"Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time."
"Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam."
"Virgin like balloon . . . one prick, all gone."
"Baseball wrong . . . man with four balls cannot walk!"
"Work to become, not to acquire."
"Baby conceived in automatic car shiftless bastard."
"A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose."
"Find old man in dark, not hard!"
"Man who smoke pot choke on handle."
"Ok for shit to happen . . . will decompose."
"Man who put head on Rail Road track to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache."
"Sailor who gets discharged from navy leave buddies behind."
"Secretary becomes permanent fixture when screwed on desk."
"Don't drink and park, accidents cause people."
"He who crosses the ocean twice without washing is a dirty double crosser."
"Man who tell one to many light bulb jokes soon burn out!"
"It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it."
"Never raise hands to angry child, it leave groin exposed."
"Woman who cooks carrots and peas in same pot is unsanitary."
"Man who fart in church sit in his own pew!"
"Man who eat many prunes, sit on toilet many moons."
"Confucius say too God damn much!"
"Those who quote me are fools."
"Man who drive like hell bound to get there!"
"Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants!"
"Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!"
"Man who sit on tack get point!"
"Man who runs behind car gets exhausted!"
"Man who jump off cliff jump to conclusion!"
"War not determine who's right, war determines who's left."
Last updated Tuesday, June 11, 1996