Lucky Charms, the key to your sex life...
Amazing new study shows that your favorite Lucky Charms
marshmallow bit shape determines what you're like in bed! Yes, it's
true--just take this simple test to determine your true bedroom
If your favorite Lucky Charms marshmallow shape is the
green clover, you're a happy-go-lucky type in bed. You don't take
anything too seriously in the bedroom or elsewhere and always manage
to have a good time, even if you have someone else with you. You
don't have any patience with depressed people and tend to sit on
them until they cheer up.
If your favorite marhmallow shape is the blue diamond,
your thoughts in bed are mostly about what you'll get later. "If he
really enjoys this, will he buy me that mink coat?" is probably
what's going through your mind. People who like blue diamonds have
a notebook of preprinted fill-in-the-blank palimony suit forms and
are the people most likely to file their nails while making love.
If your favorite shape is the orange star, you expect
to be the center of attention in bed. You expect your partner to
spend most of his time pleasing you and when you do something for
him, you expect enthusiastic moaning if not applause. People who
like orange stars often have mirrors over their beds, not because
they are turned on by watching what is being done, but because they
want to be able to watch themselves having a good time. They often
moan out their own names while making love.
If you like pink hearts, you're the romantic type. You
like your partner to whisper romantic phrases into your ear and, if
he's too distracted to form coherent phrases, you'll settle for
romantic syllables. People who like pink hearts read most of the
romance novels published and are turned on by people wearing armor.
If purple horseshoes are your thing, your tastes
are modern, uninhibited, and somewhat warped. You like variety in
the bedroom, especially when you can include handcuffs, chains,
swingsets, and chocolate pudding. Be careful when going out on a
picnic with anyone who likes purple horseshoes--she's likely to pin
you down with croquet hoops when you're not looking and who knows
what could happen next?
If you're the yellow moon type, you're more interested
in satisfying your partner's needs than your own. You prefer to
lie back and wait for your partner to jump on you and express her
needs verbally or nonverbally. People who like yellow moons usually
own several pairs of handcuffs and other instruments of kinky sex
just in case someone should ever want to tie them up and ravish
them. Keep your eyes open for anyone who eats all the purple
horseshoes out of her cereal as soon as she opens the box.
Those little oat bits that aren't marshmallows at all: If you prefer
the little oat bits, you probably don't like sex anyway and don't
need to read this article. People who prefer the oat bits usually
become accountants, librarians who work at the reference desk, or
government employees; these people like to chow down on a big bowl
brimming with oat bits before a tough day of protesting suggestive
lyrics in rock music. People who like oat bits have more time to
spend writing letters to the editor than any other type.
The Unnatural Enquirer, (C) 1990 by Trygve Lode (firstname.lastname@example.org)
May be reproduced and distributed freely in unmodified form on a
noncommercial basis provided this notice remains intact.
Last updated Wednesday, March 15, 1995
Jonathan Dufour (email@example.com)