At a Santa Fe gas station:
We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.

On the wall of a Baltimore estate:
Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
--Sisters of Mercy

On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners:
38 years on the same spot.

In a Los Angeles dance hall:
Good clean dancing every night but Sunday.

On a movie theater:
Children's matinee today. Adults not admitted unless with child.

In a Florida maternity ward:
No children allowed.

In the offices of a loan company:
Ask about our plans for owning your home.

In a New York medical building:
Mental Health Prevention Center

In a toy department:
Five Santa Clauses -- No waiting!

On a New York convalescent home:
For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church.

At a number of military bases:
Restricted to unauthorized personnel.

On a display of "I love you only" valentine cards:
Now available in multi-packs.

On a shopping mall marquee:
Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced

Outside a country shop:
We buy junk and sell antiques.

In the window of an Oregon store:
Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?

In a Maine restaurant:
Open 7 days a week and weekends.

In a New Jersey restaurant:
Open 11 AM to 11 PM midnight.

In the vestry of a New England church:
Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished.

In a Pennsylvania cemetery:
Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.

On the grounds of a public school:
No tresspassing without permission.

In a library:
Blotter paper will no longer be available until the public stops taking it away.

Similarly, in front of a New Hampshire car wash:
If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car.

And apparently, somewhere in England in an open field otherwise untouched by human presence, there is a sign that says "Do not throw stones at this sign."


Last updated Wednesday, March 15, 1995
Jonathan Dufour (