts caused by not getting married. Marriage can be prohibited (Haram) if the person knows with certainty that he/she will not be able to fulfill his/her biological or physical obligations, or when the man cannot fulfill his financial duties toward marriage. It is also prohibited when the woman is prohibited to the man for any reason. Marriage is hated (Makruh) when the man does not fulfill some of his main duties toward his wife and she does not feel harmed or complain that he has not fulfilled all of his duties. This can happen if the wife is rich and does not require him to spend on her, or if she does not have a strong desire for intercourse. Marriage is also hated when there is a great possibility that they cannot fulfill their duties toward Allah. This may be the case with marrying a certain person, but may not be the case when one seeks a different person to marry. Marrying a certain person is also hated when there is a great possibility that the children will not be raised as good Muslims. Marriage is allowed (Mubah) in all other cases. Al-Khitbah (Engagement) Islam recommends that a man see and talk to the woman he wants to marry, but in the presence of her Mahrams. The Prophet (s.a.w.) told his companion Al-Mughirah Ibn Shu`bah to see the woman he wanted to marry, so that they may develop feelings toward each other. However, engagement to a woman does not give a man permission to do more than see her and talk to her in a safe Islamic environment; the laws of decency in Islam must be strictly followed. Current practices in which a man is alone with the woman he wants to marry or touches her are against Islam. They are a result of not understanding Islam, and mixing Islam with foreign traditions. The man and the woman should know that they are not allowed at all to do such things before the marriage covenant is signed. A Muslim man may not propose to an engaged woman before her first fiance withdraws or gives him permission. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said: {A man must not propose to his brother's fiancee unless he withdraws or gives him permission.} (Al-Bukhari). A Muslim man may not ask a woman who is already married to another man to divorce that man and marry him. The marriage contract may not be concluded when the woman is in her `Iddah (the period that follows divorce). The length of `Iddah is three menstruation periods, three months if the woman does not have a period, until the woman gives birth if she is pregnant, or four months and ten days if she is a widow, unless she is pregnant, in which case it will be until she gives birth. In the case of Al-Khul`, it is one menstruation period (or one month) to make sure that she is not pregnant. There is no `Iddah if the man marries a woman and then divorces her before having an intercourse with her. `Aqd Az-Zawaj (Marriage Contract) Marriage in Islam is a civil contract based on offer and acceptance, and on witnesses. It can be performed anywhere, and does not need to take place in the mosque or with a certain scholar. The Muslim man, however, is not allowed to have a Christian religious wedding service. The contract does not have to be written; the practice of writing down the marriage contract was adopted later on, and has proven to be beneficial, preserving and proving the conditions of the marriage. These are the conditions of the Islamic marriage: Wali Al-Amr (Guardian): This is the male relative who is the woman's guardian, usually her father. If the woman's father is not present or available, another relative like a brother, uncle, or grandfather can be the Wali. If none of these relations is available, the Muslim ruler or the Muslim judge can be the Wali. If this is not possible, a prominent or trustworthy member of the Muslim community can be the Wali. Imam Abu Hanifah and Al-Qadhi Abu Yusuf did not require the Wali but according to them it is recommended that the bride be represented by her own Wali. Al-Ijab wal-Qubul (Offer and Acceptance): This refers to the offer and acceptance between the two sides. The offer is made by the Wali of the bride, and the acceptance by the groom in the same sitting. Both of them should be explicit in stating the word marriage or any of its explicit synonyms. Some of the Arabic words used are Nikah and Zawaj. The Bride's Agreement: When the Wali asks the bride to marry the man, she must say yes or no to the offer if she has been married before. If she has not been married before, her silence indicates her acceptance; she may be too shy to say that she accepts. If she does not want to accept, she must say no. Ash-Shuhud (Witnesses): At least two good Muslim male witnesses or one good Muslim male witness and two good Muslim female witnesses are required to witness the agreement. All must have reached the age of puberty. A good Muslim witness is someone who is known to have good conduct, and who has not been known to commit great sins For example, a drunkard or a slanderer are not acceptable. Al-Mahr or As-Sadaq: This is the bride's marriage portion paid to her by the groom. It represents his commitment to take care of all the family expenses, including her personal expenses. It should be specified and any value is acceptable. Islam recommends that the requested amount of Mahr or Sadaq be as small as possible so as not to discourage men from getting married. When marriage becomes a burden, society is harmed. The Mahr or Sadaq may be paid in total at the time of the agreement or before the agreement. Part or all of it may also be postponed to a definite or indefinite future date. The indefinitely postponed Mahr or Sadaq becomes due upon divorce or death. Walimah (Wedding-Feast) Walimah is a food reception which follows the consummation of the marriage, to make it public. It is offered by the parents of the married couple, by their friends, or by the newly married couple themselves. Friends, relatives, and neighbors are usually invited. The companion Anas reported that: {The Prophet (s.a.w.) saw a trace of yellow on `Abd Ar-Rahman Ibn `Awf, and asked: What is this? He answered: I got married. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said: May Allah make it a blessing for you. Make a Walimah, even with only a sheep.} (Al-Bukhari, Muslim, At-Tirmizi, Abu Dawood, and Malik). Announcing the marriage is a Sunnah of the Prophet (s.a.w.). `A'ishah reported that the Prophet (s.a.w.) said: {Announce this marriage and make it in mosques, and play with tambourines in its celebration.} (At-Tirmizi). Since marriage is such a joyful event for the whole Muslim neighborhood, playing the tambourines and having some decent and allowed singing are recommended during the celebration. `A'ishah reported: {We accomplished a woman to her wedding with a man from Al-Ansar. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said: `A'ishah, won't you have some entertainment? Al-Ansar like entertainment.} (Al-Bukhari). The marriage celebrations, however, should not violate any Islamic law, and the word entertainment in the above Hadith, should not be misinterpreted. People who attend the celebrations should not mix in any un-Islamic way. Both men and women should wear proper Islamic dress during the celebrations, and the songs they sing should not contain any obscene words or words that violate the Islamic code of decency and manners. Islamic standards must be upheld regardless of what occasion one is participating in. Some people have begun practicing traditions which are completely against Islamic teachings. The tradition of bringing a musical band and female dancer to dance before the men is prohibited in Islam. Another un-Islamic tradition is the use of a gold ring by the groom; this was prohibited by the Prophet (s.a.w.). Silver rings are allowed for men and women, while wearing gold ornament is allowed for women only. The tradition of trading rings is borrowed from other societies, and Muslims are told not to imitate non-Muslims in such traditions. A groom should not feel obligated to have an extravagant marriage celebration, as this is a financial burden which could leave him in debt for years to follow. This could in turn discourage men from getting married. Marriage is an occasion for presenting the new family with gifts by relatives and friends. Gifts that are given with sincerity and consent strengthen the love between people. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said: {Exchange gifts, strengthen your love of one another.} (At-Tirmizi). One should always keep in mind the real reason behind giving gifts - to strengthen the mutual relationships between people. Therefore, gifts should be affordable and given to others voluntarily. Unfortunately, most people have forgotten this and the gifts have become burdens on those who give them; this weakens relationships between people instead of strengthening them. People today write down what others have given them and the prices of such presents and then feel obligated to buy that person a gift equal in value. This is completely un-Islamic, and it does not follow the teachings of the Prophet (s.a.w.). People vary in their social positions and have different financial statuses, and feeling obligated to buy a gift equal to that presented would soon end close relationships between people of different economic backgrounds. This will in turn build social barriers. Congratulations are offered to the bride by the women around her and by her relatives and friends; the groom is congratulated by other men. The best of congratulations is that reported by Abu Hurairah that the Prophet (s.a.w.) said to people who got married: {May Allah make it a blessing for you and a blessing to you, and bring you together with all that is good.} (At-Tirmizi, Abu Dawood, and Al-Hakim). Al-Huquq wal-Wajibat (Rights and Duties) The rights and duties of the husband and the wife may be classified into three categories: mutual rights, rights of the wife on her husband, and rights of the husband on his wife. Mutual Rights Kindness and tenderness toward each other. Intercourse and enjoyment of each other. Inheritance rights as detailed in Shari`ah. Prohibition of marriage between in-laws, as explained consequently in this booklet. The confirmation of fatherhood by the husband to children born by his wife. Rights of the Wife Sadaq: Mahr or Sadaq is the right of the wife on her husband. It must be paid in accordance with the agreement in the marriage contract. If the contract did not have a clause about the Mahr, the wife has the right to a Mahr which is equal to that of other women who are considered equivalent to her in social status. Living and Household Expenses: The wife has the right to be provided all her living needs, including housing, clothing, food, etc. The husband is required to provide his wife and children with all of their needs, however, he is not required to provide any of the expenses of her children from previous marriages unless it was a condition in the marriage contract. Household spending should be in accordance with the financial capacity of the husband. Allah (s.w.t.) said: {{The duty of feeding and clothing nursing mothers in a seemly manner is upon the father of the child.}} [Al-Qur'an: Al-Baqarah (2:233)]. Allah (s.w.t.) also said: {{Lodge them (the women) where you dwell, according to your wealth, and harass them not so as to restrain life for them. And if they are pregnant, then spend for them till they give birth. Then, if they breast-feed them for you, give them their due payment and consult together in kindness; but if you make difficulties for one another, then let some other woman breast-feed for him (the father of the child). Let him who has abundance spend of his abundance, and he whose provision is measured, let him spend of that which Allah has given him. Allah asks naught of any soul save which that He has given it. Allah will vouchsafe, after hardship, ease.}} [Al-Qur'an: At-Talaq (65:6-7)]. Kindness and Good Treatment: The wife has the right of kindenss and good treatment from her husband. Allah (s.w.t.) said: {{and treat them with kindness.}} [Al-Qur'an: An-Nisa' (4:19)]. A'ishah and Ibn `Abbas reported that the Prophet (s.a.w.) said: {The best among you is that who is best to his family (wife), and I am the best of you to my family.} (Ibn Majah and Ibn Habban). Protection: The husband must provide protection to his wife against anyone who threatens her chastity, humiliates her, or seeks to defame her. Sa`d Ibn `Obadah said: {"If I saw a man with my wife, I would hit him with my sword." Then the Prophet (s.a.w.) said: "Are you surprised from the Ghayrah of Sa`d? I have more Ghayrah than he does, and Allah has more than I do; and because of the Ghayrah of Allah, He prohibited all the concealed and revealed debaucheries.} (Al-Bukhari). The Arabic word Ghayrah is sometimes translated as jealousy or watchfulness, however, it does not mean that exactly. Jealousy in English implies fear of loss of affection, and has thus acquired a bad connotation in non-Muslim English speaking societies. Ghayrah in Arabic implies hating wrong, unlawful things to happen. This is why the same word can be used to express Allah's feelings, as well as Muslims' feelings toward prohibited things. Allah hates when people exceed the limits He made for them. Other Qur'anic verses and Hadiths also emphasize this right of women. Providing Sexual Satisfaction: The husband should make sure that he satisfies his wife's needs by having intercourse with her at intervals which suit her. Rights of the Husband: Providing Sexual Satisfaction: The wife should always be ready to offer her husband sexual enjoyment when and as pleases him (except of course during the prohibited times). Abu Hurairah reported that the Prophet (s.a.w.) said: {If a man calls on his wife to his bed, and she did not come so that he slept feeling angry with her, the angels keep cursing her till morning.} (Al-Bukhari, Muslim, An-Nasa'i, and Abu Dawood). Obedience: It is the duty of all members of the family to obey the head of the family, the husband, in all general affairs. This obedience is always within reasonable limits and in matters that are lawful according to the Shari`ah. The Prophet (s.a.w.) mentioned that it is a duty of the woman to obey her husband in several authentic Hadiths (see "At-Targhib wat Tarhib" by Al-Munziri). Obedience is especially referred to in going out without the husbands consent, or in receiving anyone whom he does not like to be received at his home. Reward of Provision and Raising Children Raising children is a great mission in this life and should hold a place of high priority. Spending on one's family to cover their essential needs is more rewarding than spending in any other cause. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said: {When the human being dies, his/her deeds will come to an end except three kinds: Sadaqah Jariah (continuous charity), beneficial knowledge, and a good child that will pray for him/her.} (Muslim). The Prophet (s.a.w.) also said: {A dinar (currency unit from gold) you spend in the sake of Allah, a dinar you spend to free a slave, a dinar you donate to the poor, and a dinar you spend on your family, the most rewarding among them is the dinar that you spend on your family.} (Muslim). The Prophet (s.a.w.) also said: {The best dinar a man spends is a dinar he spends on his family, a dinar he spends on his animal, and a dinar he spends on his companions in the sake of Allah.} (Muslim). Whoever offers or loses three or two children in the sake of Allah, they will protect him/her from the Hell fire, as the Prophet (s.a.w.) told us. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said: {When three children die for a Muslim the Hell fire will not touch him except for fulfilling the oath.} (Muslim). The oath fulfillment refers to the Qur'anic verse that declares that every human being will touch the Hell fire. Allah (s.w.t.) said: {{There is not one of you but shall approach it (Hell). That is a fixed ordinance from Allah. Then We shall rescue those who kept from evil, and leave the evildoers crouching in it.}} [Al-Qur'an: Maryam (19:71-72)]. Abu Sa`id Al-Khudri narrated: {A woman from Al-Ansar came to the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) and said: "The men have got all your speeches, so, make a day for us on which we come to you to teach us from what Allah taught you." He said: "Meet on such and such day". They met, and he came to them and taught them from what Allah taught him, and then said: "Every woman among you offers (in the sake of Allah) three children they will be protection for her from the Hell fire." A woman asked: "How about two?". The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) said: "And two".} (Al-Bukhari and Muslim). Raising children, especially girls, is very important in Islam. It is a good way to seek more rewards in the hereafter. Many people tend to discriminate between their sons and daughters, and tend to favor the boys. The Prophet (s.a.w.) emphasized the reward of raising daughters and showed that it is a protection from the Hell fire. Imam Al-Bukhari narrated these four Hadiths in his book Al-Adab Al-Mufrad (not to be confused with his famous book of Hadith called Sahih Al-Bukhari): The Prophet (s.a.w.) said: {Whoever had three daughters and was patient on raising them, and clothed them from his substance, they would be a protection for him from the Hell fire.} The Prophet (s.a.w.) also said: {Any Muslim has two daughters, and be a good companion to them, will enter Heaven because of them.} Jabir Ibn `Abdillah narrated: {The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) "Whoever has three daughters that he provides a dwelling for, supports, and has mercy on, Heaven is his guaranteed reward." A man asked: "How about two?". The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) said: "And two".} The Prophet (s.a.w.) said: {Whoever has three daughters or three sisters and supports them will enter Heaven.} Rights of the Infant It is recommended for the father to fulfill the following duties toward his new child: Make Azan (call for prayer) in the infant's right ear and Iqamah (call for prayer said immediately before the prayer) in his/her left ear, right after the child is born. Chew some dates or sweets and put them in the infant's mouth, and rub his/her mouth and palate with them to train him/her to eat. This is called Tahnik (dental palate). Clean the infant's body, and shave his/her head. It is also recommended that you donate to the poor an amount of silver equivalent to the weight of the shaved hair. Give the infant a good name. The Prophet (s.a.w) had changed the bad names of some people to better ones. If the infant is a boy he must be circumcised. This is called Khitan. It is recommended for this circumcision to take place on the seventh day of his birth. If this is not possible, any other time is fine. On the seventh day after the infant's birth, slaughter two lambs if the infant is a boy, or one lamb if the infant is a girl. One lamb is also acceptable whether the infant is a boy or a girl but the first opinion is stronger in Sunnah. This is called `Aqiqah, and its conditions are similar to those of the Audhhiah. Some of the uncooked meat can be distributed, or it can be cooked and shared with other people at a meal. The family of the infant can also keep some of the meat. If it is difficult or a hardship to do the slaughtering on the seventh day, it is recommended that it be done on the fourteenth day. If this is not possible, then on the twenty-first day. Otherwise, any day after the birth of the infant is acceptable. Az-Zawaj Al-Muharram (Prohibited Marriage) A Muslim man can only marry unmarried chaste Muslim, Christian, or Jewish women who are not among those listed in the Qur'anic verses below. A Muslim woman can only marry chaste Muslim men who are not close relatives. The following Qur'anic verses list the women that a man cannot marry: Allah (s.w.t.) said: {{And do not marry those women whom your fathers married, except what had happened in the past (before Islam). Lo! it was ever lewdness and abomination, and an evil way. Forbidden to you are your mothers, and your daughters, and your sisters, and your father's sisters, and your brother's daughters, and your sister's daughters, and your foster mothers, and your foster sisters, and your mothers-in-law, and your stepdaughters who are under your protection (born) of your women unto whom you have gone in - but if you have not gone in unto them, then it is no sin for you (to marry their daughters) - and the wives of your sons who (spring) from your own loins. And (it is forbidden unto you) that you should have two sisters together, except what had already happened (of that nature) in the past (before Islam). Lo! Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful. And all married women (are forbidden) unto you save those whom your right hand possess. It is a decree of Allah for you. Lawful unto you are all beyond those mentioned, so that you seek them with your wealth in honest wedlock, not debauchery. And those of whom you seek content (by marrying them), give unto them their portions as a duty. And there is no sin for you in what you do by mutual agreement after the duty (has been done). Lo! Allah is ever Knower, Wise.}} [Al-Qur'an: An-Nisa' (4:23-24)]. Allah (s.w.t.) said: {{This day are (all) good things made lawful for you. The food of those who have received the Scripture is lawful for you, and your food is lawful for them. And so are the virtuous women of the believers and the virtuous women of those who have received the Scripture before you (lawful for you) when you give them their marriage portions and live with them in honor, not in fornication, nor taking them as secret concubines. Whoso denies the faith, his work is vain and he will be among the losers in the Hereafter.}} [Al-Qur'an: Al-Ma'idah (5:5)]. A foster sister is one who was breast-fed from the same mother. Foster mothers are those who breast-fed a foster daughter or son. This means that a person breast-fed from a woman who is not his/her mother cannot marry his/her foster relatives; they become forbidden as if they were direct blood relatives. For example, a foster sister or aunt cannot marry a foster brother or uncle. However, brothers and sisters of the person who was breast-fed from a foster woman can still marry his/her siblings foster relatives. The above verses show that one is not allowed to marry a woman and her sister, and the Hadith below shows that a man cannot marry a woman and her father's or mother's sister (aunt). Abu Hurairah reported: {The Prophet (s.a.w.) prohibited that a man be married at the same time to a woman and the sister of either her father or her mother.} (Al-Bukhari, Muslim, Abu Dawood, At-Tirmizi, An-Nasa'i, and Malik). It is also important to mention here that marrying first cousins is allowed in Islam, since in some non-Muslim societies, this is not allowed. A man may not marry a woman whom he had divorced three times, unless she marries another man (for the purpose of marriage) and divorces him for a good reason (not for remarrying the former husband). Allah knows well their intentions; it would be adultery if the originally divorced couple tried to go around the laws of Allah by marrying and divorcing in order to marry the first husband again. This is explained in the divorce section in this document. A man may not marry a former wife if they had gone through the process of Al-Li`an (double testimony concerning accusation of adultery between them), as explained in the section of Al-Li`an in this document. In addition, a woman may not marry a non-Muslim man, or a Muslim man to whom she is related by one of the relationships mentioned in the above Qur'anic verses and Hadiths. A Muslim woman may not also marry a non-Muslim man. Interfaith Marriages Muslim men and women are told to seek faithful spouses with a strong, good belief, and not allow non-Muslim standards of selection influence them. Muslim men can marry only Muslim, Christian, or Jewish chaste women, while Muslim women can marry only chaste Muslim men. Allah (s.w.t.) said: {{This day are (all) good things made lawful for you. The food of those who have received the Scripture is lawful for you, and your food is lawful for them. And so are the virtuous women of the believers and the virtuous women of those who have received the Scripture before you (lawful for you) when you give them their marriage portions and live with them in honor, not in fornication, nor taking them as secret concubines. Whoso denies the faith, his work is vain and he will be among the losers in the Hereafter.}} [Al-Qur'an: Al-Ma'idah (5:5)]. A Muslim man is discouraged from marrying a non-Muslim woman if there is no Islamic State or if he is not living in an existing Islamic state, since the non-Islamic states do not recognize his rights as head of the family to raise the children Islamically. On the contrary, the children will most likely be brought up in their mother's religion, since the Muslim husband does not have his Islamic rights in his non-Muslim wife's country. There are many tragic examples of Muslim men who tried to take their children to their Muslim countries after they divorced non-Muslim wives. The women in many of these cases succeeded in bringing the children back to be raised in the non-Islamic societies as non-Muslims. The fathers are referred to as kidnappers (of their own children) in the non-Islamic media. Unfortunately, even the governments in Muslim countries these days help the non-Muslim wives to get custody of the children. This is due to the absence of an Islamic state which would protect Muslim children from being kidnapped by non-Muslim wives to be raised as non-Muslims. Muslim men should consider these issues before they marry non-Muslim women, especially when the man is strongly influenced by her physical appearance. A Muslim man should look to the future and consider his duties toward his children. The cases mentioned show clearly the damage that can be done to children in interfaith marriages, and while a personal sin may be easy to forget and repent from, one may never overcome the problems that arise because his children were raised as non-Muslims as a result of his negligence concerning providing the right spouse and community for them. Children have the right to be brought up in an Islamic environment by good Muslim parents. The benefits of marrying a non-Muslim woman are minimal when both live in a non-Islamic state. The woman and her relatives would not see how Muslims live as a community, nor would they have close contact with family, should the Muslim man decide to marry her and live outside the Islamic State. Marrying a chaste Christian or Jewish woman in a non-Islamic state should be considered as a last resort and as the only alternative to keep him from falling into adultery. Men, however, should be aware of the fact that most women in non-Islamic societies do not qualify as chaste women in Islam, (i.e. abstention from unlawful sexual activities). Some Muslim men ignore these conditions and ignore the commands of Allah when they are misled and fooled by a smile from a non-Muslim woman. Abdullah Ibn `Abbas, a famous companion of the Prophet (s.a.w.) and a famous scholar, said that Muslim men should not marry Christian or Jewish women from people who are enemies of Islam. Dr. Yusuf Al-Qaradhawi, a contemporary Muslim scholar, said that the Christian or Jewish women can be married only if the four conditions summarized below are satisfied: She must be Kitabiyyah, i.e. Christian or Jewish by faith, and not by virtue of birth into a Christian or Jewish family. Many women who live in Christian or Jewish societies today are atheists, Buddhists or Bahai's. These women are prohibited for Muslim men. A woman who commits apostasy, by becoming a non-Muslim after being a Muslim, would not be allowed to marry a Muslim man, since apostasy is much worse than unbelief. She must be Muhsanah, which means chaste and virtuous. Women who are involved in illicit relationships with men are prohibited for Muslim men. Most non-Muslim women these days do not qualify as Muhsanat (chaste and virtuous women who abstain from sexual activities outside marriage), and Muslim men should fear Allah and keep this condition in mind. The woman should not be from people who are fighting Islam or are helping others to fight Islam. Since Israel is at war with Islam, all Jews around the world are helping Israel, Muslim men should not marry Jewish women is she is from people who help Israel. There should be no threat or possible harm from marrying her. For example, if a man's children would not be raised as Muslims, he should not marry her. If the courts in a non-Islamic society would give the children to her in the case of divorce, then he cannot marry her, unless she agrees that he would have the children in the case of divorce. Dr. Yusuf Al-Qaradhawi also said that Muslim men may not marry Christian or Jewish women if the Muslim community is a small minority in a huge non-Muslim society, and such marriages would make it impossible for Muslim women to find Muslim men to marry. This is classified under "limiting the allowed" in the Islamic jurisprudence. Dr. Yusuf Al-Qaradhawi used the example that if all people grew cotton instead of wheat, the government would have the right to stop them from doing so, since wheat is a necessary food ingredient, even though growing cotton is allowed in normal cases. Non-Muslim women who repent and accept Islam are treated as any other Muslim if their acceptance of Islam is sincere and not merely for the purpose of marrying Muslim men. Islam forgives all that was before it. Some people, however, accept Islam by name only to marry a Muslim, without showing the least change in their lifestyles to prove that they are following Islam. One should not marry from such people. There are many Muslim girls of a marriageable age who are living in non-Islamic countries, and it is the duty of the Muslim men to protect these girls from marrying non-Muslim men, which is absolutely prohibited in Islam. If Muslim men loosely practice their right to marry Christian or Jewish women, the Muslims girls in non-Islamic societies will be forced into unwanted circumstances and Muslim men will be at least partially responsible and will get their share of the punishment from Allah. In considering marriage to a non-Muslim woman a man should remember that marriage is more than the private marital relationship. A good Muslim woman would provide her husband with total security, comfort, trust, tranquility, and happiness, and would raise the children as good Muslims. A man would not have to see his children taken to a church every Sunday without being able to prevent it or live with the concern that his wife would teach his children un-Islamic traditions. It is much easier to trust a Muslim woman than to trust a non-Muslim woman who does not fear Allah, and know that He is watching her all the time. And certainly a woman who does not fear Allah, who sees and knows everything, will not fear or obey her husband who is only home in the evenings. Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) said: {A woman is chosen as a wife for her wealth, beauty, family, and faith. Win the one that has the faith or you would ruin your life.} (Al-Bukhari and Muslim). The following verses from the Qur'an beautifully give us the guidelines for selecting the right spouse: Allah (s.w.t.) said: {{Do not marry Mushrik women (idolatresses) until they believe; a slave woman who believes is better than a free woman who does not believe, even though (the idolatress) woman may appear very attractive to you. (Likewise) Do not marry (your girls) to Mushrik men (idolaters) until they believe; a slave man who believes is better than an unbeliever, even though he (the Mushrik) may attract you. These Mushriks invite you to the fire, but Allah, by His Grace, invites you to His Jannah (Heaven), and forgives by His leave, and (Allah) makes clear His messages to people so that they might bear them into mind.}} [Al-Qur'an: Al-Baqarah (2:221)]. Problems and Diseases Islam provides solutions for moral and social problems in an effective and successful way by prohibiting extramarital relationships. Islam always deals with the cause of the problem first, while other societies spend their time and effort dealing with the symptoms. When the leaves of a plant start dying, people water the roots not the leaves. Many problems could also be solved by this method of treatment, rather than trying to find separate solutions for separate symptoms. This is obvious from the cases of sex and drinking. Most societies that allow free sex are struggling with many social diseases related to sex outside marriage. These are some examples of social diseases provoked by free sex: Sexually transmitted diseases (S.T.D.'s). Unwanted pregnancies. Teen-age pregnancies. A high incidence of rape. A high crime rate. Abortion. A high rate of runaway children. A high rate of high school dropouts. A high divorce rate. Unhappy marriages. Problems of finding the right spouse. Absence of satisfaction between the husband and the wife. Mutual mistrust in marriage. Exploitation of women. Pornography. Psychological problems among the "illegitimate" children of adultery. A lack of decency and shyness. Broken ties within the family and loss of extended family ties. Extravagance in spending on unnecessary tempting fashions. and entertainment enumerate A major problem caused by free sex is the absence of satisfaction between the husband and the wife. Having too many partners can make it impossible to feel satisfied with one's spouse, as a person will feel that they cannot have all the good qualities they have observed in others. Society is also struggling with venereal diseases like herpes and AIDS. These kinds of sexually transmitted diseases (S.T.D.'s) have slim chances of spreading among Muslims. As the Prophet (s.a.w.) said, whenever immorality spreads among people, Allah will cause many diseases they never heard of to spread among them. Even if such cases penetrate to a Muslim family, they will be limited to the infected couple and will be easily contained. Indecent exposure and the exposure of peoples' sexual life in public can cause other people to be tempted and aroused. Since not everyone has a spouse to go to when he/she is tempted, this problem of exposure can result in a person seeking illicit sexual relief, or can cause psychological problems when ones' fantasies and imagination are repressed. These problems are not restricted to single people, as even married people are sometimes separated, (for instance while one person is traveling). The divorce rate is very low in societies where sex outside marriage is not practiced. After the sexual revolution, people started to live together before marriage, claiming that it would help them find better spouses. Statistics have proven the opposite, but people seem to have forgotten the goal and still insist on the method. For example, in the U.S.A., the divorce rate is 50%, and in California, it is 67%. This indicates that even with more people living together before marriage, finding the right spouse has become harder than ever before. Tanzim Al-Haml (Birth Control) Birth control is allowed in Islam when necessary, provided its aim is not to prohibit pregnancy indefinitely, unless permanent contraception is valid for medical reasons or other good reasons. One good reason for using contraception exists when one fears that the pregnancy or delivery might endanger the life or the health of the mother. Past experience or the opinion of a trustworthy and reliable physician determine this possibility. Another valid reason for using birth control exists when one fears that the children's health or upbringing may suffer. If a new pregnancy or a new baby might harm a previous suckling child, then one has a valid reason for using contraception. The ideal spacing between two children, from the Islamic point of view, is thirty months. If a woman wants to nurse the baby for two full years, which is the maximum period of the suckling of an infant in Islam, this spacing becomes thirty-three months. Allah (s.w.t.) said: {{And We have commended unto man kindness toward parents. His mother bore him with reluctance, and brought him forth with reluctance, and the bearing of him and the weaning of him is thirty months."}} [Al-Qur'an: Al-Ahqaf (46:15)]. Coitus interruptus (`Azl) was prescribed for a Muslim man when he asked the Prophet (s.a.w.) about how he would regulate the conception. However, this method should only be used when there is a necessity, since it deprives the woman from part of her fulfillment. It is reported that Khalifah `Omar forbade the practice of coitus interruptus without the consent of the wife. This method prescribed by the Prophet (s.a.w.) is not the only allowed method; other good and appropriate ways can be adopted as well. Nevertheless, not everything available today is allowed, since many methods imply things that are not consonant with the teachings of Islam. Only methods that go along with the Islamic teachings can be adopted. One should ask a scholar about the particular method he or she is considering before using it, to see if it is consonant with the Islamic laws and etiquette. The case, method, and necessity should be explained to the scholar, since the verdict may change from case to case and from method to method. For example, in normal cases, the woman's private parts may not be exposed to or touched by a male doctor for the sake of birth control. There is no need for birth control for unmarried people, since abstinence from sexual relationships outside marriage is mandatory. Al-Ijhadh (Abortion) Provoked abortion is prohibited in Islam, unless it is done to save the life of the mother, since the life of the "trunk" is preferred to the life of the "branch", and because choosing the lesser of two evils is a principle in Islam. Islam also prohibits infanticide. The practice of burying baby girls alive was practiced before Islam came and Islam prohibited it. Provoked abortion without good reason is a sin committed by those who perform it, mothers who accept it, and fathers who approve it or ask for it. The degree of sin increases with the life of the fetus in the womb. The scholars agree that abortion performed without reason is prohibited if the fetus is more than 120 days old. However, there are different opinions about performing it before the fetus is 120 days old. One group prohibits it just as if it were an abortion done without cause after 120 days. The other group considers it only Makruh (hated) when done without reason before the fetus is 120 days old. Dr. Yusuf Al-Qaradhawi, a contemporary Muslim scholar, said, in response to a a question about abortion just after a woman is raped, that rape is a case in which the woman has a good reason for abortion if done soon after rape, before the fetus is 120 days old. At-Tabanni (Adoption) Before Islam, the Arabs practiced adoption, naming the child after the person adopting him or her, as if the adoptive parents and the child were related by blood. Islam prohibits adoption but allows Muslims to raise children that are not theirs. Muslims can fully raise these children, look after them, and support them, but the children must be named after their real fathers. It is not a sin if a person is named after the wrong father by mistake. For some of the same reasons, Islam prohibits any method of conceiving or delivering babies other than the traditional and natural method. Artificial insemination with sperm from a man the woman is not married to, surrogate mothers, the donation of sperm or eggs, and mothers' milk banks are all prohibited. These methods produce illegitimate children. In a case when the father is not known, as with abandoned babies, the child should still not be named after the person raising him or her. In a case such as this, the children may be called brethren in Islam, or clients (Mawali). Allah (s.w.t.) said: {{Allah has not assigned unto any man two hearts within his body, nor has He made your wives who you declare (to be your mothers) your mothers, nor has He made those who you claim (to be your children) your children. This is but a saying of your mouths. But Allah says the truth and He shows the way. Proclaim their real parentage. That will be more equitable in the sight of Allah. And if you know not their fathers, then (they are) your brethren in the faith, and your clients. And there is no sin for you in the mistakes that you make unintentionally, but what your hearts purpose (that will be a sin for you). Allah is Forgiving, Merciful.}} [Al-Qur'an: Al-Ahzab (33:4-5)]. Islam, changed other pre-Islamic traditions related to this issue as well. The raised child cannot inherit from the people who raised him/her, and is not forbidden from marrying what used to be called relatives by the bond of adoption. Before adoption was prohibited, the Arabs had prohibited the man from marrying the divorcee of his adopted son. Islam prohibits a man marrying the divorcee of his son. However, in Islam, a man can marry the divorcee of the man he raised, who is not his son by blood; this is declared explicitly in the Qur'an. People would have felt uncomfortable practicing this new permission, if Allah had not selected the Prophet (s.a.w.) to demonstrate its acceptability, a very heavy duty before people, even for the Prophet (s.a.w.). Zaid Ibn Harithah was adopted by the Prophet (s.a.w.) before Islam prohibited adoption. He used to be called Zaid Ibn Muhammad (son of Muhammad) until adoption was prohibited, when he was again called after his real father. Zaid married Zainab Bint Jahsh, the cousin of the Prophet (s.a.w.). Later on, he had problems in his relationship with her. Allah (s.w.t.) inspired to the heart of the Prophet (s.a.w.) that she would get divorced and he would marry her, something that was hard for him to face other people with. Whenever Zaid complained to the Prophet (s.a.w.) that his marriage was going from bad to worse, the Prophet (s.a.w.) always told him to stay with his wife, which is a postponement of what the Prophet (s.a.w.) learned was going to happen. The Prophet (s.a.w.) would not have tried to postpone such matter had it been explicitly said to him as an order from Allah (s.w.t.) or as a revelation from Him. It was only an inspiration to his heart. He never hesitated in applying any command from Allah (s.w.t.) no matter what the issue was. Zaid eventually divorced Zainab, and neither one of them knew what Allah (s.w.t.) had inspired His Prophet (s.a.w.) to do. After the `Iddah (the waiting period of three menstruations after the divorce) of Zainab was over, the Prophet (s.a.w.) was told to marry her. He sent Zaid himself to ask Zainab to marry him. Zainab said that she would not take such a step without a revelation from Allah (s.w.t.). When she went to the Mosque the verses that commanded the Prophet (s.a.w.) to marry her were revealed, and she married the Prophet (s.a.w.). Allah (s.w.t.) said: {{And when you said unto him on whom Allah has conferred favor and you have conferred favor: Keep your wife to yourself, and fear Allah. And you did hide in your mind that which Allah was to bring to light, and you did fear people whereas Allah had a better right that you should fear Him. So when Zaid had performed the necessary formality (of divorce) from her, We gave her unto you in marriage, so that (henceforth) there may be no sin for believers in respect of wives of those they raised, when the latter have performed the necessary formality (of release) from them. The commandment of Allah must be fulfilled. There is no reproach for the Prophet in that which Allah makes his due. That was Allah's way with those who passed away of old -- and the commandment of Allah is certain destiny. -- Who delivered the messages of Allah and feared Him, and feared none save Allah. Allah keeps good account. Muhammad is not the father of any man among you, but he is the Messenger and the Seal of the Prophets; and Allah is Aware of all things.}} [Al-Qur'an: Al-Ahzab (33:37-40)]. The unbelievers and the hypocrites used this event to attack the Prophet (s.a.w.) and Islam, saying that the Prophet (s.a.w.) married the divorcee of his son. Even today, this incident is used by the unbelievers to misinform people about Islam and Muhammad (s.a.w.) These people do not realize the importance of the rule introduced by Islam through this incident. For them adoption is acceptable, and so they find these revelations difficult to grasp or accept. Adoption is widely practiced in many non-Muslim western societies. Babies are taken from their parents and named after those adopting them. The children grow up having no idea who their real parents are. In a mobile society like the U.S.A. for example, an adopted boy may end up marrying his sister from his original parents without knowing that she is his sister. These cases have actually happened. This harmful consequence is one of the reasons that Islam places such importance on the use of the child's real name. A person's name is important in Islam because many social rules like marriage, inheritance, custody, provision, and punishment, are contingent upon the blood relationship. This is a reason for women to retain their own names after marriage as well. Adoption in non-Muslim societies is practiced for many reasons. Non-Muslim societies have many illegitimate babies as a result of extramarital sexual relationships. Very young mothers of these babies do not keep them because they cannot support them and devote time to raising them. So these young women give the children to other parents who have no children, or abandon them in the streets where people can pick them up. Worse than that, some of these babies are killed, put in trash bags, and then thrown in garbage cans. In other cases, these children are sold to parents who cannot have children. Another reason for adoption in these non-Muslim societies is that many women do not like or want to get pregnant, for fear of ruining their beauty. Many of these people claim that adoption is a humane service. They do not realize that Islam preserves the humane part of this practice by allowing people to raise children that are not theirs, while it prevents the negative consequences of adoption which can harm society by calling the child after the adoptive parents. Ta`addud Az-Zawjat (Polygyny) The word "polygamy" means having more than one mate. Having more than one wife is called "polygyny", while having more than one husband is called "polyandry". A mixture of men and women is called "group marriage" or "communal marriage". Islam prohibits polyandry and group marriages, but allows polygyny with conditions that restrict the number. In this section, the common word "polygyny" is used, with an explanation of the Islamic conditions which pertain to it. Islam allows Muslim men to consider marrying up to four wives at the same time, but there is a necessary condition for this permission. The man must be just to them, and must treat them equally in all matters that are under his control; like provision, and the amount of time he spends with each one. If the man cannot provide for them with justice and equality, he must restrict himself to one, as the Qur'an states. Allah (s.w.t.) said: {{And if you fear that you will not deal fairly by the orphans, marry of the women, who seem good to you, two or three or four; and if you fear that you cannot do justice (to so many) then one (only) or that your right hands possess. That is more likely that you will not do injustice.}} [Al-Qur'an: An-Nisa' (4:3)]. Islam restricted the number of wives a man may have to four; people before Islam used to marry many women. When Islam was revealed all Muslim men were ordered to divorce any wives above the limit. Only the Prophet (s.a.w.) was allowed to exceed this limit; this was a special right given by Allah. Polygyny was organized and limited by Islam rather than left open in number and conditions. It should be noted that many prophets before Muhammad (s.a.w.), like Prophet Ibrahim (Abraham), had more than one wife. In polygamy, each wife has the right to have a separate house of equal quality, or separate apartments in the same house. The husband has no right to force them to live in one house with separate bedrooms unless his wives agree. Many people think that Islam requires every man to marry four women. If people considered this for a moment, they would find that a society of 80% women and 20% men is needed to make this possible. Islam is a way of life for all people at all times that provides solutions for all problems that arise among those who follow it. Society benefits from polygamy in many ways, and these should be mentioned here, however, the reader should not perceive this as a justification for the permission, as the laws of Allah do not need defense or justification. A man who wants children may marry a woman who turns out to be barren. In this case, he does not need to divorce her to marry another wife and have children. In a non-Islamic society, the first wife would be divorced, and nobody who wants children would marry her; this leaves her in a worse situation than the Muslim woman who would have the advantage of being able to stay married and be equal to the second wife. A woman with a permanent illness which prevents her from fulfilling her duties as a wife and a mother, would not be left. The man can remain her supporter and husband, and at the same time marry another wife. In a non-Islamic society, when a man meets a woman that he likes, he may divorce his wife to have her. Islam, reduces these chances of socializing with other women, but still leaves the door open for a man to marry a second wife without leaving the first wife. Not divorcing the first wife is a privilege for her, though she can still seek divorce if she prefers. The permission to marry up to four women is also the only alternative to adultery and fornication in wars, where many men die, leaving the ratio of women to men unbalanced. Even in normal societies when there is no war, there are around 3-5% more women than men. How could these women have husbands, security and fulfillment if polygyny were prohibited? The permission also protects men from adultery, if a man is unable to wait for an allowed time to be with his wife. Many other benefits exist, but once again it must be emphasized that these are not explained to justify what Allah said. When Allah and then His Prophet decide something, no Muslim believer is left with a choice concerning the matter. The Qur'an states. Allah (s.w.t.) said: {{And it becomes not a believing man or a believing woman, when Allah and His Messenger have decided an affair (for them), that they should (after that) claim any say in their affair; and whoso is rebellious to Allah and His Messenger, he verily goes astray in error manifest.}} [Al-Qur'an: Al-Ahzab (33:36)]. Many people addressing this issue speak as if one is not allowed to marry a second wife unless his case falls in one of the exceptional cases mentioned above. This perspective is wrong, and makes a woman think that if her husband marries a second wife without the existence of one of the situations, then there must be something wrong with her. The first wife has no reason to feel less than the second wife. Islam made it clear that equality is a necessary condition, and the second wife has no privileges the first wife does not also have. People argue about whether the rule is one and the exception is more, or vice versa. There is no place for such an endless argument here. Marrying one, two, three, or four women is allowed, as long as the condition of justice is satisfied. However, the person should choose whatever serves Islam better, and do what helps him become a better Muslim and enables him to do more Da`wah in a time when we need a lot of Da`wah. Thus much depends on the time and the environment. It may serve Islam better to limit oneself to one wife at certain times, and it may serve Islam better to have more than one wife at other times. A Muslim man should fear Allah in making his choice, and should not base his decision on his own inclination. Many men these days do not fear Allah and use this permission loosely, forgetting the conditions attached to it. They may leave the first wife in limbo, deprived her of her rights, and treat her differently than the second wife. Even her children may be treated badly compared with the children of the second wife. Such behavior is a transgression against the laws of Allah and is absolutely prohibited. Many people ask why a woman cannot marry more than one man. Naturally, if it had been a good thing, Allah would have allowed it; and nobody is permitted to allow what Allah has prohibited. In examining such a situation, we find that (since the man is the head of the family) there would be more than one leader of the family, an impossible situation. Paternity is very important in marriages and inheritances, and it would be impossible to keep track of this if the woman were married to many men at the same time. Besides these factors, a woman's marriage to more than one man would not increase the number of children conceived (in cases when they could be needed), while the opposite is true. Allah (s.w.t.) said: {{O people! Be careful of your duty to your Lord Who created you from a single soul and from it created its mate and from them twain has spread abroad a multitude of men and women. Be careful of your duty toward Allah in Whom you claim (your rights) of one another, and toward the wombs (that bore you). Lo! Allah has been a Watcher over you.}} [Al-Qur'an: An-Nisa' (4:1)]. Nushuz Az-Zawj (Husband's Desertion) If a woman fears that her husband will desert her and divorce her because she is sick, too old, or ugly, people may make peace between them in order to resolve the problem. This solution may mean that the wife may forfeit some of her rights, such as provision, to prevent divorce. Allah (s.w.t.) said: {{If a woman fears ill-treatment from her husband, or desertion, it is no sin for them twain if they make terms of peace between themselves. Peace is better. But greed has been made present in the minds (of men). If you do good and keep from evil, lo! Allah is ever informed of what you do. You will not be able to deal equally between (your) wives, however much you wish (to do so). But turn not altogether away (from one), leaving her as in suspense. If you do good and keep from evil, lo! Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful. But if you separate, Allah will compensate each out of His abundance. Allah is ever All-Embracing, All-Knowing.}} [Al-Qur'an: An-Nisa' (4:128-130)]. Marital Etiquette Introduction Islamic education is comprehensive, covering all fields of study. It has been innovative in the fields of marital relationships and has provided useful and appropriate teachings to married couples. These teachings provide Muslims with guidelines to keep them within appropriate limits, because exceeding the limits to any extreme causes harm to the individual and the society. Adab Al-Jima` (Intercourse Etiquettes) Islam, in a very decent language that is hard to show in the translation from Arabic, teaches Muslims how to perform their marital duties. The Prophet (s.a.w.) recommended the husband to be kind to his bride, and to comfort her by offering her something to drink when they meet the first time after the wedding. The man is also told on that very first day to put his hand on her forehead, say the name of Allah (Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim), and pray to Allah (make a Du`a') to bless their marriage. The groom and the bride are also recommended to pray two Rak`ahs together when they meet on the first day of marriage. The Prophet (s.a.w.) recommended the couple to start every intercourse by saying: Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim (in the name of Allah), and by praying to Allah (making a Du`a') to protect them from Satan, and to protect the child from Satan if a child comes from that intercourse. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said: {If one of you when going to his wife said: Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim (In the name of Allah), O Allah! Protect us from Shaitan and protect the sustenance (child) you give us from Shaitan, and if Allah gave them a child, Shaitan would not affect it at all.} (Al-Bukhari). The Prophet (s.a.w.) also told the men not to leave their wives before they too had been satisfied, as is their right. The man should not surprise his wife by starting the intercourse suddenly, since that is harmful to her, and the consequences could be harmful to her faith. He should get acquainted with her and should make her feel comfortable instead. The man is also prohibited from surprising his wife when coming back from a trip. He should notify her and give her the time to take care of herself, as the Prophet (s.a.w.) and his companions did when they came back from a battle. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said: {Do not surprise women at home at night.} (Al-Bukhari). Another narration in Al-Bukhari and Muslim adds that this will give the woman enough time to take care of her hair and herself. The Prophet (s.a.w.) told the husband to do Wudhu' (ablution) (the same way he does it for the prayer) after having intercourse if he wants to do so again. The Wudhu' (ablution) is the washing of some of the body parts to prepare oneself for the prayer and implies the intention to pray. It includes washing the hands to the wrists three times, rinsing out the mouth with water three times, cleansing the nostrils of the nose by sniffing water through them three times, washing the whole face three times with both hands, washing the arms up to the far elbows three times starting with the right arm, wiping the whole head with a wet hand once, wiping the inner sides of the ears with the forefingers and the outer sides with the thumbs, and washing the feet up to the ankles three times starting with the right foot. The obligatory steps are washing the face, washing the hands to the elbows, wiping the head, and washing the feet to the ankles. The rest of the steps are Sunnah. The above sequence should be followed in performing Wudhu'. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said: {If one of you went to his wife and then wanted to go to her again, he must do Wudhu' (and in another narration: like that done for the prayer) between the two times, because it makes him more active in coming back.} (Muslim, Ahmad, and Abu Dawood). However, taking a bath is better in this case. Abu Rafi` narrated that the Prophet (s.a.w.) went to his wives' places on one day, one after the other, taking a bath at the place of every one. Abu Rafi` said that he asked: O Messenger of Allah! Why don't you make it one bath? The Prophet (s.a.w.) said: {This is better, more purified, and cleaner.} (Abu Dawood and An-Nasa'i). The word Junub describes the state of a person after intercourse (even if the genitals just touch each other without having an intercourse), or after the emission of semen, called Inzal or Dafq (ejaculation; ejection of semen), whether the person is awake or asleep. If this happens while the person is asleep, it is called (Ihtilam). This status of impurity is usually called Janabah. These words are used in some of the Hadiths quoted in this section. This status of impurity can be rid of by taking a bath if water is available; otherwise, Tayammum (explained below) will do it. The antonym of Janabah is Taharah (cleanness), and the antonym of Junub is Tahir (pure or clean). The husband and the wife are allowed to take a bath together in one place, even if he sees all of her body and she sees all of his body. `A'ishah said: {I used to take a bath with the Prophet (s.a.w.) from one water container that was between me and him. Our hands used to get mixed in it, and he would put his hands in the water until I say: Leave for me, leave for me. She said: We were both Junub.} (Al-Bukhari and Muslim). The Prophet (s.a.w.) recommended the couple to do Wudhu' (ablution) after the intercourse, before they go to sleep. Taking baths, however, is required before resuming certain activities such as praying, reading or touching the Qur'an, and entering the prayer area of the mosque. `A'ishah said: {The Prophet (s.a.w.) used to wash his groin area and used to do an ablution (Wudhu') before he ate or slept while being Junub (status after the intercourse).} (Al-Bukhari and Muslim). `Abdullah Ibn `Omar said: { `Omar asked: O Messenger of Allah! Can one of us go to sleep while being Junub? He said: Yes, if he does Wudhu'.} (Al-Bukhari and Muslim). Another narration says: {Yes, he does Wudhu' and sleeps until he takes a bath, if he wants.} (Muslim). Another narration also says: {Yes, and he does Wudhu' if he wants.} (Ibn Khuzaimah and Ibn Habban). This Wudhu' is not required for Muslims, but it is strongly recommended. `A'ishah said: {The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) used to sleep while being Junub without touching the water, until he wakes up and then takes a bath.} (Ahmad, Abu Dawood, Ibn Majah, and At-Tirmizi). A man can postpone the bath if he wants to have intercourse with his wife when he wakes up. This is narrated in many authentic Hadiths by Ibn `Abbas and others. In another narration, `A'ishah said: {The Prophet (s.a.w.) used to sleep while being Junub. Then, when Bilal would come and call the Azan for the prayer, he would get up and take a bath. I used to look at the water dropping off his head. Then, he would go out, and I would hear his voice in the Fajr prayer. Then, he would remain fasting (if he was fasting). Matraf said: I asked `Amir: In Ramadhan? He said: Yes, whether it was in Ramadhan or in another month.} (Ibn Abi Shaibah and Ahmad). The couple has the option of doing Tayammum instead of Wudhu'. Tayammum is done by rubbing one's palms on the ground, and then wiping the face, and then the hands to the elbows. This option is permitted when water is not available. `A'ishah said: {The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) used either to do Wudhu' or Tayammum before going to sleep while being Junub.} (Al-Baihaqi). The husband and wife may take a bath before they go to sleep if they choose; this is better than the Wudhu'. `Abdullah Ibn Qais said: {I asked `A'ishah: What did the Prophet (s.a.w.) use to do about Janabah? Did he use to take a bath before sleeping, or did he use to sleep before taking a bath? She said: He used to do all that; he used to take a bath and sleep sometimes, and used to sleep and then take a bath some other times. I said: Al-Hamdu Lillah (thanks to Allah) who made this so convenient.} (Muslim and Ahmad). Islam prohibits eccentric, violent, harmful, and dirty forms of sexual interactions between a husband and wife. There is no specified position for intercourse in Islam, but the man is prohibited from having anal intercourse with his wife. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said: {Do not approach women from the anus.} (Ahmad, At-Tirmizi, An-Nasa'i, and Ibn Majah). Touching the genitals with the mouths, an act currently practiced in non-Islamic societies, was never practiced by the Arabs before or after Islam, nor was it mentioned in the Hadith. According to Shaikh `Abdullah Ibn Jibrin, a member of Dar Al-Ifta' ( Fiqh committee) in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, this act is strongly hated. A translation of his Fatwa, published in Al-Muslimun Magazine (54) states: "This is a bad act that People with honored souls dislike and hate. The satisfaction in this case is one-sided, not like that in the normal intercourse that causes reproduction. It may be part of what the youth have learned from watching foreign pornographic movies (which is prohibited in Islam). This act could also cause harm to the couple from the liquids that could reach their mouths and get mixed with their saliva or be swallowed. So when it comes to judging it Islamically, it is better to say that it is strongly hated." Al-Awqat Al-Muharramah (Prohibited Times) Islam specified the periods of time during which a man is not allowed to go to his wife. These include her menstruation period, and the childbed period, which is the first forty days after the childbirth, or until the blood stops, whichever comes first. The length of the menstruation period varies from three to ten days. It is called Haidh or Mahidh in Arabic. During this time, the woman is called Ha'idh. Any menstruation less than three days or beyond the ten days is not considered a menstruation period but is called Istihadhah in Arabic, during which the woman is considered Tahir (pure) or has Taharah (purity). The childbed or confinement period lasts until the blood stops, or forty days, whichever comes first, and is called An-Nifas. During this time, the woman is called Nufasa'. If the childbed lasts beyond forty days, the woman will be considered Tair, and the Nifas period will be considered over. In these two particular cases, it is the intercourse only which is prohibited, because it is harmful at this time, as the Qur'an states. The couple, however, can do everything else, such as kissing, hugging, or touching, provided the wife covers her groin area to avoid its contact with his body. Allah (s.w.t.) said: {{They question you (O Muhammad) concerning menstruation. Say: It is an illness; so refrain from women during such times and go not in unto them till they are cleaned. And when they have purified themselves, then go in unto them as Allah has enjoined upon you. Truly Allah loves those who turn unto Him, and loves those who have a care for cleanness.}} [Al-Qur'an: Al-Baqarah (2:222)]. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said: {Do everything except the intercourse.} (Muslim and Abu Dawood). `A'ishah said: {The Messenger of Allah used to tell one of us (the women) when she is in her menstruation period to cover the place (groin area), and then her husband may sleep with her, or touch her.} (Al-Bukhari and Muslim). One of the wives of the Prophet (s.a.w.) also said about him: {When he used to want something from the wife who is in her menstruation period, he would cover the groin area, and then he would do what he wanted.} (Abu Dawood). These Hadiths mean that a man can sleep with his wife without having intercourse. Once the blood stops, the husband can go to his wife after she cleans her groin area only, after she does Wudhu', or after she takes a bath. If water is not available, Tayammum is enough to make it lawful for him to have intercourse with her. The man is also told not to go to his wife after he ejaculates in his dreams and before he cleans the place, takes a bath, or urinates. During this time, he is Ihtilam. This emission is considered from Shaitan (Satan), and its residuals should be cleaned. The man is prohibited from having intercourse with his wife from dawn until dusk during the days of the fasting month of Ramadhan. The husband and the wife are allowed to kiss or hug provided it does not lead to anything which would void their fasting. Even during days of voluntary fasting, this rule must be followed. For pilgrims in Mecca, no exception is given, even during the night. Throughout the time of Hajj (pilgrimage), pilgrims should abstain from intercourse and all that leads to it, such as kissing, touching, hugging, and talking about it. This rule for pilgrims in Mecca also applies to men doing I`tikaf (retreat) in the mosques. Allah (s.w.t.) said: {{But do not associate with your wives while you are in retreat in mosques.}} [Al-Qur'an: Al-Baqarah (2:187)]. Al-Istitar (Privacy) In Islam interaction between the husband and his wife should always be done privately, away from others' observation, including one's children who live in the same house. The Prophet (s.a.w.) also prohibited the man and the woman to talk to others about details that happen in their bedrooms. One is only allowed to reveal what is necessary when there are good reasons, such as medical issues. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said: {Among those who will occupy the worst position in the sight of Allah on the Day of Resurrection is the man who has intercourse with his wife and she with him, and then he spreads her secrets.} (Ahmad and Abu Dawood) Asma' Bint Yazid said: {I was present where the Prophet (s.a.w.) was, and men and women were sitting. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said to them: "May a man be talking about what he does to his wife, and may a woman be talking about what she does with her husband?" The people remained quiet and did not answer. So I said: "Yes, O Messenger of Allah! The women do that, and the men do that too." He said: "Do not do that, because doing that is like a Shaitan meets a Shaitanah in a street, then he had intercourse with her while people were watching."} (Ahmad). At-Tazayyon (Adornment and Beautification) Muslim men and women should take care of themselves and should always try to look nice and stay clean, so they do not cause offence to each other, which could lead one of them to seek illicit relationships with others. Elegance and beautification are encouraged in Islam, as the Qur'an states. Allah (s.w.t.) said: {{Say: Who has forbidden the adornment of Allah which He has brought forth for His servants, and the good things of His providing.}} [Al-Qur'an: Al-A`raf (7:32)]. Men and women are told not to grow their pubic hair, armpit hair, or their fingernails and toe nails. Islam requires all men to be circumcised, grow beards, and trim their moustaches. These are part of the cleanliness code in Islam. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said: {Fitrah is five: Circumcision, shaving the pubic hair, trimming the moustache, clipping the nails, and pulling the armpit hair.} (Al-Bukhari, Muslim, Abu Dawood, and An-Nasa'i). The Fitrah is the Sunnah (tradition) of the Prophets that we are told to imitate. It also means the instincts that are born with us without the effect of our upbringing. Anas said: {The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) told us to trim the moustache, clip the nails, pull the armpit hair, and shave the pubic hair, so that we may not leave that for longer than forty nights.} (Muslim, At-Tirmizi, Abu Dawood, and An-Nasa'i). A Muslim man or woman should like only what is Halal in his/her spouse. When someone starts to enjoy what is Haram and starts to think it is beautiful, he/she should question his/her belief and its strength. It goes without saying that many of todays fashions (punk haircuts, etc.) are against the teachings of Islam, and are from the influences of Shaitan. May Allah protect us from these influences. Men are told to adorn themselves for their wives as women are for their husbands. Ibn `Abbas, the companion of the Prophet (s.a.w.) said: "I adorn myself for my wife just like she adorns herself for me, and I wouldn't want to get my right from her without giving her her right too, because Allah (s.w.t.) said: And they (women) have rights similar to those (of men) over them in kindness". (Ibn Abi Hatim and Ibn Jarir). The adornment of men varies by age. What is appropriate for a youth may not be appropriate for older men and vice versa. The man should make sure that he wears clean clothes, keeps his body clean, combs his hair, and uses perfume. It ought to be mentioned here the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) prohibited the men from imitating women, and women from imitating men in the way they dress. Islam prohibits Muslim men from wearing gold and pure (natural) silk. Many authentic Hadiths emphasize this rule. The Prophet (s.a.w.) took silk in his right hand and gold in his left, and said: {These two are Haram (prohibited) for the males among my followers} (Ahmad, Abu Dawood, An-Nasa'i, and Ibn Majah). Ibn Majah reported the additional phrase: {but Halal (allowed) for the females}. There was an instance in which the Prophet (s.a.w.) allowed one of his companions to wear silk, because the man had a skin problem (scabies). While Muslim men are not allowed to wear gold at all, they are encouraged to wear silver rings. Islam prohibits Muslims from dressing for the sake of fame, vanity, and pride. Allah (s.w.t.) said: {{Allah does not love any proud boaster}} [Al-Qur'an: Al-Hadid (57:23)]. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said: {On the Day of Resurrection, Allah will not look at the person who trails his robe behind him out of pride.} (Al-Bukhari and Muslim). Any beautification that alters the physical appearance Allah created us with is prohibited in Islam, unless it is for medical reasons. This prohibition includes plastic surgeries performed by people to change their noses, breasts, or other parts of their bodies. Allah (s.w.t.) said about what Shaitan said about his followers: {{And surely I (Shaitan) will lead them astray, and surely I will arouse desires in them, and surely I will command them and they will cut the cattle's ears, and surely I will command them and they will change Allah's creation. Whoso chooses Shaitan for a patron instead of Allah is verily a loser, and his loss is manifest.}} [Al-Qur'an: An-Nisa'(4:119)]. Dr. Yusuf Al-Qaradhawi, a contemporary Muslim scholar, states that what Islam disapproves of is change merely for the sake of beautification. However, if changes are needed to eliminate pain or distress, there is nothing wrong with it; but Allah knows best. Al-Bahi Al-Khuli, another contemporary Muslim scholar, says in his book "Al-Mar'ah Bain Al-Bait wal Mujtama` ": "It may happen that a person has an unusual physical defect which attracts the attention of others to the point of inflicting physical and psychological pain, every time he meets people. In this case, he may treat the defect, and thus alleviate the embarrassment which made his life miserable. Allah, the Most Merciful, has imposed no hardship on us in religion." The Prophet (s.a.w.) also prohibited tattooing, cutting the teeth and widening the gap between them for the purpose of beautification, plucking the eyebrows, and wearing wigs and hairpieces for both men and women, (or the addition of any other natural or artificial hair.) The Prophet (s.a.w.) said: {Allah has cursed the Washimat and the Mustawshimat, the Namisat and the Mutanammisat, and the Mutafallijat for beauty, who change what Allah has created.} (Al-Bukhari, Muslim, Abu Dawood, and At-Tirmizi). The Washimat are the tattooers, and the Mustawshimat are the people who are tattooed. The Namisat pluck the eyebrows to straighten them or to make them thinner, and the Mutanammisat are the people whose eyebrows are plucked. Some Muslim scholars apply this prohibition of plucking the hair to all the facial hair of the woman. The Mutafallijat for beauty are the peoples who widen the gaps between their teeth for the sake of beautification. The Hadith says: {The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) cursed the Washimah and the Mustawshimah, and the Washirah and the Mustawshirah.} (Muslim). The Washimah and the Mustawshimah are the singular forms of the Washimat and the Mustawshimat that are mentioned above. The Washirah is the one who cuts or shortens the teeth, and the Mustawshirah is the one whose teeth are cut or shortened. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said: {Allah has cursed the Wasilah and the Mustawsilah.} (Al-Bukhari). The Wasilah is a woman whose profession is making wigs and hairpieces, and Mustwasilah is a woman who wears them. In addition, making braids out of anything that is not made of hair, like wool or silk, is allowed. It is Sunnah to dye one's hair and beard. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said: {The Jews and the Christians do not dye their hair, so be different from them.} (Al-Bukhari). The color of the dye should be appropriate for the age of the person; for instance, black dye is not appropriate for old men while it is appropriate for young men. It is not from the Sunnah, however, to dye the beard with black color. Dying the hair was practiced by some of the companions, like Abu Bakr and `Omar while others, like `Ali, did not dye their hair. The Prophet (s.a.w.) also told Muslim men to let their beards grow and to trim their moustaches. Growing beards is considered a requirement for Muslim men by most Muslim scholars and the four famous Islamic schools of law. Muslim men should not shave their beards, or drastically shorten or trim them. They are allowed, however, to trim the length and the breadth of their beards if they grow too long or wide. Imitating and resembling the unbelievers is prohibited in Islam. The Prophet (s.a.w.) said: {Be different from the Mushriks (idolaters): let the beard grow and trim the moustache.} (Al-Bukhari). Many contemporary Muslim scholars allow a man to shave his beard in cases in which having a beard could cause harm. This case exists in many countries where Muslims are oppressed by their leaders, and men are arrested and tortured just because they grow beards. Conclusion {The Prophet (s.a.w.) once said: "A man is recompensed for the intercourse he performs with his wife", and when some of the surprised listeners asked the Prophet (s.a.w.): "Is the person rewarded for satisfying his passions?", the Prophet (s.a.w.) answered: "Do you not see that if he were to satisfy it in a prohibited manner he would be committing a sin? So if he satisfies it in a lawful manner he will be recompensed."} (Muslim). Marriage Dissolution Introduction Any discussion of marital relationships in Islam, should briefly mention the laws of divorce, since marriage and divorce are strongly related. The laws of divorce are among those laws shown in detail in the Qur'an along with the laws of marriage. It is also important to study the other forms of marriage dissolution besides divorce that are mentioned in the Qur'an and Hadith. At-Talaq (Divorce) Divorce is allowed in Islam. People, however, should not abuse this permission by seeking divorce without good reasons. Although if a couple divorces without reason it would still be considered lawful. Many reasons could lead to family dissolution; including one's spouse committing adultery, dislike or hatred between spouses, apostasy by one of them, or inability or refusal of the husband to support his wife. In Islam the man is the head of the household for many reasons. One of them being that he is responsible for all the financial expenses. Allah (s.w.t.) said: {{Men are in charge of women, because Allah has made the one of them to excel to the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah has guarded.}} [Al-Qur'an: An-Nisa' (4:34)]. A man can divorce his wife by saying or writing an expression that can mean nothing else, such as "you are divorced" or "I am no longer your husband". The woman must hear it or read it. Women have the right of divorce for the same reasons; such as fighting, incompatibility, inability to support, or adultery. However, women need to go to a Muslim judge to explain to him the reasons, and he will issue the divorce on accordance. A man can give his wife the right to divorce in the same way he can, by saying or writing it. This permission can be given to her in the marriage contract or later. The woman can also divorce her husband if she does not like him by paying back the dowry. A divorce from the woman's side is called Khul` in Islam. The `Iddah of Al-Khul` is one menstruation period (or one month) to make sure that the woman is not pregnant. This is probably a loss of a chance open for making up and going back to each other without remarriage. When the divorce is issued by the husband, the couple can reunite without remarriage during the `Iddah that follows the first and second divorces. Allah (s.w.t.) said: {{And if you fear that they may not be able to keep the limits of Allah, in that case it is no sin for either of them if the woman ransoms herself. These are the limits of Allah. Transgress them not. For whoso transgresses Allah's limits, such are wrongdoers.}} [Al-Qur'an: Al-Baqarah (2:229)]. If the husband is away from his wife longer than a certain period of time, the wife has the right to divorce him if she chooses. The length of the period is six months according to Imam Ahmad and one year according to Imam Malik. This indicates that Islam has a high regard for human needs, and Islam acknowledges that the absence of the husband for a long period of time can cause harm to the wife. If the judge knows where the husband is, he can send a letter to him asking him to come back; otherwise, a divorce would be issued. A similar divorce is issued on the request of the woman if her husband is sentenced to a long period of time in jail. Divorce is invalid if the person who issued it was drunk, very angry, or forced into it, (by a gun for example). It would be invalid a man issued it by a mistake, during her menstruation period, or if the couple has had intercourse during the interval between her latest menstruation (if she menstruates) and the time the divorce is issued, because she might not know if she had conceived a child, and would not know when to begin calculating her `Iddah. The couple can be divorced only three times. Divorcing all those three times means that the couple is not meant for each other and they should never marry each other again, unless she marries another man (for the purpose of marriage) and gets divorced for a good reason (not for remarrying the former husband). Allah knows well the intentions; it would be adultery if the woman remarried to divorce and remarry her first husband. After the first divorce, the woman and the man cannot touch each other, but can live together if they choose to, for three monthly periods, three months if she does not have a period, or until the woman gives birth if she is pregnant. This period is called `Iddah in Islam. In the case of widowing, the `Iddah is four months and ten days unless she is pregnant, in which case it will be until she gives birth. There is no `Iddah if a man marries a woman and then divorces her before having intercourse with her. In this case, the couple cannot stay together after divorce If the man and woman touch each other either by kissing or intercourse, it will nullify the first divorce, and the couple will be considered reunited. If the `Iddah comes to an end without the couple resuming marital relations, they should not live together anymore. If they choose to go back to each other after the `Iddah period, they must perform a new marriage. The same process applies to the second divorce. After the third divorce, they must leave each other permanently and immediately. Staying together after the first or the second divorce can often help a couple reconcile, without any interference from other people. After a couple fights, it is naturally easier to apologize and reconcile when the couple is alone together with many opportunities to talk and work things out. This method is far better than what often happens in many non-Islamic societies, where many people such as her lawyer, his lawyer, her new male friends, and his new female friends influence the decisions of the divorced husband and wife, making it nearly impossible for the couple to reconcile. The husband is responsible to support the wife he divorced during the `Iddah but she does not have to cook or do anything for him, except not allow strangers in the house. If the couple does not reconcile, the younger children stay with their mother if she chooses and if she is Muslim until they are old enough to choose which parent to stay with. If one parent is not qualified to raise them Islamically (for example, if he/she were a drunkard, non-Muslim, or insane), the other parent takes custody of the children. The father pays for the expenses of the children in either case if he can. If the woman chooses to breast-feed the infants, the man should pay her, if she requests it. The mother has the right to refuse to take the children, even if the father is insane or a drunkard. In this case, the fathers relatives take custody of them; if that is not possible the state decides the matter. Allah (s.w.t.) said: {{The duty of feeding and clothing nursing mothers in a seemly manner is upon the father of the child.}} [Al-Qur'an: Al-Baqarah (2:233)]. Allah (s.w.t.) also said: {{Lodge them (the women) where you dwell, according to your wealth, and harass them not so as to restrain life for them. And if they are pregnant, then spend for them till they give birth. Then, if they breast-feed them for you, give them their due payment and consult together in kindness; but if you make difficult for one another, then let some other woman breast-feed for him (the father of the child). Let him who has abundance spend of his abundance, and he whose provision is measured, let him spend of that which Allah has given him. Allah asks naught of any soul save which that He has given it. Allah will vouchsafe, after hardship, ease.}} [Al-Qur'an: At-Talaq (65:6-7)]. In cases where reconciliation with the aid of a third party is needed, the Qur'an orders us to select a good person from her family and a good one from his to reconcile between the couple, and to bring peace to their home if they fight and seek divorce. Property rights are not a problem, as each person keeps his/her account and property separate after marriage, and the man is responsible for the support of the family as long as the wife is fulfilling her duties as a mother and a wife. A woman has the option of working, provided she is fulfilling her duties as a mother and as a wife, and the working environment and the work type are consonant with the Islamic teachings. Whatever she earns in such cases is hers, since provision is a husband's duty. Each person knows his/her property without the complications of lawsuits. The following Qur'anic verses address the issue of divorce, and other related issues such as `Iddah, remarriage, provision, and death of the husband. Allah (s.w.t.) said: {{O Prophet! When you (men) divorce women, divorce them for their (legal) period, and keep your duty to Allah, your Lord. Expel them not from their houses nor let them go forth unless they commit open immorality. Such are the limits of Allah; and whoso transgresses Allah's limits, he verily wrongs his soul. You know not: it may be that Allah will afterward bring some new thing to pass. Then, when they have reached their term, take them back in kindness or part from them in kindness, and call to witness two just men among you, and keep your testimony upright for Allah. Whoso believes in Allah and the Last Day is exhorted to act this. And whosoever keeps his duty to Allah, Allah will appoint a way out for him. And will provide for him from (a quarter) whence he has no expectation. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, He will suffice him. Lo! Allah brings His commands to pass. Allah has set a measure for all things. And for such of your women as despair of menstruation, if you doubt, their period (of waiting) shall be three months, along with those who have it not. And for those who are pregnant, their period shall be till they bring forth their burden. And whosoever keeps his duty to Allah, He makes his course easy for him. That is the commandment of Allah which He reveals unto you. And whoso keeps his duty to Allah, he will remit from him his evil deeds and magnify reward for him. Lodge them (the women) where you dwell, according to your wealth, and harass them not so as to restrain life for them. And if they are pregnant, then spend for them till they give birth. Then, if they breast-feed them for you, give them their due payment and consult together in kindness; but if you make difficult for one another, then let some other woman breast-feed for him (the father of the child). Let him who has abundance spend of his abundance, and he whose provision is measured, let him spend of that which Allah has given him. Allah asks naught of any soul save which that He has given it. Allah will vouchsafe, after hardship, ease.}} [Al-Qur'an: At-Talaq (65:1-7)]. Allah (s.w.t.) also said: {{Women who are divorced shall wait, keeping themselves apart, three (monthly) courses. And it is not lawful for them that they should conceal that which Allah has created in their wombs if they are believers in Allah and the Last day. And their husbands would do better to take back in that case if they desire a reconciliation. And they (women) have rights similar to those (of men) over them in kindness, and men are a degree above them. Allah is Mighty, Wise. Divorce must be pronounced twice and then (a woman) must be retained in honor or released in kindness. And it is not lawful for you that you take from women aught of that which you have given them; except (in the case) when both fear that they may not be able to keep the limits of Allah, in that case it is no sin for either of them if the woman ransoms herself. These are the limits of Allah. Transgress them not. For whoso transgresses Allah's limits, such are wrongdoers. And if he has divorced her (the third time), then she is not lawful unto him thereafter until she has wedded another husband. Then if he (the other husband) divorces her, it is no sin for both of them that they come together again if they consider that they are able to observe the limits of Allah. These are the limits of Allah. He manifests them for people who have knowledge. When you have divorced women, and they have reached their term, then retain them in kindness or release them in kindness. Retain them not to their hurt so that you transgress (the limits). He who does that has wronged his soul. Make not the revelations of Allah a laughingstock (by your behavior), but remember Allah's grace upon you and that which He has revealed unto you of the Scripture and of wisdom, whereby He does exhort you. Observe your duty to Allah and know that Allah is Aware of all things. And when you have divorced women and they reach their term, place not difficulties in the way of their marrying their husbands if it is agreed between them in kindness. This is an admonition for him among you who believes in Allah and the Last Day. That is more virtuous for you, and cleaner. Allah knows: you know not. Mothers shall suckle their children for two whole years; (that is) for those who wish to complete the suckling. The duty of feeding and clothing nursing mothers in a seemly manner is upon the father of the child. No one should be charged beyond his capacity. A mother should not be made to suffer because of her child, nor should he to whom the child is born (be made to suffer) because of his child. And on the (father's) heir is incumbent the like of that (which was incumbent on the father). If they desire to wean the child, by mutual consent and (after) consultation, it is no sin for them; and if you wish to give your children out to nurse, it is no sin for you, provided that you pay what is due from you in kindness. Observe your duty to Allah, and know that Allah is Seer of what you do. Such of you as die and leave behind them wives, they (the wives) shall wait, keeping themselves apart, four months and ten days. And when they reach the term (prescribed for them) then there is no sin for you in aught that they may do with themselves in decency. Allah is well acquainted of what you do. There is no sin for you in that which you proclaim or hide in your minds concerning your troth with women. Allah knows that you will remember them. But plight not your troth with women except by uttering a recognized form of words. And do not consummate the marriage until (the term) prescribe is run. Know that Allah knows what is in your minds, so beware of Him; and know that Allah is Forgiving, Clement. It is no sin for you if you divorce women while yet you have not touched them, nor appointed unto them a portion. Provide for them, the rich according to his means and the straitened according to his means, a fair provision. (This is) a bounden duty for those who do good. If you divorce them before you have touched them and you have appointed unto them a portion, then (pay the) half of that which you appointed, unless they (the women) agree to forgo it, or he agrees to forgo it in whose hand is the marriage tie. To forgo is nearer to piety. And forget not kindness among yourselves. Allah is Seer of what you do. Be guardians of your prayers, and of the midmost prayer; and stand up with devotion to Allah. And if you go in fear, then (pray) standing or on horseback. And when you are again in safety, remember Allah as He has taught you that which (heretofore) you knew not. (In the case) those of you who are about to die and leave behind them wives, they should bequeath unto their wives a provision for the year without turning them out, but if they go out (of their own accord) there is no sin for you in that which they do of themselves within their rights. Allah is Mighty, Wise. For divorced women a provision in kindness: a duty for those who ward off (evil). Thus Allah expounds unto you His revelations so that you may understand.}} [Al-Qur'an: Al-Baqarah (2:228-242)]. Allah (s.w.t.) also said: {{O you who believe! If you wed believing women and divorce them before you have touched them, then there is no period that you should reckon. But content them and release them handsomely.}} [Al-Qur'an: Al-Ahzab (33:49)]. Al-Ila' (Abandonment for Swearing) Before Islam, men used to swear not to touch their wives for unlimited periods of time. Although Islam discourages such behavior, it limits the period to a maximum of four months if it happens. If the husband did not resume relations with his wife during this period, she would be irrevocably divorced at the end of the four months, even if he did not intend to divorce her. Allah (s.w.t.) said: {{Those who forswear their wives must wait four months; then, if they change their minds, lo! Allah is Forgiving, Merciful. And if they decide upon divorce (let them remember that) Allah is Hearer, Knower.}} [Al-Qur'an: Al-Baqarah (2:226-227)]. Az-Zihar (Injurious Assimilation) In pre-Islamic times, men had an expression that their wives are to them like the backs of their mothers. This statement means that their wives became prohibited to them if they said such statements. Islam prohibits this form of marriage dissolution, and introduced a penalty on men who make such statements. The wife is prohibited to her husband after he makes such a statement, and until he frees a slave, fasts the daytime of two consecutive lunar months if he does not find the wherewithal to free a slave, or feeds sixty needy people if he is unable to fast, in that order. Allah (s.w.t.) said: {{Allah has heard the saying of her that disputes with you (Muhammad) concerning her husband, and complains unto Allah. And Allah hears your colloquy. Lo! Allah is hearer, Knower. Such of you as put away your wives (by saying they are as their mothers) -- They are not their mothers, none are their mothers except those who gave them birth -- they indeed utter an ill word and a lie. And lo! Allah is Forgiving, Merciful. Those who put away their wives (by saying they are as their mothers) and afterward would go back on that which they have said, (the penalty) in that case (is) the freeing of a slave before they touch one another. Unto this you are exhorted; and Allah is informed of what you do. And he who finds not (the wherewithal), let him fast for two consecutive months before they touch one another; and for him who is unable to do so (the penance is) the feeding of sixty needy ones. This, that you may put trust in Allah and His messenger. Such are the limits (imposed by Allah); and for disbelievers is a painful doom.}} [Al-Qur'an: Al-Mujadalah (58:1-4)]. Al-Khul` (Divestiture or Self-Redemption) Al-Khul` is an irrevocable divorce initiated by the wife. The wife can return the marriage dowry and gifts in exchange for the divorce. The man may choose whether or not to take anything back from her. This kind of divorce is usually sought when the woman is not satisfied with the marriage while the husband is fulfilling his duties toward her. The wife may also seek this divorce if she fears that she will not be able to observe the limits imposed by Allah (i.e. perform her duties). If the husband is not fulfilling his duties, she gets her divorce without giving anything back to him. A man may not coerce his wife into doing this by treating her badly so that he can get the dowry and gifts from her. If a man does this kind of thing, the wife is granted divorce without having to pay anything back to him. After Al-Khul`, the man has no right to return his wife. However, he may remarry her with a new contract if she agrees. The `Iddah of Al-Khul` is one menstruation period (or one month) to make sure that she is not pregnant. Allah (s.w.t.) said: {{Divorce must be pronounced twice and then (a woman) must be retained in honor or released in kindness. And it is not lawful for you that you take from women aught of that which you have given them; except (in the case) when both fear that they may not be able to keep within the limits of Allah. And if you fear that they may not be able to keep the limits of Allah, in that case it is no sin for either of them if the woman ransoms herself. These are the limits of Allah. Transgress them not. For whoso transgresses Allah's limits, such are wrongdoers.}} [Al-Qur'an: Al-Baqarah (2:229)]. Al-Li`an (Double Testimony) If a man accuses his wife of adultery without providing four good witnesses, and she denies it, he is whipped for slander unless he swears four times that he is telling the truth, and the fifth time that he invokes the curse of Allah on himself if he is lying. The wife can avert the punishment by swearing four times that he is a liar, and a fifth time she invokes the wrath of Allah upon herself if he is telling the truth. After this, the marriage is dissolved forever, and they can never marry each other again. It is recommended that a man divorce his wife rather than dissolving the marriage in this way. Al-Li`an may also be sought by the husband if he denies that his wife is pregnant with his child, or if he testifies that she gave birth after less than six months, or over one year since his last intercourse with her. Allah (s.w.t.) said: {{As for those who accuse their wives but have no witnesses except themselves; let the testimony of one of them be four testimonies (swearing) by Allah that he is of those who speak the truth. And yet a fifth invoking the curse of Allah on him if he is of those who lie. And it shall avert the punishment from her if she bear witness before Allah four times that he is of those who are liars. And a fifth (time) that the wrath of Allah be upon her if he is of those who speak the truth.}} [Al-Qur'an: An-Noor (24:6-9)]. Some of the scholars state that the husband should start the procedure, while others say that it does not matter who initiates it. If the husband refuses to testify after the accusation, he is whipped eighty lashes for slander, according to Malik, Ahmad, and Ash-Shafi`i. Abu Hanifah said the man should not be punished for slander, but should be imprisoned until he agrees to testify or until he calls himself a liar. If he calls himself a liar, he will be whipped for slander. According to Malik and Ash-Shafi`i, if the wife refuses to testify, she is punished for adultery. Abu Hanifah held that the woman should not be punished for adultery, but should be imprisoned until she agrees to testify or until she admits that she committed adultery. If she admits that she committed adultery, she will be punished for adultery. Al-Faskh (Revocation) The marriage contract may be revoked because of flaws in the contract itself, or because circumstances prevent its continuation. For instance, the husband and wife may find out after the contract is agreed upon that they are prohibited to each other. For example, the husband and the wife may find out that they were breast-fed by the same mother. If the husband or the wife commits apostasy (became non-Muslim after being Muslim), the marriage contract is instantly revoked. If a non-Muslim husband embraces Islam while his wife remains an unbeliever, the marriage is revoked unless his wife is Christian or Jewish. If a non-Muslim wife embraces Islam while her husband remains non-Muslim, the marriage is revoked regardless of his religion. If the father or the grandfather sign the marriage contract for their immature son or daughter, the son or the daughter have the right to revoke the marriage once he or she is mature. Arabic Glossaries This section gives the brief meanings of the Arabic words used in this document. Proper names such as the names of people and places are not listed here. Adab: Etiquettes. Al-: An Arabic definite article similar to `the' in English. The letter `l' in `Al-' is converted to the first letter of the word it precedes in pronunciation if that word starts with one of these Arabic letters: t, th, d, z, r, z, s, sh, s, dh, t, z, and n. Example: Az-Zawaj. `Alaqat: Relationships. `Aqd: Contract. `Aqiqah: The slaughtered lamb(s) to celebrate the birth of a child. Awqat: Times. Azan: Call for the prayer. Dafq: Ejaculation. Dha`if (Hadith): Weak Hadith; not authentic. Du`a': A prayer said to ask Allah for something. Fardh: Mandatory; obligatory. Faskh: Revocation; when the marriage contract is revoked because of flaws in the contract itself, or because circumstances prevent its continuation. Fitrah: The Sunnah (tradition) of the Prophets that we are told to imitate. It also means the instincts that are born with us without the effect of our upbringing. Ghayrah: The Arabic word Ghayrah is sometimes translated as jealousy or watchfulness, however, it does not mean that exactly. Jealousy in English implies fear of loss of affection, and has thus acquired a bad connotation in non-Muslim English speaking societies. Ghayrah in Arabic implies hating wrong, unlawful things to happen. This is why the same word can be used to express Allah's feelings, as well as Muslims' feelings toward prohibited things. Allah hates when people exceed the limits He made for them. Hadith: Traditions of the Prophet (s.a.w) whether they are sayings, doings, or approvals. Hajj: Pilgrimage to Mecca; one of the five pillars of Islam. Halal: Lawful in the Islamic law. Hanbali: One of the major four schools of law in Islam. Hanafi: One of the major four schools of law in Islam. Haram: Prohibited in the Islamic law. Hishmah: Decency and modesty. Hukm: Verdict or judgment in the Islamic law; whether something is mandatory, recommended, allowed, hated, or prohibited in Islam. Huquq: Rights. `Iddah: The period that the woman waits before she can get married after she gets divorced or widowed. The length of `Iddah is three menstruation periods, three months if the woman does not have a period, until the woman gives birth if she is pregnant, or four months and ten days if she is a widow, unless she is pregnant, in which case it will be until she gives birth. In the case of Al-Khul`, it is one menstruation period (or one month) to make sure that she is not pregnant. There is no `Iddah if the man marries a woman and then divorces her before having an intercourse with her. Inzal: Ejaculation; ejection of semen. Ila': Abandonment for swearing; when a man swears not to touch his wife for a period of time. Ijab: Offer; when the woman's guardian tell the man that he is marrying her to him. Ijhadh: Abortion. Iqamah: A form of Azan called just before the prayer is performed. Istitar: Privacy. keeping from others' observation. I`tikaf: Retreat in the mosques for worshipping. Janabah: The impure status of a person after intercourse (even if the genitals just touch each other without having an intercourse), or after the emission of semen, called Inzal or Dafq (ejaculation; ejection of semen), whether the person is awake or asleep. If this happens while the person is asleep, it is called (Ihtilam). This status of impurity can be rid of by taking a bath if water is available; otherwise, Tayammum will do it. The antonym of the word Janabah is Taharah (cleanness). Jima`: Intercourse. Junub: An adjective describing the person during the status of Janabah explained above. This status of impurity can be rid of by taking a bath if water is available; otherwise, Tayammum will do it. The antonym of the word Junub is Tahir (pure or clean). Khitan: Circumcision. Khitbah: Engagement. Kitabiyyah: A woman who is Christian or Jewish by faith, and not by virtue of birth into a Christian or Jewish family. The man is called Kitabi. Khul`: Divestiture or self-redemption; an irrevocable divorce initiated by the wife. The wife can return the marriage dowry and gifts in exchange for the divorce. The man may choose whether or not to take anything back from her. This kind of marriage dissolution is usually sought when the woman is not satisfied with the marriage while the husband is fulfilling his duties toward her. The wife may also seek this divorce if she fears that she will not be able to observe the limits imposed by Allah (i.e. perform her duties). Li`an: Double testimony. When the husband accuses his wife of adultery without providing four good witnesses, and she denies it, he is whipped for slander unless he swears four times that he is telling the truth, and the fifth time that he invokes the curse of Allah on himself if he is lying. The wife can avert the punishment by swearing four times that he is a liar, and a fifth time she invokes the wrath of Allah upon herself if he is telling the truth. After this, the marriage is dissolved forever, and they can never marry each other again. Mahram: A man that a woman can never marry, like a brother or a father. A brother-in-law is not considered a Mahram in Islam since he can marry her after the death or divorce of his wife (her sister). A man can also marry his sister-in-law after the death of his brother (her husband) or after they get divorced. If the man and the woman get divorced because one of them accused the other of adultery in the court without proving it (Li`an), the man is not a Mahram here, even though he can never marry her again. Makruh: Hated in the Islamic law. Maliki: One of the major four schools of law in Islam. Mandub: Recommended in the Islamic law. Mawali: This Arabic word has many meaning like supporters, freed slaves, the freers of the slaves, clients, patrons, and the name of the ones raised by others if their real fathers are unknown. Mazhab: A school of law in Islam is called Mazhab such as Maliki. Mubah: Allowed in the Islamic law. Muharram: Prohibited in the Islamic law. Muhsanah: A chaste and virtuous woman. Muhsanat: Chaste and virtuous women. Mushrik: Idolater; a man who associates others with Allah. Mushrikah: Idolatress; a woman who associates others with Allah. Mustawshimah: The woman who gets tattooed. Mustawshirah: The woman who gets her teeth cut or shortened. Mustawsilah: The woman who uses wigs and hairpieces. Mutafallijah: The woman who widens the gaps between her teeth for the sake of beautification. Mut`ah: Temporary marriage where the length of the marriage period is specified at the time of performing marriage. It is prohibited in Islam. Mutanammisah: The woman who gets her eyebrows plucked. Namisah: The woman who pulls or plucks the eyebrows to straighten them or to make them thinner. Nifas: The childbed or confinement period after the childbirth. Its lasts until the blood stops or for forty days, whichever comes first. Nikah: Marriage. Nisa': Women. Nufasa': The woman during the childbed or confinement period. Nushuz: Desertion; when one deserts his/her spouse. Qubul: Acceptance; when the man tells the woman's guardian that he accepted her as a wife. Qur'an: The words of Allah revealed to Muhammad (s.a.w.) in verbatim and are kept in the holy book of Islam in the Arabic language. Rak`ah: A full instruction in the prayer that includes bowing down and prostrating. Sahih (Hadith): Authentic Hadith; an authentic traditions of the Prophet (s.a.w) whether it is a saying, a doing, or an approval. Salah: Prayer; one of the five pillars of Islam. Shafi`i: One of the major four schools of law in Islam. Shaitan: Satan. Shari`ah: Jurisprudence; Islamic law. Shuhud: Witnesses. Sunnah: Traditions of the Prophet (s.a.w.). It also means that something is recommended rather than being mandatory for Muslims. Ta`addud Az-Zawjat: Polygyny; marrying more than one wife. Tabanni: Adoption. Tahir: Pure; clean; not junub. Taharah: Purity; cleanness; antonym of Janabah. Tahnik: Dental palate; to chew some dates or sweets and put them in the infant's mouth, and rub his/her mouth and palate with them to train him/her to eat. Tanzim Al-Haml: Birth control. Tayammum: Alternative for Wudhu' (ablution) when water is not available. It is done by rubbing one's palms on the ground, and then wiping the face, and then the hands to the elbows. Tazayyon: Adornment and beautification. Wajibat: Duties. Wali Al-Amr: Male guardian. Walimah: Wedding feast or food reception. Washimah: A female tattooer. Washirah: The woman who cuts or shortens the teeth. Wasilah: The woman whose profession is making wigs and hairpieces Wudhu': Ablution; It is done by washing some of the body parts to prepare oneself for the prayer and implies the intention to pray. It includes washing the hands to the wrists three times, rinsing out the mouth with water three times, cleansing the nostrils of the nose by sniffing water through them three times, washing the whole face three times with both hands, washing the arms up to the far elbows three times starting with the right arm, wiping the whole head with a wet hand once, wiping the inner sides of the ears with the forefingers and the outer sides with the thumbs, and washing the feet up to the ankles three times starting with the right foot. The obligatory steps are washing the face, washing the hands to the elbows, wiping the head, and washing the feet to the ankles. The rest of the steps are Sunnah. The above sequence should be followed in performing Wudhu'. Zawaj: Marriage. Zawj: Husband; could also mean husband or wife. Zawjah: Wife. Zihar: Injurious assimilation. In pre-Islamic times, men had an expression that their wives are to them like the backs of their mothers. This statement means that their wives became prohibited to them if they said such statements. Islam prohibits this form of marriage dissolution, and introduced a penalty on men who make such statements. The wife is prohibited to her husband after he makes such a statement, and until he frees a slave, fasts the daytime of two consecutive lunar months if he does not find the wherewithal to free a slave, or feeds sixty needy people if he is unable to fast, in that order.