free meal and 48 free wings
Hello Chicken Supporters:
Well the Champaign/Urbana Store Final was last night. Before I get
into the details, I must say thank you for the chicken eating suggestions.
Let's run through the offered techniques:
1. Author: Dave Spott
Method: Salad Imbalance.
Technique: Eat a ton of salad before the competition, therefore
creating the famous "chicken imbalance" within the stomach.
Result: Unfortunately I didn't feel experienced enough to try this.
As Dave warned us all, rookies have been known to eat chicken salad
because of the short attention span and the nervous tummy.
2. Author: John Kellner
Method: Drown in BBQ Sauce
Technique: Drink a quart of BBQ sauce before the competition,
therefore creating a thirsting of the stomach for chicken. However, as
John warned us all, you need to find the same sauce as the the chicken
wings are basted in.
Result: I couldn't find the right sauce. And I was too scared to
try something so bold hours before the competition.
3. Author: Mike Noehren
Method: FOWL Scream
Technique: At random time intervals scream 'FOWL' as loud as
you can to daze and confuse the competition.
Result: I think this could work. I wonder if the time gained by
confusing the competitors would offset the time used to yell 'FOWL'?
I decided to wait 'til game day to see if I should deploy this technique.
4. Author: George Baxter
Method: Dirty/Fowl Play
Technique: Stake out the competitors, and follow them to the
competition. Hire some thugs to grab them at gun point and force
them to eat two Big Macs.
Result: I didn't have enough time to explore the ethics of this
technique. However, it is still under consideration.
Under consideration you say? That's right. As of Yesterday, 8:30 pm,
I am now the Champaign-Urbana Buffalo Wing Store Finalist!!!!
People we're going to the Grand Cluck Off in Cincinnati, Ohio: it's on to
the Big Show. I have a tear in my eye and an ache in my stomach.
Without you I would be nothing but two-timing-taco-tasting-twirp.
I used the standard method for preparation: I stuffed myself on Sat.
night, drank a ton of Metamucil (sp?) to keep things flowing on Sunday,
had a small lunch on Sunday, and worked out on Sunday. I was ready.
I arrived at 8 pm to stake out the competition, perhaps I could show them
my stomach and scare them off. I asked the store manager where I should
sit for the competition, and he replied, "Sonny, there ain't no competition,
you'll the only one who managed to qualify!!!!" It seems the five competitors
last week were not able to qualify for the Store Final.
So there I was, an empty stomach with no food to eat. Well, happily,
the store manager gave me 36 FREE wings. It was good. Although, it's
the first time I left that place feeling hungry.
I don't have all the details for the grand final yet. But we must
all put our stomachs together and come up with more techniques people.
We're sending an inexperienced small town boy to the finals without a
game plan or playoff experience. His stomach could explode. Do you
want that on your conscious? I will leave you with that thought.
more to come,
mike
Round 3