A new hope? No, rather, renewed faith in an old friend. This past weekend was tough. I lost faith in myself. And I had lost faith in God about a month ago. No, it wasn't permanent. But I was slowly falling away... drifting about aimlessly... until I finally crashed and burned. Work was exhausting. Left me with little time and energy to do anything. The last thing I wanted to do after work was go to rehearsal or read the bible. Instead, I'd eat, watch tv, play some games, and sleep.
Meanwhile, my soul was rotting from lack of attention. My downfall was inevitable. On Friday, I called up a friend and told her how I felt about her. She didn't feel the same. For a moment, the pain didn't register. It was as if the conversation was just another talk... about the weather or something. I went back to work. And then the thoughts came. And then the pain. And then the tears. And I realized I had nothing. And I realized I was nothing.
All weekend, I cried out for help. Friends responded, but couldn't lift me up. My heart was like a millstone, weighing me down... drowning me in a sea of bitterness and sorrow. I escaped as best I could from it, for fear that it would consume me for good.
Then, one night, I broke down and prayed. And I asked Him to speak to my heart, and reveal to me what was wrong. And He comforted me. And He spoke to me, through His word. He showed me thru Ecclesiastes that I was trying to find joy and happiness in this world. Contrary to what I thought, finding that special someone will NOT bring an end to all my problems.
And He spoke to me thru 2 Chronicles, showing me how stupid I was acting, to be trying to fight Him off. And He spoke to me through Philippians, telling me to free myself from the ways of this world, and realize that I need to strive toward a new goal; a heavenly goal.
I had a good chat with my friend on Monday too. We were able to get a lot of issues out in the open, and I think I'm ok with being friends.
I really want to thank my friends who helped me thru the rough time. Thanks for being there, guys. You know who you are. It was truly a blessing to be able to rely on you guys to help me thru this.
So, in summary... I'm back! Praise God! =)