On the wall of a Baltimore estate:
Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
--Sisters of Mercy
On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners:
38 years on the same spot.
In a Los Angeles dance hall:
Good clean dancing every night but Sunday.
On a movie theater:
Children's matinee today. Adults not admitted unless with child.
In a Florida maternity ward:
No children allowed.
In the offices of a loan company:
Ask about our plans for owning your home.
In a New York medical building:
Mental Health Prevention Center
In a toy department:
Five Santa Clauses -- No waiting!
On a New York convalescent home:
For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church.
At a number of military bases:
Restricted to unauthorized personnel.
On a display of "I love you only" valentine cards:
Now available in multi-packs.
On a shopping mall marquee:
Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced
Outside a country shop:
We buy junk and sell antiques.
In the window of an Oregon store:
Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?
In a Maine restaurant:
Open 7 days a week and weekends.
In a New Jersey restaurant:
Open 11 AM to 11 PM midnight.
In the vestry of a New England church:
Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished.
In a Pennsylvania cemetery:
Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.
On the grounds of a public school:
No tresspassing without permission.
In a library:
Blotter paper will no longer be available until the public stops taking it away.
Similarly, in front of a New Hampshire car wash:
If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car.
And apparently, somewhere in England in an open field otherwise untouched by human presence, there is a sign that says "Do not throw stones at this sign."
Last updated Wednesday, March 15, 1995