The Best of the Worst Country-Western Song Titles
(These are real)

Compiled By: Bill Atchley (


Do You Love As Good As You Look

Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life

Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed

Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye

Her Body Couldn't Keep You Off My Mind

Her Cheatin' Heart Made A Drunken Fool Out Of Me

Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure

Here's A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares

How Can A Whiskey That's 6 Years Old Whup A Man That's 33?

How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?

How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?

I Can't Get Over You, So Why Don't You Get Under Me?

I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life

I Don't Know Whether To Come Home Or Go Crazy

I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling

I Don't Want Your Body If Your Heart's Not In It

I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me

I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart.

I Got In At 2 With A 10 And Woke Up At 10 With A 2

I Hate Every Bone In Your Body Except Mine

I Just Bought A Car From The Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don't Run So I Figure We Got An Even Deal

I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You

I Knew I'd Hit Rock Bottom When I Woke Up On Top Of Ewe

I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well

I May Be Used (But Baby I Ain't Used Up)

I Meant Every Word That He Said

I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better

I Wish I Were In Dixie Tonight, But She's Out Of Town

I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!

I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win

I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy

I'll Get Over You As Soon As You Get Out From Under Him

I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonite

I'm Gettin' Gray From Being Blue

I'm Havin' Daydreams About Night Things In The Middle Of The Afternoon

I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life

I'm Not Married But The Wife Is

I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here

I'm The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised

I've Got Four On The Floor And A Fifth Under The Seat

I've Got Red Eyes From Your White Lies And I'm Blue All The Time

I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare Line

If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You

If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now

If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body, Would You Hold It Against Me?

If It's Got To Be Later, How 'Bout Later Tonight?

If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low

If The Phone Don't Ring, Baby, You'll Know It's Me

If Whiskey Were A Woman I'd Be Married For Sure

If You Can't Feel It (It Ain't There)

If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will

If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?

It Ain't Love But It Ain't Bad

It Takes Me All Night Long To Do What I Used To Do All Night Long

Learning To Live Again Without You Is Killing Me

My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart

My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him

Oh, Lord! It's Hard To Be Humble When You're Perfect In Every Way

Out Of My Head And Back In My Bed

She Feels Like A New Man Tonight

She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft

She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger

She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart

She's Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without.

Tennis Must Be Your Racket 'Cause Love Means Nothin' To You

Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone

The Last Word In Lonesome Is "me"

They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin' Out

Touch Me With More Than Your Hands

Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart

What Made Milwaukee Famous (Has Made a Loser Out of Me)

When We Get Back To the Farm (That's When We Really Go To Town)

Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?

You Can't Deal Me All The Aces And Expect Me Not To Play

You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Bannister Of Life

You're A Cross I Can't Bear

You're Ruining My Bad Reputation

You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly


Last updated Wednesday, March 22, 1996
Jonathan Dufour (