I was nearly arrested for SHA1 checksumming a doctor’s prescription. Luckily the hash was for medicinal purposes.

If optic fibres were edible, they’d be light snacks.

I wish there were themes for UNIX commands. There should be more than one way to skin a cat.

I avoid IEEE floating point. I hate double standards.

While on death row, I ran chmod 0644 on myself. They couldn’t execute me.

Did you hear about the sculptor who wants to make a statue of a piece of bread? He’s looking for a good roll model.

I want to date an exclamation mark, so I can go out with a bang(!)

Propositional logic is the science of pickup lines.

Angry mathematicians compute cross products.

I once bought a transparent knife. Shortly afterwards I was investigated for obtaining a new clear weapon.

A priest called tech support because he had trouble sacrificing a goat. He couldn’t kill his browser.

My dog exhales on my legs one pant at a time. Dogs' breath is pants.

I made a movie about cosmic cookware. It was universally panned.

Normal people have catchphrases. Computer scientists have regular expressions.

PHP is a common gateway drug.

The nth rule of Induction Club is you talk about the (n-1)th rule of Induction Club.

Apologies

To my knowledge, the above “jokes” are original. It’s hard to be sure, as I doubt anyone else would want to own up to them!

Czech translation by Andrey Fomin.